Men Blaming Women For Their Dating Problems

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On questions like: How to talk to women, what to say to them, how to approach them, should you bring a flower on that first date...some men think that the advice should come from the men, After all, they say, they are the ones who are doing it; that you should ask the men who have success with women. And, they say, "women don't know what they want. They are too indecisive."

On the surface this does seem to make sense. There are indeed a lot of women who really don't know what they want. But, if one was to look at this closely, you may find another point of view. Let's look at this more closely, and think about this:

When you compare the sexes, do you think that there are probably just as many men who are the same way because they think with their hormones? One moment he wants this particular woman, the next he changes his mind to another type of woman. Are some men indecisive like this? read full article



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“There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats.”

 

We could just ask Mel Gibson. He knows what women want.

 

On a first date:
Flowers: good
Opening the doors: good
Asking for a goodnight kiss: good

Talking about your ex: bad
Slapping her ass: bad
Asking if she puts out on a first date: bad

 

Not overly impressed by the article, to be honest. The reasoning is sometimes weak- for example, in the author's first argument about indecisiveness, he forgets that people can be indecisive about different things and simply assumes that they are indecisive in general. A man who cannot decide which kind of women he prefers is not equivalent to a women being unable to decide on what she wants from a man. Said man may be able to give very good advice on picking up women (probably on various types of women since he changes his favourite often), while still being indecisive.

From the rest of the article, I consider the part on a guy looking for a serious relationship relying on advice from a casual dater to be a strawman- really, who is going to completely accept advice from someone with different goals to you? The bit on misunderstandings between the sexes probably happens quite a bit though.

The part on sometimes asking a women's preference is better, but from my experience, it is still possible that she will say what she is expected to say rather than what she actually thinks. Obviously this is a massive generalisation and is not always true, but I've found it to happen.

 

Here's a hint: on the first date, actually get to know the woman. Find out if she likes flowers (and what kind). Assume she likes a guy who'll open doors for her, but confirm (there are some who don't). Is she on a diet (if so, chocolates are probably out, if not, they're probably in)? Does she love slasher films and football?

The truth is, every woman is different, just like every guy is different, just like every snowflake is different, and every retinal patter... ok, you get my point. To find out what your lady(and you had better call her a lady) wants, you have to find out what she wants, not the girl down the street, not your ex, not someone online.

 

I absolutely hate it when men take a 'blanket approach' to women it's completely ridiculous, I know women that do it as well and they need a swift kick in the personality.

I even agree with the sentiment Bros before Hos, too many women expect to get with a guy and then change him to her ideal then get angry and frustrated when a dude just doesn't comply with her every wish.

Likewise guys have a certain level of expectation of every woman they date - almost a template of what is and isn't 'right' and whine and cuss about it to their friends when they realise the chick they're dating isn't what they dream of and ends in confusion and anger once more.

If a men is dense enough to ask "what do women want?" and apply their own theorised answer to every woman to see who bites, they pretty much deserve the rejection they get. Too many magazines and theories lie in blanketing what is 'normal' and 'acceptable' to the point where pretty much they all contradict one another.

 

What gets really frustrating is when you DO take the time to talk to the woman you are dating, and she says "I want X, Y and Z."

So like a fool, you bust your ass to provide her with X, Y, and Z, just like she asked, because you aren't one of those guys who makes assumptions, no sir, you showed respect and treated her as an individual.

Then, she ****ing turns around and <female dogs> because you gave her exactly what she wants. Why? Who the **** knows? When you say "Honey, you said you wanted X, Y, and Z, and that's exactly what I did, exactly the way you said!" and she says "that wasn't what I really meant" and proceeds to just be an utter whore about the whole thing, utterly refusing to even attempt to be reasonable or logical or even admit to the possibility that she isn't 100000% perfect.

I don't know about this "men blaming women for their dating problems" title -- some women have no problem blaming men for EVERY problem in the world, let a lone their dating ones, and no one holds these sluts accountable for their personality flaws.

Bottom line in LKD's opinion, women have the right to expect decent, fair, respectful treatment from the men they date. But what the psycho feminist whining hosebeasts need to learn is that they have the bloody well reciprocate with the decency, fairness and respect.

 

Because if they're sluts, it's not their personalities we're interested in.

 

Guys can easily do the same and do!

Men and women also do this bloody ridiculous thing where they'll say what they think the other person wants to hear - why? It's pointless to the extreme and in the end just results in heartache.

Humans are social creatures and there is a kernal within everyone which doesn't want to be alone - how each person processes that is different - but people lie, people have an idealised view on what a person *should* want, *should* behave and *should* expect - as a result there is always a level of false action where a person assumes their own vision of an idealised persona to draw the attention of whoever they have their eye on, that can be verbal, body language, alteration in fashion or simply public behaviour.

As a result you get people that abuse peoples presumptions, or get so confused they cannot identify what they want.

*****es be crazy, and jerks just as much

 

That's not how that is meant to be used... If I were single, and my buddy were to divorce his smoking hot wife, "Bro's before Ho's" would prevent me from dating/having sex with her.

Hope that clears things up...

 

Round here the sentiment tends to be more aimed at putting friends first then partners. Have seen many instances where a gf will insist a bf stops talking to certain people. Have had bfs get worked up with me because most of my friends are male I'm not stopping talking to my friends just because my bf is inseceure. If he honestly thinks I'm going to run off with another guy then that's his problem - I have done nothing to earn distrust.

My friendship groups are also more liberal, a lot of my friends have dated one another and I am still friends with most of my exes, we still talk a lot and are very close. There have only been two fallouts over it, one where a rather attention seeking friend flipped, another where some tart wouldn't let one of our friends talk to anyone she didn't like... which was everyone except her exclusive friendship group

 

Women aren't all the same. There are few things that work for all of them, besides some standarised seduction that men are just as vulnerable to. Certain things are common and one of those things is respect, another is cherishing (for lack of a less archaic word), another is a strong male arm (physical or emotional) to rely on. Pretty much as much as men want a woman who will take care of them but without too much mothering and who will treat them with respect. These last decades, both sexes increasingly want intelligent conversation and emotional closeness. But when it comes to the particulars - and sometimes already in the generals - people differ among themselves.

From time to time, everybody will be unreasonable for a while, so the best thing is to forgive and forget. When it's more habitual, it's a civilisational disease. Most soap operas around, some books and some cinema pieces promote a deranged personality. It's nothing new, it's the same femme fatale thing or Candid or Werther. As a rule, finding something to do, getting a job, going out more, should help. Let's not confuse this with real, actual, medical units that no one should talk lightly about - those are also a disease of our times (let's not complain, instead let's be happy we don't have the same kind of diseases that roamed mediaeval Europe).

Generally, there's a Polish saying that translates, more or less, "the eyes saw what they took." And that's kinda true. People go for a "sexy" shape or a deep voice or other such things, ignoring the rest, and at some point the former is all they have and the rest is what they don't have and what they mourn. It takes a sober decision at some point not to pursue someone just because of one or two attractive factors and without knowing if he or she will make a good lifetime partner.

Some of the cliche examples are men falling for women who share their charms generously. Afterwards they complain that the women... share their charms generously. On the other hand, women might fall for guys who display a lot of decisiveness and supplement it with physical or other force. Afterwards, they complain that the men... display a lot of decisiveness and supplement it with physical or other force. Examples like this are many.

Actually, when it comes to what LKD and Occy talked about, men do do that too. In fact, while we guys don't like that kind of game - changing the rules on the fly and unilaterally, stating expectations and afterwards claiming they were the exact opposite etc. - we wanna run, in turn, women seem (my experience gathered from conversations) more liable to fall for the uncertainty factor, together with lack of predictability. Mature women shouldn't have a problem dealing with it, but younger ones may have one. So they might well have it worse than we guys do.

To sum up, once people get over the hunting mechanics and put some breaks on their attraction compulsions, and start thinking about what's good for them in the long run, things start to clear up and all that stupid drama most likely disappears.

Oh, by the way, don't go to pink sites if you're looking for a serious man or woman. Really.

 

Nice, eloquent post, btw. One thing I will say is that I still believe physical attraction is still important in a partner - even if it's fostered through a relationship. Artificial beauty is glorified in media all around and eyes (from both sexes ) will and do wander. If an aspect of a relationship is completely incompatible, even if the rest are sound, there will be cracks emerging.

Even when completely satisfied - people still look at possible faults, when it's the only thing, it becomes more exaggerated.

Priorities are also important, gods I learnt that the hard way!

 

Care to elaborate as to "what's good for them"?