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Pre-/Pubescent Jack Handey?

Discussion in 'Whatnots' started by Aldazar, Jan 13, 2005.

  1. Aldazar Gems: 24/31
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    Remove all ads!
    Found some "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey-like musings from kids and teens I thought might go down well here. Anyone else like to contribute some?

    I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life? -- Age 15

    Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money. -- Age 13

    Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about letting just any old yokel vote. -- Age 10

    For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's what happens to cheese when you leave it out. -- Age 6

    Think of the biggest number you can. Now add five. Then, imagine if you had that many Twinkies. Wow, that's five more than the biggest number you could come up with! -- Age 6

    As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of days saved up. -- Age 7

    Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number. -- Age 15

    It would be terrible if the Red Cross Bloodmobile got into an accident. No, wait. That would be good because if anyone needed it, the blood would be right there. -- Age 5

    If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started. -- Age 15
     
    Aldazar, Jan 13, 2005
    #1
  2. Harbourboy

    Harbourboy Take thy form from off my door! Veteran Pillars of Eternity SP Immortalizer (for helping immortalize Sorcerer's Place in the game!)

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    Who is Jack Handey?
     
    Harbourboy, Jan 13, 2005
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  3. Aldazar Gems: 24/31
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    IIRC, he's an SNL thing.

    Comes out with "deep thoughts" such as 'If your kid ever asks you why it's raining, I think a funny thing to tell them is that God's crying and when they ask why God's crying, you tell them it's probably because of something they did' or 'If life gives you lemons, maybe use them to kill someone by shoving the lemons down their throat'
     
    Aldazar, Jan 17, 2005
    #3
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