My Novel

Remove all ads!

I came from the land of the mighty regions of Suldanessalar! I am the almighty! The angel who rules the sky of Neverwinter! I am the watcher, the one who slaughtered the ruthless leader of the Underdark! The hero, who sent forth the blazing curse upon the wretched people of Waterdeep!

So Many names, So little time to live, So many tails to tell…

------------------------------------------------
CHAPTER ONE – THE FALL OF SULDANESSALAR
------------------------------------------------

I’m Tyrael Xeloseven, born from the great tree of Suldanessalar. I was always different, far from my brother elves who lives in the kingdom of Suldanessalar.

"Haha! Look at that disgusting elf! Born with dark-skin like of those elves who live in the Underdark!" People always laughed at me, but I ignored them. "I have my family! They love me! They will care for me! I am strong, different yet STRONG!"

Alas! The day that I feared most came upon my elven life. "Tyrael, my son", my mother heavily spoke. I saw her face crippled as if torn by the dragons of the Underdark. "Suldanessesalar is under attack! Irenicus has come back."

Blood splashed in my face. Tears fell from my eyes. I cried loudly! Deep with awe and anger I summoned forth my greatest magic, which I practiced over the years. "Trese… Alia… Fero…" Enchanted beings appeared before my eyes! "Get them! Quickly”, I commanded! Bam! Bam! But then suddenly three Golems appeared in the room! "Golems? There resistant to my magic!" I felt helpless.

I saw my mother, lying helplessly in the corner, blood all over her body! "Aren’t we immortals? Tell me!" "Yes we are… but Johnnn Irenicus… the tree of life...run..."

No words came from her gentle lips, her eyes slowly closed. I felt cold, lifeless without a path. All I remember is her last words "Run!!!"

So I flew a coward! I saw Elsime, the queen of high elves in Suldanessallar captured by John, the fallen elf. I was mesmerized; John is in front of me. I shivered and stood still. My eyes just followed his god-like body to the tree of life. Then he looked back at me, evilly smiled then said, "Weakling! You are not suited as one of the guardians of the gate! You’re petty magic’s are useless against me!"

A rift from the air appeared, a portal... I still stood still, shaking like a coward. With his mighty words he said, "You weakling elves stands no chance against me! Leave Suldanessalar in my hands, I give you one chance go to this portal and leave!"

Most elves just continued to battle with hope in there eyes. "Never!!!” they cried. Tears start falling from my eyes. I felt alone, lonely without friends. "I don’t have friends here, what’s to loose if I go there? My mom gone, the one and only family I know. I’m all alone!" I just cried and cried, rivers of tears befell my eyes. I closed my eyes and breath deeply. I remembered the last words my mother left me "RUN!!” So I went into the portal!

I felt weak and alone- the emptiness, the grief, the anger; it’s just too much! And so I shouted as hard as I my lungs could bear. "Whhhy!!!"

[ September 17, 2003, 21:03: Message edited by: night_hawk ]

 

I've told people to spellcheck, work on their grammar, capitalize their words correctly, and then try to work on their plot, but then again, constructive criticism doesn't seem to go well with many fan fiction writers today.

Oh well. I guess I'll just say, "Wow! Excellent peice off work! Plz write more!"

 

--------------------------------------------
CHAPTER TWO-THE UNKNOWN LAND
--------------------------------------------

"No man is an island no man can stand alone"
-Anonymous


I came to an unknown land. I heard screams! Cries which even the Gods would fear! I run across a seamless endless plane. I remembered my mother lying by the side of the room, blood all over her! "Run" she said! "Run" I run and run, endless -just run.

I felt my feet weakening, my lungs gasping for air, my body looking for a soft pillow to sleep in. I kept running across the rugged plains, wounds appeared in my body-thorned by the mysterious plants that’s grew in that plain.

Alas I saw a cave, like a helpless child I went in seeking for comfort. I closed my eyes; dreams hunted me. I saw demons! Bhaal the God of murder and Irenicus slaughtering my fellow brethrens "Why did you leave?" "Run!" "Run!" "Coward!” “Black skinned elf!" "Aggghh!" I woke up. I sought refuge but none was in my sight.

" I don’t want to be alone!” I shouted. I felt my tears falling, “Tears... Tears... don’t come out! Don’t."

I just stood there alone and wounded.

I started walking. My eyes near-closed from exhaustion. I felt hunger, that of which only mortals would feel. I fell, "All is lost I said”, blood flew over my outworked little feet. I softly crouched into a dead tree, put my legs together and embraced it with my arms.

Memories came back, those days-the happy times. "Tyr!” my mom calls me. Magic filled her eyes. Dreams conquered her fear. ” Ready to practice your magic arts? You’ll show them! Your one special elf!"

"Mama, will I be strong and good like Dad and brother?" "Yes son, you will, just do your best and you will become the best." Countless dreams flew in my mind. "I’m a hero I proudly said! Ill kill dragons with my lordly might! I'll conquer realms with my elven blood!" "I'll show them mama!"

She always has that look in her eyes which comforts me. "I love you Mama I wish Papa and Brother were here."

I always dreamt for that day-my brother and me playing, practicing magic together, defeating Diablo’s or go adventuring with papa.

"I will be the best... Will I? Can I?"

Two day passed, I was half-dead, disillusioned with hunger and tiredness. Then I heard little voices from afar. I saw two gorgeous ladies approaching me. "Hello their handsome!" they energetically said. "Come with us, well give you pleasure. We promise it will be the best happening in your life. " I nodded quickly. "It doesn’t matter if they have wings like demons, I don’t have nothing to loose-I have no one-there pretty and gentle." "Ha! Ha! Ha!" they chuckled softly.

[ September 17, 2003, 19:49: Message edited by: night_hawk ]

 

Two words: Work harder.

 

--------------------------------------------------
CHAPTER THREE: YIRVANA,THE BROTHEL
--------------------------------------------------

I woke up from my slumber, I felt drowsy, "Ugghhnnn!" I saw girls around me-beautiful, perfect, the best in all the planes. I liked them all; nothing was in my mind but lust. I forgot all my worries, my fears... "They like me?” I whispered, "No one ever liked me."

I smiled gently at them. They smiled back. A girl touched me in my neck slid her hot hands in my body. My face turned red. My body felt hot. "Ha! Ha! Ha", they laughed. They bathe me as if I were a God. Worshipped me as if I were someone. "Is this what humans call heaven?"

Suddenly, *snap* I felt the last of my energies sucked out of my body. I fell from my knees. Coughed roughly and realized they were succubus. I remembered I’m not immortal anymore. The last of my elven blood was stripped when I went through that portal.

Fear loomed in my heart. I’m helpless with these beings! I was about to shout when I saw the most gorgeous girl in the Multi Universe. Time seemed to have stopped. My heart beat faster, my blood quickly raised from its sleep, "She’s so perfect," I murmured. I looked deeply in her in the eyes. She gazed back at me. I was stunned! Mesmerized by her god-given beauty!

So like a fool I stayed there. I fell in love the moment I saw this girl. No words came out from my mouth. I just sat there waiting for her words. I was dying, yet my heart told me to stay. “It doest matter if I die, no one awaits me” I just want to look at her-the glimpse that will fulfill the magic in my heart.

So I looked more at the mysterious lady. I saw her gorgeous eyes, her soft lips, fair skin and tender body. My eyes started closing. “One more glimpse, one more. Just one more.” I felt numb, my body all-cold. I felt fear, yet happiness runs in my veins.

I tried to raise my hand. “I want to know you. Who are you” Try as I might, I cant reach her. My voice was weakened by the mysterious touch of the succubus. “Goodbye, I Love you.” I just softly whispered.

Then they left. I closed my tired eyes, smiled and rested my dying body quietly over a soft, comfortable bed. But then, just before all was about to end I felt a touch and water dripping in my forehead. “I’m sorry,” the angelic voice cried. I felt my body healing, rejuvenated from the poisonous touch of the succubus.

I slowly opened my eyes saw the girl of my dreams; I saw her face angered by what her fellow kin was doing.

“Run and Never come back!”

“Wait! Can I know you my mistress? What’s you’re name?” I eagerly said.

“Run!” she hastily replied.

My heart was telling me to stay but her words utter me to leave. I quickly went out without a word. “Go with me!” I shouted back at her while running away from the brothel.

I heard a faint voice from afar, “Go! Run! Get Out from here”.

[ September 17, 2003, 19:50: Message edited by: night_hawk ]

 

Punctuation. Spelling. Grammar. Originality.

Sheesh. Only Padeen Dragonblade can match you in those terms.

Some advice: Use a word processor. It helps a lot.

 

What they said.

 

Jeez, don't be so mean! Lay off the guy. At least he's not breaking the rules.

 

And now following the conventions of grammar (sort of). Still, I bet he's got a long way to go. But then again, don't most of we wannabe fantasy writers?

My advice?

Stop writing, pay more attention in English class, read more, resume writing, revise writing.

 

--------------------------------------------------
CHAPTER FOUR: THE DEATH OF IRENICUS
--------------------------------------------------

”No path, no home, where am I to go?” I walked for countless days. ---

At last, I came across a huge encampment. It was old and rugged. War seemed to have passed this place. I saw thousands of corpses lying in my sight! “May the great tree protect thy soul,” I whispered.

I saw a man, standing in the middle of those corpses. He wears a large cloak over his head. His dress was long, pure black and marked with an insignia- an eye of the dragon with the wings of an Avariel. He’s face was simple yet fierce. “Vita... Mortis... Carreo...” he’s large voice said over the fallen warriors. A globe of light appeared over his hands, one by one the fallen corpse aroused from their death sleep.

I was shocked, petrified from what I’ve seen. “Is he going to attack me? I’m completely helpless and Powerless! I’m just a mortal-An elf without a power.”

Escape was the first thing on my mind. So I silently walked back to a huge boulder of rock near the encampment. But then his eyes turned at me. He looked straight in my head, pointed his fingers and said, “Who are you? Speak!” My lips wont open. “Don’t you know me?” he followed. “I am Rashu! The best cleric known in Curst. "No." I meekly replied.

------------
** some one pm me and told me, "You'll be the next recipient of the GMoTW plaque." whats the GMotW supposed to mean?
** whats proper "I went in the house" or "I went inside the house" or it doesnt matter?

[ September 17, 2003, 20:20: Message edited by: night_hawk ]

 

No, you shouldn't. Once you've started something in first-person perspective, switching to third-person at random just to stop using "I" all the time would be awkward and confusing.

Spelling and grammar COUNT. If something is too difficult to read, it can have the most fabulous plot and characters in the world and it will still sit on my shelf gathering dust.

 

teh gmotw plague is this thign 4 ppl who can't spell 4 crap......... if u r bad @ speling, u'll prboably recieve that.... but dont worry!ur speling isnt as bad as some others

(Typing speed reduced by 50%.)

"I went inside the house," wuld b teh proper way 2 say it

(One last comment - if you ever do fully master grammar and spelling - even with the help of spellcheck - be sure to do at least an original plot. I've never liked stories based on computer games.)