Prayer to Mathetais #1 (see Sorcerer's Place: the movie for details)

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Oh, my new god!!! I got this problem see... I have this anoying neighbor with a loud barking dog, that Ive been praying to my LAST god for at least three weeks to take care of. All he did was make a stern phone call. could help me by fixing this problem... I think with a nine iron for dramatic flare... but I have a replica of Connor MacLeod's Katana sword honed to a razor edge you could borrow if you want to show some mercy with a quick judgement

your servant

ShadowDaemon

*(and none of that 'thy will be done, crap. My way or the highway buster, I can find a new god!)

 

My Dearest Son ShadowDaemon.

First of all, I encourage you to re-register you name. There are not too many Daemon's in the flock of Mathetais, but I suppose we can make an exception in your case (especially since you ARE the flock of Mathetais).

As to your neighbor ... I have devised the judgement you are looking for. A curse has been placed upon him. He will slowly begin to loose his vitality. His skin will grow gray and become covered with liver spots. His hair will slowly turn white and thin. His appetites will dry up, leaving him without longing for food, sex or sleep. Soon these curses will come together and he will descend into the grave. It might take 50-60 years, but your patience will be rewarded!

As to the dog ... I have placed a similar, but more stringent curse upon the foul beast. For every year's worth of cursing that your neighbor receives, that venomous barker will receive SEVEN years worth of pain. You can expect hip dysplasia, color blindness, and sever butt licking to appear within 1-3 years.

My Son, go in peace, knowing your prayers have been answered!

 

Now, friends, that's just not nice. I'll bet your neighbour is just as frustrated with his dog as you are- remember, it's MUCH louder where he is! But it is VERY difficult to train a dog to bark less, especially for protective breeds. Why don't you try giving him some suggestions that might help him with the problem?
www.husher.com sells comfortable soft rubber muzzles that a dog can wear all day, even unattended. You could even get your neighbour one as a gift if you know the size of his dog.

There are also a number of web sites that sell citronella anti-barking collars. When the dog makes a loud noise, a cloud of lemon scent appears under his nose, which he will not like at all. So, he quickly learns to bark less. It doesn't hurt him and is a great training aid. Unfortunately, it is fairly expensive. There are collars that give the dogs electric shocks instead but they don't have as high a success rate since dogs tolerate pain much better than unpleasant odours. Anyway, they're not very nice.

Good luck!


[This message has been edited by Sprite (edited January 31, 2002).]

 

I *believe* that this post was meant for humor, sir.

 

Hmm, barking dogs.. wasn't that one of the 10 plagues in Egypt?

 

Smite that dog!