Of dates, gifts and cash

Remove all ads!

Some things that popped up in Jaguar's topic ( http://www.sorcerers.net/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?/topic/22/348.html ) have just given me an idea for another thread.

Basically, among other ideas of spending time together with your date, shopping was mentioned. As I said in that thread, if you already have to go shopping, going together isn't a bad idea. It's not like I consider it a great dating idead in its own right (i.e. going shopping because you need to go somewhere for the date you're having), but other people can like it, sure, why not. However, it still seems odd to me to go shopping with a new date. A friend, girlfriend... well, maybe. But a new date?

Also, there's an immediate mental connection with paying for things, buying stuff and the like. I'm the old-fashioned guy that pays the bill. I don't mind friends asking me to buy a round if they can't really afford it, or even to invite them on me. And I enjoy buying gifts for people for whom I care. Especially flowers.

But still, the idea of buying a woman drink creeps me out. It insults the woman and it isn't really oh so fair towards myself. "Care to join me for a drink?" or "May I join in?" (ordering something or coming with something already) is perfectly viable, but not just buying stuff to someone who has an own wallet so much as I have.

The "Can I buy you a drink?" line is one of the most awful things the human race has invented. As I said above, I don't buy drinks that way, period. When I invite someone to join me for a drink, I'm the host, so I pay for it. If I join someone, it's polite to bring something with me. All within the boundaries of the host-guest relations. But the standard picture: a dumb-faced guy approaching a girl and uttering his thousand times repeated "can I buy you a drink?"... I can't stand it. The fact it should be "may" and not "can" also contributes.

To me, it's buying favours, simple as it is. As such, it's incompatible with my conduct and it pisses me off to the max whenever I have to see it happen. Yeah, buy the heart of your chosen girl with a couple of cheap drinks at the bar and drink her into consuming your newly discovered mutual afflic... affection. Brilliant.

Well, but let's get back to shopping. What sort of a woman does it take to exchange favours for shopping on the guy? Eh, enter the first club you pass by and you'll see it doesn't really take a whole shopping. Sometimes a single drink gets you laid. Yeah, if 5 minutes on the back seat of your car or in the toilet is what you like.

Perhaps I'm being bitter, but if someone resorts to bribing for some attention, it shows the person doesn't really have anything else to offer. Also, a man who uses cash or material possessions to buy a woman's favours (notice the "to buy favours" part before you flame me)has only himself to blame for his sorry fate when she sells herself to a higher bidder. After all, what else does he deserve if he can't give anything without wanting sex in return?

Q: "Will you go out with me for bringing you these here goods, oh fair maiden?"
A: "It depends on the bounties I have yet to expect, oh noble sir."

 

the idea of the frosty libations was not one of "I wonder how many vodka tonics it will take,", but maybe a glass of wine or whatever she may like. And if you are out with a girl on a date and you ask her what she would like to drink, if she says a shot of Jager with a beer back or a diet Dr. Pepper, doesn,t matter to me. The idea of buying someone clothing, jewelry etc. on a date is completely absurd to me. I agree, is this going to make me look good because 6 months down the road, guess what? Your gonna be shoppin still, pray to whatever God you pray to you have the funds to take care of that kind of relationship. The reason. One day it is a set of earrings, the next a bracelet. You can't go back to these, you always have to outdo yourself. Hey Chev, are we both bitter?

 

I paid enough for her in the first place. I'll be damned if I take her shopping.

 

@Tiberius: Still, just buying a drink for someone seems absurd unless you already have one yourself or don't want to drink yourself but don't want your guest to stay without one. Whatever else would be an insult to the woman and an absurd to me.

Guys who do that know what they are doing. Pity they all too often get what they want. They want sex for a drink that costs them less than paying a prostitute. Can you imagine a greater insult?

 

You ask a girl if she wants a drink (we all know what we want form this guys dont we) but if she asks for n e thing other than the beer or a double vodka and soda then we know its going down hill drastically and we know to ship out pretty darn quick...unless we like her, and the choice of her drink (believe it or not) measures the strength of a girls character and how far she will go for you, if shes just out for fun she wil make it very simple ("double vodka and tonic luv" are the words your likely to hear) but she can always suprise you with the words "suprise me".

As for buying gifts dont ask thats just wrong, the above is part of society (unfortunatley), but to trade gifts for frenship is pure wrongism!! (if theres such a word)

How much have you ever spent on a girl before? Was she worth it the price or was it a waste?

 

Eh, strength of her character and how far she will go for a complete stranger? (Complete stranger that has popped out of nowhere and is trying to buy her favours, that is.). Yeah... "surprise me" and I'll surprise you and everyone will be happy. Fair exchange. That's why I don't like the whole habit. It's a cheap way of having a girl obligated to do things she wouldn't normally do. Absurd.

I'm not really interested in girls that come for a price, really. And when I spend money on someone it is because I want to and not because I want to get something for that. I don't make "investments".

 

Kinda the same for when girsl say they're wearing that cause they don't like the attention, but because it makes them feel nice... yeah right...

 

Whatever. If I went for paid favours, numbers are in the phone book. There's a difference between being a gentleman and attempting to buy favours. Inviting for a drink or ordering something for someone who joins you while you're already drinking, or paying the bill when you're drinking with a lady belongs to the former, but simply buying a stranger a drink lies in the latter region.

 

LMAO. Are we all too simple? Or are some of us just too complex for the rest of the world?

 

I'd have to honestly say I have never drank a drink a guy has bought for me unless I actually have seen it opened or made. I'm not a very trusting person by nature.

When I am on a date I really dont expect the guy to buy me anything more than what he insinuated when he asked me out...ie dinner, lunch, concert tickets...etc.

 

The moment I'm expected to buy something for a girl is the moment she finds herself without a ride home. My wallet is the only place in my pants she's not allowed to go.

I'm not really a 'gift buying' type unless I see something that is special and is suited to both the giver and the reciever (i.e. it's something the girl will like and it will remind her of me - reflects part of my personality she likes).

Birthdays, christmas, chocolate at easter, maybe something on valentines - sure. But I won't buy gifts unless it's a 'very' special occasion.

Drinks in bars? I don't pick up girls in bars. It's the last place I want to start a relationship with someone - too cliche, nothing special. Not to mention there are too many girls (in New Zealand at least) who go to bars to flirt with guys, get free drinks but not actually contribute anything and who seem lovestruck till it's obvious you're not going to buy another round.

 

From what I've learned, the trick is not to buy a girl a drink. My best friend's kid sister taught me that. (go figure) There's plenty of girls who'll abuse the who sucker 'can I buy you a drink' to go through the evening without spending a single buck. Once the guy notices his 'investment' doesn't yield any results, she'll go and find another chump to sucker in. (just noticed, this is basically what Abomination said too )

In my experience, the entire 'bar' scene is bad to pick up women. Either you're getting a 'sure, buy me into your bed with drinks. sod off', a girl that'll give you an empty wallet but no nookie (as described above) or some crazy ass drunken chick. Of course, exceptions happen.

If you want to pick up girls, go to places where you can meet them casually. A bar isn't the place to meet casually. Go to the gym, take up a hobby which allows you to meet new people. Finding that one true love isn't about running after girls. It's about getting in touch with a lot of people, of which one might be the one. Or lead you to the one.

 

What about the girl who uses the reverse? "Would you like to buy me a drink?" Swish. Swish being the infamous hand pushing hair back in a sexy matter.

 

Well Jaguar that's either one of two things.
A. She actually likes the way you look/move/sound.
B. She's pissed off that none of the guys in the bar have the courage to ask her for a drink and she's getting thirsty.

I've met one that is classed as 'situation A' and too many classed as 'situation B' however for the situation Bs it wasn't because nobody had the courage, but because the girls often had faces like a smacked bottom.

 

I'm not a drink-buying guy; I'm surrounded by strong-minded women every day and I'm not naive enough to think that asking someone if they want me to buy them a drink entitles me to anything more than buying them a drink. Besides which, I'm a student ineligible for government benefits (because I'm too YOUNG, of all things), therefore I am poor, and therefore getting myself drunk is all I can afford... (sob).

I think Faragon's on the money - the bar scene is full of shifty operators (male and female). I'm not about to prostitute my dignity and I'd expect that if I did, I'd get used for what little money I have and discarded. Turnabout is fair play, after all, and if I assume someone's shallow enough to sleep with me for a couple of drinks and my less-than-sparkling repartee, then I'd deserve everything I got for being such a pig.

I always act on the assumption that I should be ABLE to pay for anything on a date, although if I blow heaps of money on something spontaneous it'll be because I want to, not because I feel forced to. I'll be prepared, but I'm not going to bankrupt myself - it is about me as well, after all. To me, being interested in someone means far more than "how deep are my pockets?" But as I said earlier, I'll spare no expense I can afford if it feels right - you can do something nice for the hell of it, but I just don't think you can/should commodify romance. Sex, yes. Romance, no.

And Abom: I think the phrase you might want is "a face like a bucket of smashed crabs". Not as lewd as the other one, much better at getting a laugh.

 

If it's a friend, I don't mind. If a stranger, well, I would buy the drink, of course, but I would give a thought to her reasons. I would have to be single to keep talking to her if she were trying her sexy voice on me, though.

You know, when you're in a bar and you're getting thirsty, you just page the barman and order some.

 

Yes, if you're a guy. However in New Zealand many a woman relies on someone else to provide the alcohol.

 

I agree with chevalier in the fact that the male should pay for most things on a date. However this could go a little to far if the date eventually wandered into a bar. I know that bar tabs can run quite high and if you do end up in a bar bad things can happen that might end a relationship.

 

Hmmm.. a note or two from the female perspective here.
If a guy just walks up and asks me if he can buy me a drink, the answer is no. It's far too likely he's just trying to get more than I'm willing to give.
Now, if I'm chatting with someone for a while, and then he asks me if he may buy me a drink then I'll generally accept. At that point, if he was just fishing for favors, then he would have gotten bored and wandered off, so the fellow that stays is likely interested in simply getting to know me better, and just wants to share a drink with me in the process.
So far,these analyses have proven to be accurate.
And, since I never have more than two drinks at a bar, I'm not going to run up a massive bar tab, either.

[ October 20, 2004, 08:34: Message edited by: Stefanina ]

 

Tough luck. Have to open own wallet sometimes.

@Stefanina: How about the difference between a "may I buy you..." kind of talk (note: "may" is still better than "can" ) and a "would you like a drink" kind of I talk?

They could at least say "offer". "Buy" is creepy. First, it's connected with money. Like money makes it. It has the obvious implication of "I'm buying you something for my money, you'd better show some gratitude", which is downright rude. Second, it's too much info. The relevant part is offering the drink to someone.

[ October 20, 2004, 08:59: Message edited by: chevalier ]