Polygamy -- Discussion

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Polygamy, if you didn't know before, is a situation where a man can have several wives. I'm not sure if it is illegal , but it sure sounds interesting to discuss on. How do you think the wives will feel, sharing their husband with other women? I once watched an episdoe of Oprah on polygamy. This man had three wives, and two of them were biological sisters....

What are your views on polygamy?

NOTE: Please do not post any scathing comments on it. This post is to discuss the topic, not to belittle it or anything like that.

 

Well, having wives that are sisters would be a no no. Then you can't have hot four way action without it being incestous.

 

Technically, I think polygamy is having multiple spouses. So it would also apply to a woman having multiple husbands. I will concede that I have never actually heard of it happening that way in practice.

As for the legality of it - it's definitely illegal. Just ask a Mormon.

 

There's a tv series currently running (in Australia) with a man that has 3 wives. I forgot the name of it though I've seen a few ads for it, it's basically about the conflict as the women try to deal with each other. Has anyone seen it?

 

@Silvershield - If it's the show produced by HBO, it's "Big Love" and it delves heavily into the FLDS Church (the show is fictional, but the FLDS Church is not).

 

Aldeth, I can say this to you because you know I love you like a brother -- bite me!

But I'll confirm your statement -- I am a Mormon, and I can definitely tell you that in the US and Canada, polygamy is illegal. I am pretty sure that it is also illegal in Australia and most Western European countries, though there may be some surprising exceptions.

Historically, the practice has not served its practicing societies very well because the wives tend to compete with each other and it makes for some really complicated geneology.

I saw a documentary once, and IIRC they said that there's only a few small cultures that condone polyandry. In terms of biology, polyandry makes little sense, and in a world without DNA testing it would make geneology a frigging nightmare. The one culture in Africa that still practices it has all the brothers from a family marry the one girl. When a brother sees his brother's shepherd's staff hanging from the support wire of the wife's tent, he knows that they are . . . occupied.

*for the humor impaired, note that I'm kidding with Aldeth and I have the highest respect for him.

 

I've had this discussion with a few guys I know, and we all come to the same conclusion, while yes, having multiple females that you could be with would be cool, most men find the nagging from 1 wife to be unbearable, imagine the nagging from MULTIPLE wives...

 

Not to mention the great pleasure of having multiple in laws

 

Polygamy - multiple spouses
polygyny- multiple wives
polyandry- multiple husbands

Those are the definitions IIRC.

IMO, I have yet to see a way to have it viably legal. It is by nature unequal, and therefore not functional in today's society.

If there was a way that both parties could have multiple spouse (a la group marriage) I would have no problem with it as long as ALL parties are aware of what's going on and consent to it.

But still, what with marriage carrying legal benefits, I see logistical nightmares around every corner.

 

My great, great grandfather married two of his mothers-in-law. He claimed to have never consumated those relationships -- but that's still just plain wrong. He also married two dead women and had consumate relationships with five wives.

 

I hope the dead ones weren't included in those five

 

Many would not take kindly to that idea. Put the shoe on the other foot and it's not hard to understand. If I was to get married, I wouldn't want to have to wait my turn to "spend time" with my wife.

So send one of the sisters out for pizza while "spending time" with the other sister and the third wife. I do not believe I just said that...

You are right, but the woman with multiple husbands is very rare...

Definately illegal. Just as well, though. I'm having enough trouble finding a first wife. Then to be expected to take a second wife would be even harder. Further, if enough men had multiple wives, then how many guys would be left without a wife?

Not just that, but it diminished the role of the wife within society. One of the biggest hurdles would be to have the practice exist would be having to make sure that one side does not get devalued by the other.

Bingo! For those of you gentlemen that are married, you probably get a to-do list from your wife. Could you imagine more than one wife thinking of things for you to do? Where would you find energy to have sex after that?

It depends on the in-laws. There's some gene pools you just don't go skinny dipping in--no matter how good she looks...

Exactly. Lets assume a Man has two wives. The two wives would split certain chores, like cooking and cleaning (which the man would not have time for), while the man would have additional responsibilities from the two wives thinking of things for him to do. It may be less taxing on the women, but more taxing on the men. I don't even know where to begin with the emotional issues...

The way it was explained to me, the current wives would select extra wives and Priiesthood authority had to approve before they could be married. If the wife in question had enough concern for her mother, she could ask her husband to marry her and provide for her temporally. I once heard that the majority of Brigham Young's wives were older widows that he was supporting financially. Also, the dead women may have been married to him for spiritual purposes, so that they would have a husband to have for the next world.

I didn't want to go there...

 

What a nightmare. You'd never get any time to yourself, unless each of your wives lived in a different city.

 

I have a few things to add since I encounter "the wives" on a semi-regular basis aroud town.

• Polygamist husbands are simply really horny dirty old men. They have wives that range in age from near the husband's age to 14 years old or so. Having a man of any age screwing a 14 year old girl is just WRONG!
• If you've seen any of the news reports about the Texas compound raid, then you know what one of "the wives" looks like...they all look the same. Horrible dresses, braided ponytails past their butts, and the hump of hair up front that Conan O'Brien claims they are ripping off his hairdo Also, besides the awful hair/clothing styles, I have *yet* to see a good looking Polygamist...hell, I've never even seen a remotely attractive Polygamist.
• Polygamist are fairly sneaky. Since they have dozens and dozens of kids, they know all the sneaky ways for getting tax money and how to get out of paying taxes. As you drive though heavily concentrated Polyg-towns in Southern Utah, you'll notice that many homes have an unfinished addition attached to the house...the reason? Tax breaks on property tax...
• Polygamist are a**h***s. They won't hesitate to throw boys out of their community...those poor guys are known as Lost Boys. If you read that article you'll see Dan Fischer's name mentioned. I used to work for his company. He goes out and finds these kids and gives them a home and a job...and people like me were put to the task of teaching them basic stuff.
• Don't feel sympathetic for a Polygamist. When the YFZ ranch was raided and the State of Texas took the kids away...that was the right thing to do. The only reason the Polygamists fought so hard to get them back was so their kids don't become un-brainwashed. When I used to work with some of the Lost Boys, the stories they told me of their upbringing were really F***ed up. Child abuse/incest/child rape is very prevalent in their communities.

That's all I have to add right now. I can't stand Polygamist, and I think Warren Jeffs should have his testicles removed and he should be thrown in a concrete cell for the rest of his life where he can look forward to constant sodomy from other the convicts.

 

Are there any guys who would want a polygamous relationship?

I mean, I dont see its appeal. Maybe I have a few years to go before I can call myself a horny old man, but.... I just want one special relationship with one special person. I dont think theres space in my life for 2. I also think I'd feel guilty a lot, because I know I would like one wife more than the other, and thus would feel bad for the one that wasnt the favourite. It sounds like a lose-lose situaiton to me.

 

Kitrax, Warren Jeffs and his community are just out there on everything. Most comunities that have tried to work polygamy haven't had anything like that (though some Arabs do).

The real problem with polygamy as I see it is that, as often as individuals want to stray outside of a monogamous relationship, they NEVER want their partner to. I'm reading a book on evolutionary psychology that has effectively linked about 85% of all murders to sex one way or another (through the largest case study on the issue ever done, over 40,000 participants from hunderds of societies). The author spends several chapters talking about all the problems multiple mates can cause. The big issue (from a perspective of evolutionary psychology) is that men are no longer sure which child is theirs (and men frequently don't raise other's children well) while women know that their children are only getting a fraction of the resources and attention they could. Considering the rates of murder and abuse in cases like 'mate stealing', cheating, step-parents, and more, I'd expect a polygamous society to be inherrantly a very unhappy one.

 

Every society faces differing challenges as time goes on. For myriad reasons, some societies have differing beliefs and priorities. If a particular culture believes that a woman is worth nothing unless she has children (and such cultures have existed and I would hazard to guess that some still do) then it is in her best interest to have kids in order to have any status in the society.

With me?

Well, as many of us know, children consume resources, both temporal ones and ones less tangible. So the solution many cultures in the past had was for every woman to be married, come hell or high water. Given that women are "the 51% minority", that means there's a mathematical imbalance, one that likely gets worse when you factor in the high mortality rates among men, who went to war or did hunting, which exposed them to more risks. So, plural marriage is the only solution to the problem if the culture is unwilling to change its position on women's worth vis a vis children.

Sadly, things tend to go downhill from there. Women only want to marry men who will provide them with sufficient resources so their children can have good lives, so many men without resources are spurned and the women flock to the wealthy men. Then some of these wealthy men start to feel a sense of entitlement and view their wives as property, or "toys", and start playing the game "whoever dies with the most 'toys' wins!" Once the women start to be objectified, bought, and classified ("you are a secondary wife, you are not even a full wife, we'll create a new class for you, the concubine!") then the difficulties just mount like crazy. Not emotionally healthy for anyone. IMHO such a system is likely not to last forever, though it can last for a long time.

 

You didn't see that episode of Oprah! All three of the wives were hot!

 

Haha Gnarf, I googled it just to see if it anything would support you, and I was impressed. They were all good looking older ladies, I won't call them hot because at my age something younger is a little more appreciated, but I'm sure back in the day... heh heh heh.