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Painful Mem'ries

Discussion in 'Creativity Surge' started by Urithrand, Jun 6, 2009.

  1. Urithrand

    Urithrand Mind turning the light off? ★ SPS Account Holder Veteran

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    [​IMG] I recently started feeling the urge to write poetry, and I've written a number of short poems which I'm quite chuffed with. Knowing the level of writing ability on the BoM is very high, I thought I'd post here to get some constructive feedback on how to improve my writings. This one's called "Painful Mem'ries". Hope you enjoy!

    Leaning on the frame of my own front door,
    A slight of a breeze, the glare of the shine,
    A passionate time and I'm left wanting more,
    But the smile of your face is different from mine.

    You bid me goodbye with a fiery kiss,
    Your wandering hands, their habits not done,
    As soon as you're gone, your warmth will be missed,
    But when I'm not there, you'll just carry on.

    Though one of my hungers is thoroughly sated,
    There remains one other just under my skin,
    Maybe our passion to me's underrated,
    But a strange hidden pain is concealed in your grin.

    The look in your eyes will tug at my heart,
    The words you whisper resound in my head,
    It's not just a pain born of being apart,
    But concern about pain within your heart instead.

    I don't want to change you, you're fine as you are,
    But "exclusive **** buddies" don't do it for me,
    Our lives now entwined, but we love from afar,
    And lovers we are, exclusively.

    But something inside you is walling you in,
    Keeps part of your heart locked away with no key,
    There's pain there you're feeling from somewhere you've been,
    But please, please don't blame painful mem'ries on me.
     
    Urithrand, Jun 6, 2009
    #1

  2. andrewmoquin Banned

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    That was really a nice poem! I love the message though
    it's full of painful and hurt feelings. You really expressed
    what you really feel. Thanks for that.

    [​IMG]
    --------------------
    “There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats.”
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 21, 2009
    andrewmoquin, Aug 21, 2009
    #2
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