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This is my first ever blog in English. It's tricky, since many things don't translate well from Dutch. If you have suggestions, let me know.

I can’t go along with it. I don’t follow the mood. The enthusiasm with which some young mothers put the cute faces of their children on pictures, is not shared by me. But it is shared with me.

Consequently, and much to my dismay, I repeatedly had to face up to how an oh so droll toddler just couldn’t succeed last week at wolfing down a bucket of sludge without scooping his face full with spinach. Or was it her face? His, her… it’s hard to see the difference, even more so when all sorts of nourishment seem to be used for external use only.

That’s mainly due to the parents. They blow up the incompetence of still motorically impaired, flabby little arms. During the cold months, especially mothers seems to obtain a warm, fuzzy feeling when day can shove their flesh become hormones to the table. What they did earlier to their make-up dolls, they can now finally do to living matter. Turns out babies don’t come from cabbages, but are put straight into them!

But it doesn’t stop there with spinach and cabbage alone. On the third day we stumble upon a picture of a carrotty pulp with eyelashes. Because carrots are not green, but orange. An entirely different situation, obviously, that needs to be shared with the outside world immediately.
The week of neuroses and creative breakdowns is blithely continued: a blob of rhubarb with nostrils, followed by toothless little jaws in banana yoghurt and the ever-present chocolate snout with tonsils and neck fat.

By that time, I kinda had it with the madly daring adventures of this audacious parent. Annoyed, while gnashing my teeth, I mash my kidney beans and baby bell peppers into a goo that no longer reminds me of anything containing estrogen or baby cramps.

I should count myself lucky I didn’t get to see all the substances that actually made it past the uvula, but between gullet and sphincter had not been recognized as contributing matter. Happy, that I didn’t get a notification on the social media that ProudButBoredMommy84 added a new photo of a screeching, purple poopmachine that crapped the space between its shoulder-blades. She’d even add something awkwardly informative like: “Oops! Teehee! Looks like AttentionAccessory012 can’t digest potato salad yet. Lolzz!!!1 #Tomorrowwhitebeans.”

It’s part of being a mom, I suppose, all those funny pictures. But if I really want to see a sparse variety of fodder with body parts every damn day, I’ll just buy a friggin’ Mr. Potatohead!

 

If I am what I eat, I'd probably purrrrr.

You get notifications (depending on your settings) when friends upload photo's, saying something along the lines of "Blackthorne added a new photo"

 

Lol, just so you know I always wiped my kids faces when they were babies so I doubt there would be any food-face pics floating around of them. (Except for the one of my oldest where he was wearing a wig and had frenchfries for tusks.) I'll be sure to post that on my page so you can see a copy .

I have to agree with you though. Any wall that has too much of something starts to get a little mind numbing after a while. Constant baby/cat/feeling-sorry-for-themselves memes will drive a person nuts.

Nice work Mon, looking forward to more.

 

Meh - I can't be bothered to read this.

 

Oh man. That was hilarious!

 

Thanks folks!

I should say, though, that I don't hate kids, nor do I mind seeing such a picture every now and then. Some people just post pictures of their kid alone. And in this case, 5 nearly the same in one week. That's dreadful.

Feel free to PM me if you find something that's not correct English or any other critique or tips. I'm here to learn, after all, and feedback is needed!

 

MoN, that was fantastic! Along with MUG, I always forget to look at blogs, but saw the posts in RB and decided to check it out.

And yeah, I agree with you completely. Of course, part of that might be due to me not having kids, but still...