New Job Opening at the EU: Pirate Culture Advisor

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Now, in these hard times, every job created is something to be celebrated, especially if it's paid well and the benefits are good. Here's something that might catch your fancy: the EU is looking for an expert on pirate culture. Unfortunately, it's the maritime, not computer piracy (there goes my chance)... but still, if someone here wants to do something about all those Long John silver and Jack Sparrow wannabes down in Somalia and get some decent money from it, now you can. To put it in the eloquent words of the Daily Mail journalists:

Spoiler

The recruit will help naval commanders understand the psychology and tactics of gangs who ransom sailors for millions of dollars a year along the coast of Africa. Over 30 ships with more than 400 hostage are thought to be currently held by Somali pirates in the Indian Ocean.

EU navies protecting shipping in one of the world's busiest waterways will be briefed how best to fight the growing threat. The right candidate will also advise commanders on pirates' religious practices and their habit of chewing qhat, an amphetamine-filled plant which makes users hyperactive. A former military officer who is expert in shipping, insurance and ransom negotiations is expected to get the job with EU Navfor, the European anti-piracy task force based at the Nato HQ in Northwood, London.

Navfor spokesman Commander Harry Harrison told the Sunday Telegraph: 'The job title may sound ambiguous, but what we are really looking for here is someone who can help us know the enemy better, 'The intention is to seek advice on the Somali pirates' methodology and tactics, which are constantly evolving.' Cmdr Harrison said Navfor might also be interested in Somali applicants with detailed knowledge of the country and its clans.He said that there was nothing 'romantic' about modern day piracy. 'These people are not Johnny Depp or Keira Knightly messing about in Pirates of Caribbean, they are crooks who take sailors hostage.'

Retired British couple Paul and Rachel Chandler, from Kent, were held captive for over a year after they were seized from their yacht off the Seychelles in October 2009.The BBC said a ransom of over a million dollars was paid for their release.Pirates' income from ransom has been estimated to be about (about $58 million in 2009 (£35 million) and $238 million (£146 million) in 2010.
However, indirect costs of piracy are much higher and estimated to be between $7 to 12 billion as they also include insurance, naval support, legal proceedings, re-routing of slower ships, and individual protection taken by ship-owners.

By the way, here's the actual vacancy, in case anyone decides to give it a go and help the Brits, Germans, French et al. get their "Yarrr"s right.

 

Arrggh!

 

You just failed your interview Bruno.

It's Arrrr! Not Arrggh!

 

Depends if you're the one being boarded.

 

Fair point 8.

 

I have a suggestion -- maybe I'll get the job. Get a bunch of small Navy boats -- ones similar to the one JFK commanded in the Pacific theatre. Assign translators to each boat's contingent of soldiers. Have them patrol. Support them with scout planes, copters, and drones. Hell, have some attack subs in there -- God knows we made quite a few in the 80s.

When an unscheduled, suspicious boat is seen it will be told, via radio and bullhorn, to stop and identify itself for inspection in Somali, Arabic, English, French, Italian, and maybe a few other languages. If they try to evade the Navy boat, blast them out of the water. It's my understanding that these Somali pirates aren't exactly using high tech equipment -- they shouldn't be able to outrun, outgun or outmaneuver a Navy boat filled with well trained, well equipped soldiers.

No arrests, no trials, no <cat>footing around. Just kill the bastards. Their efforts to evade are enough, in my mind, to convict them.

We can do this. To quote the 6 million dollar man, "we have the technology." Do we have the will to actually protect the innocent shippers? Or do we treat their lives and safety as worthless?

Have the shippers pay a tax somewhere along the line to offset the costs of these security operations.

 

I thought it was Yarrr! (sometimes followed by matey)

 

Generally, a wider presence of monitoring vehicles would be good, but considering the area that has to be patrolled, it would be quite expensive. I'm not sure just what boats those guys are using, but they've been active over quite a large area lately. Still, more monitoring craft in at least the Gulf of Aden would probably help a lot. Overall, I think they are interested in people to know more about how to get that done.

Well, if you have someone with the right credentials, point him towards the ad. I'm not sure if they don't have to have a citizenship from a EU country, though. I'd expect it to be a requirement, although since it does say they are interested in any Somalis who know who's who and what's where, perhaps it isn't.