POLL: Spouse Selection

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DotW gave me this idea when he mention that he feels many people marry someone just based on their physical attractiveness, with little or no regard to their other attributes, most notably their personality.

I, on the other hand, argued that while that may be true for a great many people in their younger years when they are dating, by the time they get to the point where they are willing to marry someone that personality is also a crucial element - that no one would ever marry someone without any regard for their personality. The only thing you can argue about is the relative importance of the two.

And thus, this poll was born. I also suspect there may be some gender-based differences in the answers, which is why there is a question for men and another for women.

Poll Information
This poll contains 2 question(s). 46 user(s) have voted.
You may not view the results of this poll without voting.

Poll Results: Spouse Selection (46 votes.)

First for the men - Assuming that these are the only two factors involved... (Choose 1)
* I would marry the most physically attractive woman whose personality is still compatible with my own - 4% (2)
* I would marry the woman whose personailty I was most compatible with, who I still find physically attractive - 83% (38)
* I'm a woman - 13% (6)

And for the women - Assuming that these are the only two factors involved... (Choose 1)
* I would marry the most physically attractive man whose personality is still compatible with my own - 0% (0)
* I would marry the man whose personailty I was most compatible with, who I still find physically attractive - 13% (6)
* I'm a man - 87% (40)

 

First one to vote!

At my age it is unlikely but not impossible that I would marry but it was an easy answer for me.

Personality, compatibility plus physical attraction.

 

That was rather difficult, but I realized my dream girl was more about her forceful and confrontational personality then blond locks, blue eyes and germanic cheek bones.

The romantic always wins in the end, a desire for extreme emotion.

 

I guess I'm biased -- I married my best friend. We were friends long before any romance started. Granted, I think she's beautiful, but her intellect and personality were deciding factors.

I still have NO idea why she chose me though....

 

I inspired you to make a poll, Aldeth? Well, that poll is a good idea, I say.

As I mentioned in the Premartial Sex thread, personality matters the most for me. I couldn't possibly stand a woman with no personality, even if she was astoundingly beautiful. Physical attraction comes after personality. I am also a bit more forgiving about physical flaws, having some myself.

 

get a clue, guys - I married Velcro for his money, pure and simple.

 

Personality, no doubt of that. I wouldnpt marry Enrique if he turned out to be a jerk

 

I agree with Aldeth's comments in his first post. Pure physical attraction only applied as the strongest force when I was a teenager. After that, compatibility became much more important as I began to realise what a relationship was really about. And the fact that most women are beautiful in their own way (it's true!).

 

I think some people are taking this to an extreme I hadn't intended. I was simply asking what was more important to you.

The comparison isn't between a handsome/beautiful jerk, and a compassionate, caring, slightly less attractive man/woman.

It's a comparison between handsome/beautiful person with a decent personality, or someone slightly less handsome/beautiful with a slightly better personality.

Obviously, hardly anyone is going to marry someone they deem to be a jerk, no matter how good looking they may be. Also, I think it is also fair to say that hardly anyone is going to marry someone who they find physically repulsive, no matter how nice their personality is.

 

Personality. I went for looks once and it was a BIG mistake. I actually prefer the less attractive man, because at least you know he's not going to run off with anyone else.
And I'm no oil painting myself

 

Well, looks is the first thing. Anyone who tries to say otherwise is kidding themsevles.

You won't see a girl and go "damn, she's ugly, but I'll go up and see if she's got a nice personality and then maybe we'll get something". Doesn't happen.

You'll see a girl you find really attractive, and think "damn, she's nice, I'll go and talk to her".

Attraction is the first thing, women you find ugly won't get a look in. Personality is probably the next thing you look for. You're not going to spend time with somebody you can't stand.

 

Having been married twice I sincerely doubt I will do it a third time and personality etc outweighs physicality

 

Personality first. I may normally notice looks first, but they don't make it for me and it doesn't prevent me from noticing personality after some time (because noticing personality takes time, anyway). However, if I were in such a situation that I had to pick a woman to marry, I would probably stay single for a long time ahead. This isn't to say I can't be pleasantly interested by even a complete stranger, but I have to know the person somewhat before jumping into anything. Or perhaps that's what I think. I've made mistakes.

Still, a compatible personality and pleasant looks alone won't make it because it must take a like mindset. Something a bit more intellectual and maybe spiritual than what is commonly understood as personality. This includes views on such important things as morality, children or the nature of marriage. For example, in Catholicism, marriage is a permanent (indissoluble even) and exclusive community of all life, bringing about children, and children have to receive a good Catholic upbringing.

 

I find that I am more likely to feel attracted to a girl with average looks and great personality, than I am to a stunningly attractive girl. Stunning beauty is something to look at, I want someone to hold. On the other hand no amount of personality could overcome someone hideous. I find that I see girls as more attractive than many of the guys I know, I think I tend to look for what I like about a girl than to focus on what may be not to like.

 

I'm not getting married.
In terms of choosing a partner, I think the personality has a major influence on how someone appears to you anyway.

 

Eh, its just an old issue of lust versus love. If you want someone to love, obviously their personality will be more important. Which is the case for spouse selection.

 

You have to have ideas of what you want, and it has to be more than just physical attraction. I've gone from about 165 lbs to almost 300 in a 15 year stretch. I would think that some women wouldn't have stayed with me throught that (or might have kept me from getting that heavy...)

 

She MUST be attractive but once she's reached that 'level' (I'm not looking for a 10, I'd settle for a 7) then personality is the next 'step'. Obviously I'd go with someone whose personality complements my own.

I'm not saying looks are the most important thing but they are a 'requirement'. Once that requirement has been met then personality is the more important factor.

 

Exactly. What the person looks like is the first thing you notice about them, and if they aren't physically attractive to you, then you are unlikely to even begin a relationship with them. I generally hold to the belief that personality is the most important thing, but that's a far cry from saying that what the person looks like has no bearing on my decision.

 

Agreed. For some people looks aren't required, maybe not even involved, in physical attraction, but I guess it's really hard to have a physical relationship without physical attraction.

In my book, no kind of looks can fix attitude problems or mental sloth, but there are certain kinds of looks that won't be helped by personality. I don't mean anything overly absolute (unless it actually is ) but there are some types I'm not attracted to and some kinds of looks that I'm not sure I could live with. This is mostly truth about things people can control, such as personal hygiene.