Is it so hard to gain ones trust;

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This question came to my head through the last topic i started. The question is how hard does anyone of you trusts someone. I believe that trust and especially in the personal affairs is something that defines friendship and in fact i believe that without trusting someone he can never be something more than just an acquaintance.
I only have three people that i trust not blindly in every matter but in many, and these are the three best friends i have and die for them if need be.
But to get to that level of mutual understanding and respect passed at least two years of many strange and rather difficult situations that we proved to each other that we worthed the respect and trust of the others.
Now my mother and my father in their time they used to trust people more easily and were more opened to other people than me and most people i know.
How have we ended up in this situation and how do you feel about this sentiment of mistrust;
Please share your thoughts on this with me

 

trust is strange. Just an example;
My big brother saw someone on television saying that just a tiny fraction (1 out of 100000) of all people on earth could hold their breath for more than 2 minutes. I am in pretty good shape so I told him it was easy. He didn't believe it. So later that day (my brother wasn't there) I held it for 3 minutes. A friend of mine did so for 2 minutes and he isn't exactly a master athlete. My brother didn't believe us. So he put more trust in some random guy he saw for 2 minutes on the telly more than his family and friends. I am sure this is not the first time it ever happened.

Just a reflexion that closer and closer friends does not necessarily mean more and more trust. So more trust does not necessarily mean Closer friends

 

I trust most people in general until they give me a reason not to do so. Once someone has lost my trust, though, they're screwed.

Here's an interesting anecdote fromm my time at the Missionary Training Centre in Provo, Utah. I was there for 2 months taking an intensive Japanese course before they sent me over to proselyte. I had roomates. There was one drawer that was equipped with rings for a combination lock, and I kept my valuables locked up. My two roommates didn't use their's, and they were offended that I did "Don't you trust us? We're the only ones with access to this room. We're all clergy, for pity's sake!" My response was this. "If I lose something, I'll know it was my fault. If I left it unlocked and lost something, there'd always be the niggling thought in the back of my mind that maybe one of you two took it. This way, there's never any chance ofme suspecting you two, so we won't have 'roommate' problems." I also tried the "Good Fences Make Good Neighbours" quote, but they were illiterate twerps, so it didn't get through. I still think I was right. Comments?

 

Any person you walk across to in the streets, who you cannot give the keys to your house to. The secrets of your personality. And the thread of your life. And know that they would not misuse them for their own advantage, but give them back to you for to you they belong , should be shot. Right then, right there, and extremely brutally.

Because 98% of the people on this country at least don't fit in the *oh so demanding* description above, it gives a pretty good picture of how I view people. And how much I trust them. I fit the description above, I give my trust to anyone who is willing to receive it. And I betray no-one unless they have brought the trouble to themselves quite knowingly. Which is precisely why I've been beaten numerous times on the social and emotional level. No more about that. The entire concept of trust brings nothing more than hatred and bitterness into my mind.

 

I trust no one blindly myself included. There is a number of people I could trust as far as intentions are concerned and somewhat less people I could trust on effectivity. Generally if I want something done and done well I'd better do that myself (or see it being done).

This doesn't mean I'm especially suspicious. I'm catious, yes, but many a time act as though I were putting more trust in someone than it is in reality. I just don't see strangers as potential wrongdoers or acquiantances as potentially cheating until they prove themselves to be so. Once lost, the trust I put in them is very hard to regain and never returns to its former strength. If I know it's just a failing and the person in question is a friend or family member, then I 'only' adjust my expectations and requirements. This may sound rigid, but I'm still able to trust a nearly total stranger (to some extent) - even if it's not really trust but rather giving a chance and accepting the consequences that might arise.

 

I know you can't trust noone blindly although in some matters i believe that some people can gain this level of trust.
All i'm saying is that i believe that trust in our days seems harder to be gained or given and easier to be broken. Is this a "problem" of our era or something else is the real problem.
Is this a sign of decaying relationships in our society or simply another consequence of the rythms our lives have taken (can't afford any loose ends etc).
For example if you take the marriage, which is a relationship between two people based on mutual trust and understanding, in these last few years is passing through a major crisis due to lack of these two critical feelings IMHO.

 

When talking about trust how much trust do you mean. There are pleantly of people i would trust to ... umm lets say keep a secret or something like that. But there would only be one or two people on the face of this pathetic planet who i would trust my life with, and even then with great reluctance. Like two people above said, I trust most people right away, but once they lose that trust it is very very hard to rebuild, very hard indeed.
But then refering to your question i think its a lot harder to gain ones trust than it is to trust someone. I don't know why it just is .

After reading Mithrantir last post
I don't think that trust is harder to gain than every before. With the marriges it's just a phase i think that in a while the marrige rate will pick up again. Its just a phase or a fashion.

[ May 13, 2003, 11:06: Message edited by: Ruler of the Known Universe ]

 

I don't trust just anyone blindly. Trust is earned through time. Now this doesn't mean I'm paranoid and think that everyone is out to get me. I usually give everyone the benefit of the doubt, give them a certain level of trust and then see if I should trust more, trust less, or maintain the status quo.

But for one's sanity, you must have somebody to trust. Otherwise, life would be miserable.

 

Trust? Ha! I have been backstabbed often enough that in real life, earning my trust is just about impossible. Heck, I don't trust even the people I love, because I know that they have failed/betrayed me in the past so why trust them now? I don't have friends. Oh, people say I am freindly and nice and all that, but all they see is the exterior. They think I trust them, teeling them things they themselves would keep private... not seeing that I´do not trust.

Over the internet, however... There are quite afew people I know online who know all my deep, dark secrets and such. Rationally I know this trust is futile as well, but what can I say? It's just my way.

Trust- not for me.

(Sounding really stupid, I believe, but after all, I just woke )

 

I trust everyone to some degree until it's shown that I shouldn't. For example, I'll ask a stranger to hold my place in the grocery check-out line while I go grab something I forgot, but I'll take my purse and the baby with me. I assume that all people are basically honest and kind, and so far this has generally proven to be the case. Even when dealing with chip-on-the-shoulder teens, I find that being courteous deflates some of their bravado.

Deep trust, however, does have to be earned, and when it's lost it's not regained easily.

 

I don't know really.
I trust some people, though not many.
No, I really don't think trust people.
I am too cautiuos.