POLL: PDA - What are the limits?

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What do you think the limits of PDA are? (PDA = Public Displays of Affections). While most notably seen in people in their late teens and early twenties, no one is totally immune to their effects. It can be as little as calling your sweatheart some pet name, or as much as grabbing your partner's backside. Note for the poll: We're assuming all of this is consensual, as otherwise you'd have a sexual harrassment charge coming on you. I didn't include sex as an option, because openly having sex in public is illegal pretty much everywhere.

Poll Information
This poll contains 1 question(s). 34 user(s) have voted.
You may not view the results of this poll without voting.

Poll Results: PDA - What are the limits? (34 votes.)

PDA - What are the limits? (Choose 7)
* Talking "cute" or using pet names for your S.O. - 53% (18)
* Holding Hands - 59% (20)
* Hugging - 59% (20)
* Kissing (briefly) - 68% (23)
* Kissing (open mouth) - 32% (11)
* Touching (like grabbing the backside or breasts) - 26% (9)
* Other (comment below) - 9% (3)
* None of the Above are Acceptable - 9% (3)

 

Its really pathetic to see people french kiss and try to make as much noise as possible to attract attention Thankfully its mostly pubers that do this and not adults.

I think some people just like to show off for the public, rather than show attention to their partner.

 

What brought this on? I guess it really depends on the situation. I expect to see a lot more PDA at airports and in hospitals. From my Navy background, fairly extreme PDA was acceptable after a six month deployment.

 

Much depends on the situation and the level of familiarity between people. I'm bothered by kissing on the lips by strangers (there are environments where it's normal to kiss friends or relatives on the lips), open-mouth kissing by people who aren't in an exclusive romantic relationship with each other or when people who obviously aren't in any exclusive relationship with each other start getting huggy and kissy with obviously no intent of having an exclusive romantic relationship. I'm always bothered by groping of any kind or names like Cudlebunny or Sweetboobies or some such or too loud making out. I don't like provocations and attention cries. Or "taken" people hitting on or being hit on. I don't want people's sex lives to be discussed, either.

The rest depends on the formality of the situation and the relationship between the people involved. The golden rule is to avoid anything that distracts people from their duties or makes communication more difficult or prolongs the task unduly or destabilises a work environment or does something equally undesirable.

[ December 15, 2005, 02:48: Message edited by: chevalier ]

 

I think most PDA is inappropriate, and my first reaction is almost always "for God's sake, get a room." Holding hands, hugs, a smooch here or there - no big whoop. But when people start mugging down or doing the cutsie-wootsie "oh, you're my snuggle munchkin" crap in public, they need to be slapped.

It also should be noted that the attractiveness of the couple in question also plays a small part in how tolerable their PDA can be. If an attractive couple is all over each other, I think people are less likely to notice, or care. But if two pizza-faced over-weight goths are deep-tonguing each other in the parking lot, it's time to petition your local and state representatives to issue breeding licenses. Damn.

 

As long as the two people are in a relationship, anything up to groping is fine. Grabbing of breasts and asses is slightly too intimite to be happening in public, I believe. Hugging, holding hands, and kissing is all fine. Pet names are fine, as long as it doesn't get overly "cutsie-wootsie" (as DR put it). Then it just sickens me. Not because it is disgusting to hear, but just because it is so stupid... use their real name...

 

I picked hugging, holding hands, short kisses and name calling as okay. The name calling should be limited to short things like honey, sweetie or baby; my sweet snuggle punkin is right out. Open mouth kissing is borderline because most people can't keep things quiet. When you swap a little spit, that's fine, but tongue wrestling with smacking sounds is .

 

I don't really mind, except for loud french kisses and groping. Get a damn hotel room, for ****'s sake!

 

In a public space, but without other people around (i.e. in the countryside) -any of the above are fine.
I don't have a problem with a quick pinch of a bum, but other groping or long fondling is uncalled for.
As other's, I don't enjoy seeing face-huggers and don't do it myself.

 

Hugging, holding hands, kissing are perfectly acceptable for me. Other forms PDAs should be as Carcaroth said.

 

I talk about this occasionally with my students -- I always ask them why they are really doing what they are doing -- are they doing it because they enjoy actually doing it, or are they doing it to be seen?

In any event, I have to say hand holding and perhaps a brief kiss is about as far as things should go, with maybe an arm around during a movie. Anything more is private behaviour that should be kept as such.

 

@LKD: What about the arm around during a movie being institutionalised? I mean, kids just go to the movie and the arm goes around the girl because that's how things are supposed to be done? Sort of like smoking cigarettes to appear more adult and serious? Not like I mind the arm per se... I sometimes put my arm around a romantic interest or a very good friend or family member while walking somewhere (either that or arm-in-arm), but I don't like the stiff sitting-in-the-uncomfortable-cinema-chairs-with-obligatory-arm-around cliche.

But I freely admit I'm prejudiced towards the idea of holding hands, much less putting arms around with a stranger the way it's done nowadays. Not like people seem to be inhibited from making out with strangers, either, anyway.

 

What happens if the chairs are comfortable?

 

It mostly depends on the situation, I'd say. Hugging and kissing (briefly, no mouth open) at the train station is fairly acceptable. I've got no problems with couple holding hands in public either. But that's about what I find acceptable...
I find it, almost, revolting to see couples french-kissing, grabbing each other in inappropriate places and-/or calling each other nicknames. Some things are better left for the private sphere, and all the above examples are things, which only belong within that sphere!

I've had girlfriends asking me why I wouldn't kiss them if we met by the bus or some such, and my answer has always been that it is inappropriate. We are, after all, civilized being, and ought to act as such. And in my world one does not act civilized (or appropriate if you will) if one does such vulgarities in a public sphere. I've seen worse cases than those above mentioned before, but that doesn't make it less inacceptable.

 

Then it may be natural to start feeling all comfy and putting arms round people or cuddling up to someone. If it's someone one knows well, for decency's sake, of course. But in most cases, adding an arm would reduce comfort unless cinema chairs are different where you live.

But it's not the arm I have a problem with. I have a problem with cliches that pressure or even force people to do something they don't really want to do. That sort of thing bothers me and it bothers me when I see people doing things they are bothered by doing, let alone when I see people pressure others in unfair ways. I don't like losers who make people look bad if they refuse some favours (e.g. begging for a date in public), use guilt trips (Hey, you agreed to go out on a date, so you have to make out now. What do you think it was about? Holding hands? Yadda yadda...), try to force obligations on people (Hey? Why do you think I paid N bucks for dinner and dancing?), blackmail people into even small favours (Come on, you aren't telling me you're afraid, are you?) etc etc etc. It always bothers me and I'm often tempted to step in.

Erm, does negative affection also count? Come to think of it, people could get a room if they want to express some negative feelings, as well. It bothers me when people radiate aggression, hate or envy. Especially when they show it off.

And what about indecent exposure or sexually charged behaviour? It takes one person unlike PDA but I suppose problems with it are much the same as with PDA. Although I don't really care much what people cover or not per se), I have a big problem with flashing or come hither kind of behaviour that often comes together with certain kinds of clothes, or too much trolling for attention in a strut your stuff kind of way.

[ December 27, 2005, 03:16: Message edited by: chevalier ]

 

A very good point!

 

I've never felt "obligated" to put my arm around a date, and I've had girls tell me "I'm not really into the arm around thing", so obviously they didn't do it unless they wanted to, so no coercion involved there. But I hear you, Chev -- even socially acceptable PDA should only be done if both people involved wish to -- expressions of love or affection should never be forced.

As for negative emotions, there are people out there, of BOTH genders, who like nothing better than to put on a show. Someone needs to tell them to shut the <bleep> up and conduct their episode of "General Hospital" somewhere else.

 

I can understand that... I don't like the arm around thing for its own sake. As I said before, you could see me walking with an arm around a girlfriend, relative or good friend, but I don't like the whole institution that often surrounds the arm. If it really expresses some affection, if it's comfortable, yeah. But if it's putting the arm around for the sake of putting an arm around, it gives me a bad vibe. I suppose I just don't like demonstrations and empty symbols and I have bad associations if I see any kind or degree of pressure.

 

Well, the people who 'demonstrate,' or like to show off their S.O. are the ones you stay away from. Or at least I do. I don't need that superficiality. Superficialness. Whatever you call it: you know what I mean.

 

LMAO @ results...
Oh my god I can't believe people find even just holding hands unacceptable, let alone just talking.

I really am not offended by PDA, unless someone actually whips it out or they are grabbing and kissing EVERYWHERE and making weird noises.

My not easily offended two cents anyway....