i am so lost now.

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This idea just struck me earlier this morning. This Greek and Roman Mythology classical study class that i took has aroused me with overwhelming interest in such study. During the time as i was taking the course, i was actually looking forward to attend the class and more than willing to finish the reading assignment. After i took the final exam last friday, a sense of emptiness hit me. It was like, "So now what can i do? The calss has ended, nothing to look forward again." The only thing i haven't done for now is actually go to the same classroom at the same usual time only to find out nobody was there in order to fill a little emptiness.

i am not statisfied with what i have studied from that class. Clearly, i want more. So, why don't i take classical studies as a minor? This is a bold move, a step away from madness. i though that the Malaysian studies i took back in a Malaysian College was solid, but this one just suck away my soul. i want to be rational. i mean, taking classical studies as a minor is not child play. It involves money, time, energy and more money. i want to make sure that this is not just any "five minutes heat" that conquered my heart. i went through the minor courses. Apart from the standard studies like drama, history and archaeology, there are also some amount of Latin and an "aboard study" (study in Greece or Italy). All these sounded interesting to me.

If i can, i would be more than happy to do this minor. But i do not want to pressure my interest. Something like, i like playing PC games a lot, so i dive into PC games study and eventually get a job. Now, i can play PC games whole day and get paid. The problem is, if i suddenly don't feel like want to do it or just want to play lazy for sometime, then i could harm myself and might cost my job. i might get a mean and unreasonable supervisor pressuring and commanding on top of me, to make matter worse. Then suddenly i migh feel that my strong interset in PC games do more harm than i suppose. Get it? Besides, i went through different socialzation and education with the Americans here. They already knew much more before taking the class. For me, the only thing that i have is a book of Japanese comics "Siant Warriors" (just a book out of god knows how many this series continued, 50?)

Right now looking as an outsider, mythology looks fun, but if i dive into it, will i get the more fun out of it or will things get ugly and i lose my strong interest entirely?

My two major concerns are
1 - i distinct greatly between interest and duty. Duty is something i must do, no matter how much i dislike it, like concerning about social issues in Malaysia. Interest is something i just like to do. And if i choose not to do it, it brings no harm to anyone. That's why, i don't want my duty to harm my interest. It is like, playing football, i like to play football, it is my greastest interest. i took that as a job and Johor FC hired me. But Johor keep losing the game, newspaper starts to criticize my peformance, i go shopping also get threw stinky eggs at, situation gets bad. How could i, at the end of the day, tell myself that i still love football? My interest leads me to this duty, but this duty in turn harmed my interest.

Biophysic is not by biggest interest so i took this as major. If i can look it as a duty, no matter how hard or ugly the course gets, i still can get pass through it because it is my duty. i wouldn't complain about the anything in the process. Mythology starts as a small interest and after i took the course, it became a major interest. If i am as before, i would let it remain as an interest. But now, the idea of minoring struck me and, frankly, i am pleased with this notion. i am now in the edge of violating my own principle, my own guideline of survival.

2 - i am sure that i wll choose it as a minor, but i know this decision is based on passionate, alone. Passionate doomed me once and hurted me hard. My guidelines of survival tells me that i need rational evidance to support my passionate for it to become an action. If rational analysis shows other wise then other wise it is.

i am all so lost.

 

That was I pretty long post and I’m not sure if I fully understood your dilemma, but let me offer some advice on the questions I think you are asking.

Your first concern seems to be that you don’t want a career in an area that you have a great interest in, since there are negative aspects to any career and you don’t want those negatives to ruin your overall enjoyment. Just one piece of advice: when you choose a career, you will be doing it for a 8 hours a day, at least 5 days a week, 50 weeks a year, for several decades. What you want to avoid (if you can) is to be stuck doing something you don’t enjoy. Think about it – do you really want to spend ½ of your waking hours in a job that doesn’t motivate you? I realise that there are many people who are in that very situation because they don’t really have much of a choice, but it appears you do have that choice, so why not make something of it and do something you want to do.

As for your second concern, I think you are worried that taking a minor in a course may not be a good idea because you have a “passion” for it. I’m not quite sure why you see this as a problem. The same comments as above still apply, and since it is only a minor, why not go for it?

Again, I’m sorry if this doesn’t help since I’m not sure if I understood your questions.