Quallo's Quest BGII

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I find Quallo the sadest figure in BGII and have felt there shoud be more to his story. This is my attempt to resolve this. My problem is not where to start or even the ending. It is all the stuff goes in between. This is the start. Critique is welcome.

Quallo’s Quest

Returning from a highly profitable enterprise, Nakia slips silently through the dark streets of Athkatla. Entering the Copper Coronet, she glances around. It is early morning and few patrons are present. The ever present Bernard is behind the bar polishing glasses. The bar being newly renovated because of some recent troubles and is very shiny and clean. The resident guardsman is not present.

Nakia waves at Bernard and goes upstairs to her room. She places the rewards of her labor in its hiding place, trapped in case of malicious visitors. It is still early for her to sleep so she decides to do a little exploring. She heads back downstairs but to the exit to the sewers. Recent events have pretty much cleaned out the sewers.

Easily avoiding the few traps which remain she goes to an area where a strange man called Quallo resides. She sees him sitting dejectedly at a table and moves openly to him.

“Quallo, my friend, how be thee? He shakes his head and looks sadly at her. “Ah, friend. To be my friend is unlucky.”

Nakia pulls up a box, sits down and places two bottles of honey mead and some honey cakes on the table. “Aye, ye have told me of the friend you lost. However, I would know more of you. Tell me why you are in the sewers of Athkatla.

Quallo drinks the honey mead. Picks up a honey cake and greedily devours it. Nakia watches him then pulls out another bottle of honey mead and places it in front of Quallo. She thinks that a drunk crazy might make more sense than a sober one. Quallo drinks from the bottle. Then leans back and says:

“Love lost, forever gone. Friend lost, forever gone. Damned am I to live in loneliness. My wrongs have brought me to this pass. Now I belong to the sewers, to the rubbish heap. I bring bad luck. You had best be gone before you too are cursed. All is lost. All is gone. Death would be a blessing.” He drinks the rest of the mead.

Nakia pulls another bottle out and places it in front of Quallo, wondering how much he can drink before becoming very incoherent. “Aye I know of the friend but who was the love?”

Quallo is silent. Now he sips from the bottle while nibbling on a cake. One hand makes marks on the table. Then he raises his head and looks at Nakia.

“I loved her. She was so good, so beautiful. I failed her. She was stolen. Taken from all who loved her. It was my fault. I was not there when she needed me. I traced her to Athkatla but the trail grew cold. Hopelessness o’ercame me.. To the sewers I descended. Once I had power. But power was my enemy, my downfall, my failure.”

Quallo falls silent, staring into some vision seen only by his eyes. Then his head falls. Tears fall from his eyes. He folds his arms on the table, lays his head on his arms and sobs desperately.

Nakia waits silently and patiently for Quallo’s tears to subside. Eventually he raises his head and looks at her. “Do you not understand my despair? Can you not feel my pain and let it rest? I suffer til I die. The best favor you could do me is to kill me.”

“Nay, you are me friend. I would help you but you must tell me more. Tell me what you know.” Again, Nakia places a bottle on the table, hoping it is not too much.

Now Quallo drinks slowly from the bottle and munches on a cake. A thoughtful, sad look on his face. “My love, Aginila, the most beautiful of women was stolen from our village. I was away studying, thinking that my studies were more important than anything else was. I later learned than that slavers had brought her to Athkatla. I sought her but could get no information. I had but a name, Shin Becarne. I sought but could not find him. I searched the whole of the city. I strayed into the sewers and found my proper place. I had failed my love.”


Nakia looks sadly at Quallo, feeling his pain. A halfling knows the tragedy of love as well as anyone else. She likes Quallo and wonders if she could do anything for him. She now has contacts in the city perhaps she could learn more of this Shin Becarne. She says nothing, not wanting to give him false hope but decides to do some investigating.

 

Can I post a comment?

I think it's interesting to see a Baldur's Gate II story that doesn't follow the formula of the game (yes, I did say formula) storyline. Well done. If you ever feel like writing more, I'd certainly read it.

 

Of course you may post a comment. You did! Thanks. At the momment I have an outline of what will happen and it doesn't follow the BG game formula. There may not be any fighting at all.

 

That was very good! It always bothered me how Quallo is abandoned as soon as the Child of Baal gets the sword. You don't even get to offer him any gold coins.

 

Quallo has another drink of mead. Lays his head on his arms and falls asleep. Nakia sits for moment thinking then rises and returns silently to the Copper Coronet. She retires to her room and prepares for bed.

Awakening in the early afternoon she makes her ablutions and goes down to the bar room. She gets some food and replenishes her stock of honey mead. Then she heads to the streets of Athkatla.

The sun is shining brightly creating shadows from the buildings but Nakia does not bother trying to hide in shadows. She merely checks to be sure that nothing is lurking in them. She walks to the Bridge District and enters the house of a halfling relative.

“Shungar, how be ye?” “I be right well, Nakia and be ye? Sit and partake of this new dish I created.” Shungar places food and drink on a table and they sit down to enjoy what halflings love best. “Shungar, I be in good health and all goes well with me. I do have a little problem though.” She tells him of her conversation with Quallo. “He be such a sad creature and I would help him if I can. Thou hast been Athkatla for many years, hast thou heard of this Shin Becarne?”

Shungar leans back and thinks for a while. Then nodding his head says, “The name does sound familiar. Methinks he was a smuggler or slaver. I do remember hearing that he has become a successful merchant. Talk to Ribald at the Adventurers Mart. He will know of any merchants in Athkatla and much else as well.”

They finish their repast while talking of various things interesting to a halfling. One of Shungar’s granddaughters was getting married soon and he invited Nakia to the wedding feast. She of course accepted gladly. Thanking him for the meal and information Nakia rises and leaves for the Promenade District to visit the Adventurers Mart.

Entering the Adventurers Mart, she notes the guard and knows this no place to try to steal anything. Looking around she sees supplies for every type of adventurer and more. She approaches the counter and when the man behind it looks at her says, “Be thou Ribald?” The man nods his head. “I was told you knew all the merchants in Athkatla. I am searching for one named Shin Becarne. Dost thou know of him?”

Ribald looks at her carefully, recognizing an experienced rogue. “Aye, I know of him. He has been successful but respectable merchants think poorly of him. What need you from him?"

“I seek information from him. He may know someone I look for.”

“He has a house in the Promenade not far from here. Go to the top of the Promenade. Tis near the place where there was a mage battle. The third house in of those left standing.”

Nakia thanks him and buys a few potions and other supplies. Leaving the Mart she climbs up the stairs. Over to her left she can see an area of mass destruction. It is being cleared but that will obviously take a long time. At the top she finds the third building. She goes around to the back. It would be easy for her to get into the house but now is not the time. So she decides to explore the Promenade.

She watches the work going on in the destroyed area for a while then wanders past the houses and down to the center of the Promenade. There are animals in cages but nothing unusual. Then she sees a ship which claims to be a flying ship. She shakes her head in disbelief and moves on. Ah, there is the circus tent she has heard about. The stories go that a Bhaalspawn rescued it from some terrible magic. Trouble is the stories vary so much. He was a great fighter. She was a mighty mage and so on. The story changes according to who is telling it. However a circus might be fun and fun always interests a halfling. Paying a small fee she enters the tent and finds a seat. The show is quite good with acrobats, animal trainers, magicians and clowns.

Exiting the tent she finds that it is dusk. She checks some of the merchants but finds nothing of interest. Night has now fallen and she decides to check Shin Becarne’s house. So back up the stairs she climbs. Sometimes she wishes she had magic ability and could do a teleportation spell. Oh well, walking was healthy and she saw a lot. She goes to the back of the house. The moon hasn’t risen yet so it is unlikely that anyone would notice her even without her special talents. She climbs quickly and silently to a ledge she had previously noted. Carefully peering in a window she sees a very beautiful woman sitting at a table examining something.

Quietly opening the window she enters the room and moves behind the woman. She quickly places a hand over the woman’s mouth while holding a dagger in front of her.

“Sh, silent, I mean thee no harm. Tis only information I wish. I seek a woman named Aginila. One scream and thou art dead.” She removes her hand from the woman’s mouth.

“I…I am Aginila. Wha…what do you want?” The woman shivers in fear but does not move.

“I know a man named Quallo who has told me a story of a lost love named Aginila. She was stolen by a slaver named Shin Becarne. Dost thou know Quallo?”

Despite her fear Aginila smiles, a mocking smile. “Know that fool? Aye, I know him. So he claims I was his love. Such foolishness. Oh, he did pay some court to me but his true love was the power he thought magic would bring him. Our village was poor and Shin Becarne offered me luxuries, wealth, servants. I am his wife now. I have borne him two children. He has given me all he promised and more. Go tell your friend, Quallo, that he is not missed nor wanted. Go now, you have your information.”

Nakia leaps quickly to the window and out. Aginila is calling to the household guards. “Help, thief, murder, ayee!” Nakia vanishes into the darkness and speeds out of the Promenade.

She goes to the Bridge District where there is a temple to Yondalla, the halfling goddess. Finding a quiet spot to sit she sits and thinks. What should she do? If she tells Quallo what she knows will it help him or hurt him? Then she perks up. It isn’t necessary for her to tell him anything right now. She has a wedding feast to attend in a few days. Reaching into a pouch she pulls out a necklace of colored stones which she happened to get from Aginila. It will make a nice wedding present for the bride.

Note: And so my friends here ends the tale. Not the ending I would choose. Poor Quallo is doomed to wander the sewers of Athkatla yet. Whether Nakia will ever tell him I know not. Perhaps it is best that he not know what Aginila said. Only the gods can say and they haven’t spoken to me.

[ March 25, 2005, 01:06: Message edited by: Nakia Nightshadow ]

 

Lovely work! Great, Nakia!

 

Thank you, Lantus. I appreciate that. I originally intended a happy ending for Quallo but the story just wouldn't cooperate. Now that I posted it I can see things wrong. But at least I can play BG II now without feeling so quilty about Quallo. Silly that.

 

Good story. Considering how long Quallo must have been down there, this was always the ending I saw for him.
Me thinks next time I'll kill Quallo and see if I still suffer from rep loss

 

Thank you, Shrikant. I found it interesting that despite my desire for a happy ending this was the only way the story would go. Quallo is an agrogrant, self-pitying bastard and his 'love' is a self-centered, money hungry bitch.

 

Aha! Not quite the ending I was expecting either, but then maybe I should expect the unexpected in a Baldur's Gate story that has no Bhaalspawn in it. It's a nice little story, though, and it gets my thumbs-up.

 

Thank thee kindly, Western Paladin. I appreciate your comment.

Edit: So far the comments have been positive but I would like to know if you didn't like it and why.

[ March 30, 2005, 08:56: Message edited by: Nakia Nightshadow ]

 

Quite the interesting tale. Let's see some more work from Lady Nakia!

 

Thank you very much, Smyther. I am working on the story of her beginnings but at the rate I'm going it will be a loooong time before it's ready to post.

 

(*puts on Modproof suit* tere's a purpose for ressurrecting this, promise!)

*clears throat* So okay, Nakia asked for some constructive criticisma and I shall do my best toprovide some.

First thing I noticed about the sttory is the tens. I personally prefer stories written in past tense, but here, present tense works.

Howebver - is the shift in tense int he middle of this paragraph intentional, or a mistake? becuase it appears to be the latter to me.

They finish their repast while talking of various things interesting to a halfling. One of Shungar’s granddaughters was getting married soon and he invited Nakia to the wedding feast. She of course accepted gladly. Thanking him for the meal and information Nakia rises and leaves for the Promenade District to visit the Adventurers Mart.

Also, a new speaker should always start a new paragraph. “Shungar, how be ye?” “I be right well, Nakia and be ye? Sit and partake of this new dish I created.” Shungar places food and drink on a table and they sit down to enjoy what halflings love best. “Shungar, I be in good health and all goes well with me. I do have a little problem though.” She tells him of her conversation with Quallo. “He be such a sad creature and I would help him if I can. Thou hast been Athkatla for many years, hast thou heard of this Shin Becarne?”

should instead read something like

“Shungar, how be ye?”

“I be right well, Nakia and be ye? Sit and partake of this new dish I created,” Shungar places food and drink on a table and they sit down to enjoy what halflings love best.

“Shungar, I be in good health and all goes well with me. I do have a little problem though.” She tells him of her conversation with Quallo. “He be such a sad creature and I would help him if I can. Thou hast been Athkatla for many years, hast thou heard of this Shin Becarne?”

(also, idf you aredoing dialogue in the "Blahblah," so and so said way, it is always "Blahblah," with a comma and not a period. because period = full stop and this disrupts the flow)

Another note on the dialogue is that you've used a lot of arhaic stuff - thees and thous and so on, but not very consistently. If you do decide to use them further, you should either use them exclusively - and correctly; thy ARE very tricksy in some ways, and I don't know w them well enough to give sound advice ont he detais - or stick to modern pronouns.

the next on my agenda? senence structure. THere's a distinct lack of variation there, and they come off as almost simplistic at times. it also does not flow very well - like the follwoing bit:

Exiting the tent she finds that it is dusk. She checks some of the merchants but finds nothing of interest. Night has now fallen and she decides to check Shin Becarne’s house.

It comes off as more of a list than actual narrative, if that makes sense.

There is also a lot of repetiton, such as the following bit:

Quallo drinks the honey mead. Picks up a honey cake and greedily devours it. Nakia watches him then pulls out another bottle of honey mead and places it in front of Quallo. She thinks that a drunk crazy might make more sense than a sober one. Quallo drinks from the bottle.

in the previous paragraph, you already stated that it's honey mead and honey cakes - there's no need to add the descriptor again in this one. The reader already knows.

Umm... there is probably more, but I am still a wee bit addled by headache so I canöt think verywel right now.

 

In FAI I asked Ara to critique my story. I appreciate her lengthy and considered comments.

Interesting, to me, is that I showed a copy to my cousin in NY who has some training in writing and some of the comments are the same.

Sentence structure needs to be improved. Inconsistency in tenses and the language. I did want her using archaic speech but as Ara said it is tricky. Think it needs a scholar. Where's Chevy? Maybe I should stick to modern speech.

I didn't know that about dialogue. Each speaker gets his own paragraph. Makes sense.

Thank you, Ara. That was great and just what I was looking for.

Very helpful and positive.