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Impurity (poem)

Discussion in 'Creativity Surge' started by ChickenIsGood, Oct 1, 2009.

  1. ChickenIsGood Gems: 23/31
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    [​IMG] My mind is currently racing,
    Like water, splashed off a face,
    Into a pooling and stained basin.

    Tainted.

    Through a dark and dreary drain,
    Not alone, but 'companied,
    With telltale signs of pain.

    Falling.

    With no control of destination,
    And just one wish,
    One simple supplication.

    Closure.

    From the thoughts that keep me down,
    The kind that drag you in,
    Intentless, save to see you drown.

    Escape.

    I do not wish to merely cope,
    But to cleanse, and finally live,
    A life that's filled with hope.

    ***

    There it is, quick and unrefined. And yes, I do realize that 'intentless' is not a word, however it just felt right. Obviously a couple stanzas (I figure ABA means I can call it poetry :p) are weak and the end doesn't really flow right. But I like it.

    Anybody that knows how to write, feel free to critique... Heck I suppose I should open that option up to my peers, that is, those without writing skills.
     
    Last edited: Oct 1, 2009
    ChickenIsGood, Oct 1, 2009
    #1
    Caradhras likes this.
  2. Caradhras

    Caradhras I may be bad... but I feel gooood! Veteran

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    Does having a degree qualify anyone? I wonder. :p

    Anyway, I'm convinced poetry is not just about technicality and prosody but that first and foremost it has to be felt. Rules are meant to be broken once you've mastered them, that's just what style is about so there is nothing wrong in the coinage of a word to express one's feelings. That's what poetic licence is all about, isn't it?
     
    Caradhras, Oct 1, 2009
    #2
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