Insanity Vs. The Realms. An Untrue Story of Menace and Magic (BG1)

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I Have read numerous post on stories and tales of heroes and monsters, battles and tragedies. Yet one story was always left untold. The one with a hero with the poorest stats ever seen. A menace to the realms. Soon to be freed from his cage in candlekeep. This is the story of "Bad Mojo"

BAD MOJO: People hate me. why? I just do whats right. heh heh *cough* Damn lounges shouldnt have smoked Gorions scrolls. Now he is all edgy. yeeh, whats new? Wants me to come to the mighty halls. Yeah yeah I am all freaked and scared, see. Boooo. I need a knife. Just in case. Man I just got this stack of money from him. Perhaps bribing me to quit smoking scrolls.. Wooooohooooo. Better not waste it on potions. stil I love drinking them. Makes me agitated. Like Guro Gori.


AUTHER: Bad Mojo Has no real background story. He was leniently raised by Gorion. But as Mojo's nataure of Chaotic Neutral became more and more apparant, Gorian had become more and more protective. Bad Mojo's name is in fact only Mojo. But he has heard the phrase "Bad Mojo!" "Bad Mojo!" So many times that he believes it to be his name. Now he sets for a trip unexpected and unplanned. Can insanity beat the gods?

Mojos statistics
Male, gnome , Chaotic NEutral (insane)
Thief/illusionist
strenght: 6 (min)
Dexterity: 9 (min)
Constitution: 8 (min)
Intelligence: 8 (min)
wisdom: 5
Charisma:3 (min)
Hp: 5
Gold: 60
Ac: 10
Xp: 0
Inventory: nothing
---------------------------------------------

BAD MOJO: I bought a lot of black Ale. I guess I had that coming. Gori hates when I am drunk. weehhee. I told Imo that she was little. and she accepted.. huh! She she is twice my size. Anit life great! Gori was agitated as always. Glad I have found you he said. Hey no problemo dad. I found you! He always wants to sound smart. Now we are off, so I cant write anymore diary.

AUTHER Bad Mojo spend a little money on beer. He didnt tell his diary about his new short bow and dagger. Anyway, he did nothing in candlekeep, just oozed his way out to Gorion. eager to hear what his fosterfather wants. Mojo has a deep voice. Male.1. Part of his repulsive nature.

Hp: 4/5
Gold : 6
AC: 10
Xp: 0
Inventory: knife, short bow, 40 arrows.

---------------------------------------------

BAD MOJO: Whooooa. Gorian got smacked! Big time. Man he had it coming with all that magic. and he always wanted the last word. Met Imoen this morning. I made her Leader, yeah? Why are you looking at me like that diary? I can walk and pickpocket her from behind. thats it diary! But damn It will never succeed, Are my fingers glue? I just need a potion. Glurp!

AUTHER Mojo has following thieving skills: open locks: 5%. stealth: 0%. find traps: 5%. Pick pockets: 30%. And following spells: "Friends, Shield, Prot. Evil." He picked up Imoen but how long will that last? And where will he head?

HP: 5/5
gold: 8
AC: 10
xp: 0
Inventory: knife, Short bow, 40 arrows
friends: IMOEN
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BAD MOJO: Still today. Could it be otherwise? Now dont get technical with me stupid diary!

AUTHER Since Mojo isnt in an informative mood today I better keep you orientated. They met their first beasts of the realms. Imoen does all the Slaughtering. Mojo doesnt care, he likes to be outside the keep. And free. they are currently just running aimlessly around in the Terrain just south of Friendly arms inn. The Old man didnt convince Mojo to head for Friendly arms inn. and Imoen just tags along.

HP: 5/5
Gold: 68
AC: 10
Xp: 28
Inventory: Knife, short bow, 40 arrows
Friends: IMOEN.
---------------------------------------------
BAD MOJO Man! I have conned myself. I hate when I do that. I cant use that stupid bow. Gimme a crosbow. Gimme. Gimme. We head straight for Beregost. Thats it! Some nice person told me of an inn. I need sleep and beer. And a good potion. We got plenty of gold! Imo looks concerned. Should I thrash her, Diary?

AUTHER Last stats on Mojo: proficient in missile weapons and Blunt weapons. So his Knife and Bow is rather ineffective. It seem to begin to bug him that Imoen is better with the bow. They travelled to Beregost. Wonder what menace he produces here.

HP: 5/5
gold: 86
AC: 10
xp: 35
Inventory: Knife, Short bow, 20 arrows
friends: IMOEN(barely hurt)

[This message has been edited by Nobleman (edited September 13, 2001).]

 

HEHE!

Nice one Nobleman seems like we could become quite a pair of comic writers. Good luck on your insane quest!

 

This is great Nobleman!

Keep it going, if not for yourself, then for all the bored gamers who don't have anything better to do!

 

I really wonder about that 8 INT:

Spell level - max 3 or 4 (no problem in BG1)
% to learn spell - <35% !!! Without reloading from time to time? Respect!
Max number of spells per level - 5 or 6 (better choose the right ones, quite like a sorcerer's life, isn't it?)
Lore Bonus - -10 (pft)

Nevertheless a great idea, very exciting! BTW: You chose 5 WIS, why that "high"?

 

Speakers corner Wildfire this time I wont quit if he dies. Like last time. But I'll make sure he doesnt take advantage of reloads. Anyway wisdom 5? I already regret! Must be a mindcollaps. But for now I consider his wisdom 5 his asset in life.


BAD MOJO Burning Wizard. Must try that Diary.... That was an amazing room I even got to jump in the bed. I got a bit drunk, So I have hangovers. I just spend half our money. I wont tell Imoen that
BAD MOJO Man I dont get it Diary. I asked a guy Garrick Why he had stood outside the building all night. He jsut wanted someone to help A girlie "silke". And when I helped her, He got upset and said I was no better than Silke He just needs a potion and he'll feel better!. wooho. The world is filled with morons.. How ever are we gonna get by, Diary? That SIlke gave me loads of money. Imo wasn't happy. So she wont get any share! What to do. What to do. Weapons! yeah To beat Imo!!

AUTER To straighten things out. Mojo spend the night in the burning wizard. He then helped Silke against the "thugs" they lost 2 in Reputation. Didnt make Imoen happy. Now it seems, he wants weapons .

HP: 5/5
Gold: 271
AC: 10
Xp: 38
Inv: Knife, Short bow, 16 arrows, 3 potions of Defence
Friends: Imoen (uninjured)
Rep: 8
---------------------------------------------
BAD MOJO Why is he hiiiiding his shop! Oh there it is halfway out in the mountains. silly name even
BAD MOJOLemme see. Nice sling he had. I convinced Imoen to sell her armor. She doesn't get hit anyway. I'll move out of town and test my sling.
BAD MOJO Damn! Imo killed that suspect little boy before me. I have to get some magic bullets. Or a better weapon. ohh what is that grunting over there. Hobgoblins, eh. Come on Diary lets fryyyyy'em
BAD MOJO Lemme see. Nice sling he had. I convinced Imoen to sell her armor, She doesn't get hit anyway. I'll move out of town to test my sling, even though it feels wrong. You know Diary. Between the two of us. I have a feeling that this happened before. I think I drank too much beer yesterday.

AUTHER Mojo got killed by the Hobgoblin, so I had to load the Autosave. That is perhaps confusing Mojo. Strange that he has remembered something from the old game. Maybe a slight flutter.
Anyway I think he is heading down south again.

HP: 5/5
Gold: 190
AC: 10
Xp: 38
Inventory: Sling+1,100 bullets, quarterstaff, 3 potions of defence,
Friends: Imoen(uninjured)
---------------------------------------------
BAD MOJO Talked to a supect boy. Somehow I have a bad case of guilt against him. I think I am going crazy diary. I feel that I have killed him. I dunno. Still the beer from yesterday I guess. I am never drinking in the burning wizard again.
BAD MOJO ...Wooohoo. Did my first peace of maiming. Harmed a gibberling I did. Up yours Imo!! Daddy is running the show now. Daddy is running the show. I just started Picking up the loot. I hate to admit that I cant pickpocket it from Imoen. Stars stars I pick one down someday. Stars stars. everywhere.
BAD MOJO Yeah!! who is the Man Diary! Who is the Man! Who banged those beast from hell!! Dont give me the silent treatment, diary! I was in a perfectly good mood untill you pulled this stunt. Sometimes I hate you diary. I just wanted to let you know that I drank a few potions. Just to kick back and all. oh man you are unfair.

Auther Mojo and Imoen just killed two ogrillons south of Beregost. Mojo drank one of his potions of defence and casted "prot. from Evil." And went in close combat. Imoen stayed back and fired. Pretty dangerous but it worked, even though Mojo got maimed pretty good in one punch (4 hp dmg) Mojo is apparently quite happy about it got to drink another potion. I wonder if he forgets that he is only out to test weapons, and heads for some overeager crusade.

HP: 5/5
AC: 10
Gold: 191
xp: 142
Inventory: Sling+1, 96 bullets, quarterstaff, 2 potions of defence. Silver neclace
Friends: Imoen (uninjured)
REP: 8

[This message has been edited by Nobleman (edited September 15, 2001).]

 

Hehe, great story Nobleman. I enjoy it.

Some questions:

1. Why don't you have taken Xzar and Montaron in your party. Mojo may be a little be egoistic but with him it is impossible to play the game solo or with him and Imoen only

Can you give an indication of NPC's that will join the team. Problem is that they all will be better then Mojo so he will always be jalous. I suppose a lot of NPC's will die this game

2. Will you use the tomes? (I suppose so but that will also spoil your "worst stats ever idea")

Soon I will also get some experience with a Thief/Illusionist in my Thief-only party.

 

Hey Mojo and Xzar should get along wonderfully. They are just made for each other. Course Mojo wouldn't like to take Monty along as I'm sure he wouldn't want another short person smaking him around. Nice thing about Imoen is she'll take all kinds of abuse

 

When you get to the city of Baldur's Gate, you should definitely pick up Tiax

He rules all!

 

Tiax sucks, but he would fit in this "party" for he is at least as stupid as Mojo is

Nobleman, please go play!!!! I am waiting all day here for the next part of the story! Clicking refresh every ten seconds

Ah I understand, you have to go to school, right?

[This message has been edited by Headbanger (edited September 18, 2001).]

 

SPEAKERS CORNER Yeah I am so much looking forward to meeting Tiax in two or three weeks. Mojo is not suicidal, he is "just" crazy and born as the worst hero ever. So I think if he sees the potential in the tomes he'll use it. I hope you enjoy the show. It is not proceeding fast at all, but I wont stop

BAD MOJO Heading east.. heading south. Heading heading. Everywhere I sense things are bad.
Imo is useless since I made her drop her armor. She gets hit aaaaaaall the time. At last we found her a new armor. sheeeeeesh. Do I have to be corncerned with details like that.

AUTHER they went to Ulcaster but here they got killed by skeletons. They went to the south but here they got killed by Hobgoblins. No wonder he has bad feelings about everything. Now he is just stalling around to kill some time. Unfortunately he stumbled into this team of three Hobgoblins. Listen to this:

BAD MOJO Awwwwwwwwww. That really hurt. Stupid thing planted an arrow in me. blood hurts.Thats it I am wearing his armor. Since I am the greatest swordsman of both of us. Had I not been so great we would have been killed. Now she ran out of arrows. Can you believe diary!! This is like having a clown in my party. She can't keep track of anything. I think we better find those to guys at uhm what was it. The fiendly arm. Yep. I better tell Imo that we should stop her stupid plan of running around. Between the two of us, Diary. I better wear two layers of socks. but shhhh.

AUTHER Mojo found a pair of boots. But they are too big for him, so I figure thats where the socks fit in.... Apperently Mojo wants help to survive. Now he blames it all on Imoen. She is really doing a great job. And she does even better when they come to the friendly arms inn. But Mojo wont admit it. see why:

BAD MOJO Pheeeeeew. My friends seem to attack me. This bloke steps up to Imo and almost yells HI FRIEND!!!! in her ear. I tell him I from behind that I am Bad Mojo, and he attacked us. Good thing he was speaking to Imo, cause she stood point blank and planted an arrow in him. Then my bullet hit but she swears it was her second arrow that killed him. As long as I know I am right its ok. Nooooo Diary I am not keeping her in the group cause she is good looking. No. no. no. nooooo.

AUTHER The problem is that both hit. But Imoen's arrow did damage first. Poor Mojo he could have gotten Tarnesh on his dead list. Now all he has is a gibberling. Well I guess it is for the better that he doesn't know. I thought this battle was a no winner, and Mojo would head somewhere else but a little luck isn't all that bad.

BAD MOJO Met Kally and Jally. I KNOW they like those names. Kally is fun. He stutters. Looking mean and all. Ho ho I could splice him in two. These scrolls I found on Yelling man are cool. Wonder how I learn to cast them. Well Gorion never told me diary! I took his Staff also. Yeah I am gonna be the best archmage!. It is cool to wield a mage staff. And We bought over 1000 arrows for Imoen. Yep. Now she shouldn't complain. We had to sell Kallys bow to make room for them. I demanded to get All potions and drank the potion of Invisibility, just to get the system going. Well its been at least 12 hours since I got a potion last time Diary. I am off to play invisible! bye Diary.

AUTHER Mojo seems happy. I guess it is because he feels safe. And has money to spend on potions. And he has seen advantages in armor. It doesn't seem to make him afraid that he can't scribe spells. Well it makes me afraid anyway. He has 0% in chance of learning spells. Its gonna get fun when he realizes his misery and failure as a spellcaster. its actually difficult to make room for more than 1000 arrows but its cool enough. I wonder what he does next. Now he has 3 people to figure out.

HP: 5/5
Gold: 278
AC: 7 ( studded leather armor)
Xp: 223
Inventory: Sling+1, 87 bullets, quarterstaff(Tarnesh), potions: 2xdefence, antiVenom,speed. scrolls: burning hands, MM, armor.
Friends: Imoen(injured), Khalid(uninjured), Jaheira(uninjured)
Rep: 8

 

I just stumbled across this... Absolutely great story.... Probably closer to what I envisoned for Duharrel than what I ended up with. IF you don't keep writing this, well, we just have to .. umm, just have to.. umm, just have to ... DO SOMETHING. Yeah, that's the ticket! We'll do something.

Keep it up.

 

We want more!

 

hey nobleman aren't you gonna continue this thread ? it is funny as hell
pretty please ?

 

Indeed, you play to less.... I can give you some help with getting addicted again

 

Please don't stop and write like mad!
(actually, I have my own gnome thief/illusionist. Stats: 17,19,17,20,10,19:after tomes)

 

Hehe, that are awesome stats. I also have a thief/illusionist in my party and I never knew they could be such powerfull, they are great!

 

Nobleman, nobleman. Where for art thou? We want to read this again!

 

Great story Nobleman!

Anyway, if you folks want to read about other more or less insane gnomes, you can always head over to the ToB forum and read Darth Gnomer's tale. Though he's more evil than insane.

Just advertising for my own thread.

 

/me begins a sit in protest that this isn't updated daily, while enjoying it ofcourse

 

I can't have that happening to a brand new father. I have finally gotten my guts together and sent Mojo to new places. I hope you enjoy it.

BAD MOJO What a lousy potion.... Couldn't even talk to a man. Geee. Do I pay money for that. We'll set of immediately. One two three four. One two three four.

BAD MOJO Shhhh. We have been walking for 14 hours. Weeheeee and Kally doesn't even complain that he carries all the heavy stuff. He is my best pal ever!!! But I can hear YELLLIIIING. Is that you Imo? no no. Ok it's me. And those monsters over there. oh... Not thoseeee.

BAD MOJO I am ruler of all! Did you see how I threw that scroll of magic missile at the wardog!! Woohooo. And and and those burning hands at the other!! Yeah I am on fire. Kally went blazing into three kobolds. And won. Hmmm Perhaps I shouldn't splice him in two anyway. And psst. Diary. I think I am in love with Jally. Did you see her in that leather? Jep That's right Diary, I think its great that you think we are an awesome couple. And the height difference? Not that either! thx diary.

AUTHER It got pretty intense with the random encounter between friendly arms inn and Peldvale. A few wardogs and some kobolds. Yay they were a tough encounter. Doesn't bring much sunshine on the path of the future. Mojo really had the feeling that he was ruler of magic anyway, as he fired away all his scrolls. Now they are tracking around Peldvale.

BAD MOJO Do you think I should find some pretty pretty flowers for Jally? Sould I, should I. Perhaps I should pick a three for her. She loves threes.

BAD MOJO Nooo. What a terrible loss! He just came blazing out with his furious arrows. He was no match to me. I sent kally in close contact. He was whining about Jallys death. So a little combat was fine to stop him cry. I could split him in two! But I am concerned Diary. How shall we carry Imo's 1000 arrows now that Jally is dead? 1000 arrows! what a terrible loss.

BAD MOJO A hundred gold pieces.!!! That was a rip of. Never again will I pay a 100 gold to get my arrow carrier back! Kally seems happy though. I don't know what he sees in jally. She is a complete looser. We are going back to get The 1000 arrows. Untill then Imo can't fire her bow. She doesn't understand, but noone but me can see the bigger picture, NOONE! We need those extra arrows. Buy new ones? what am I? a money vault. If I don't get a potion soon I am ditching everyone!

AUTHER Bad mojo is really agitated right now. Perhaps because they lost 200-300 arrows as he says. But maybe it is because he saw his love slaughtered by an ice arrow or even because he has't had a potion in two days. Whatever it is. I am sure there is no doubt that they'll head back for peldvale.

BAD MOJO Why wouldn't they play "you are it"?heh I got an idea! you're it diary, come and get me...

BAD MOJO At last we came to peldvale. I have dropped my heavy armor!! Why did Jally have to praise every deer we saw, anyway? And Imo got tired of playing "Lets see how I can pickpocket your arrows" after half a day only.. But great we found the old arrows. Wooohoo. I have made Imo fire all the ice arrows untill they are spend. They ruin the picture. Anyway what are they defending these armored annoying ace ..... uhm..... something with a..., give me a word with "a", diary. Archers? No not archers, diary. Shheeeesh. you are way of the toppic. Just because they use bows, they are not archers. I got it! Aggernaughts! yeah. I am sure it is it a word. What do these armored annoying ace Aggernaughts defend? Lemme have a look at this spooky forrest.

AUTHER Mojo is roaming Peldvale because he thinks it is weird that so many well armored archers are defending a simple forrest. And for once he is right. Isn't he? He has run out of scrolls to cast. And the team is taking some hard beatings from each bandit. Oh dear. Nashkeel mines seems so far far away.

HP: 5/5
Gold: 254
AC: 4 (spell Influence)
Xp: 344
Inventory: studded leather, Sling+1, 87 bullets, quarterstaff(Tarnesh), POTIONS: 2xdefence, health, speed.
Friends: Imoen(almost dead), Khalid(Badly injured), Jaheira(Hurt)

[This message has been edited by Nobleman (edited October 08, 2001).]