Questions about parents for the youth at SP

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This is mainly directed at the younger people here, but any input is welcome.
I have a 2 year old son and we are expecting our second child in April. I strive to be a good parent but recognize that there is a lot that I do not know.

What do your parents do that you really like?
Any traditions, activities, etc.
Or techniques that make them effective (good listening, fair rewards/punishments, etc.)

Do your parents do anything that makes you feel special?

What do your parents do that you really dislike?

If you choose to be a parent, what would you do differently then your parents?

I appreciate any insights that you have.

Thanks.

 

Beware anger.

There is nothing wrong with punishing your child; BUT it's all in how you do it. I guess I compare my mom's form of correction to my dad's. My mother, typically, would scream or yell at us -- blow her top, haul the offender into the bedroom, and whale the living daylights out of the unlucky child. My father, on the other hand, would motion us into the bedroom. Once there, he would quietly explain what behavior necessitated punishment and why. Then he would proceed to beat our stuffing -- but without the accompanying anger. Made all the difference in the world on the (then) young, impressionable mind of this kid.

On the other hand, if I needed to talk about something, it was always Mom I chose to talk to. My mother listened. She gave advice. My dad gave a lecture, and no matter what you said, he was always right. Generally, he actually was, but just the notion that the only reason he even let you talk was so he could shoot you down was enough to make me clam up. So as they grow older, offer your advice in more nonthreatening, constructive ways. But teen years are a ways off yet....

I can't think of any particular activities offhand, although I may remember some later. I'd say always give your kids some form of chores as soon as they are old enough, along with some sort of reward system. My parents tried out a number of ways, but the truth is it really doesn't matter, so long as the basic idea is there. Work produces gain; hard work produces more gain.

 

Darn man! When I come to think of my relation with my parents, I'm getting quite sentimental. Though my parents could have done many things better, I realize I really love them...
I'll post again when I have have thought about it for a while.

 

Don't be cheap! When your kids want someting at the store, explain to them why they can't have it. Don't just say no because you don't want to pay for it.

Don't spank! My dad spanked us so much we were afraid to act normal around him. If your kids piss you off, send them to their rooms, then after you have cooled off, go in and explain what they did wrong to piss you off.

Have a sense of humor! Joke around with them. When joking around, if one of you kids says something really stupid, smack him/her upside the head (lightly, and playfully) and playfully make fun of them...say something like, "You're a fruit," or "You're such a geek." And to keep from killing their self-esteem, say, "But that's why I love you!"

Do stuff with your kids! I can't remember one time my dad took us to do someting fun. We would always ask him to take us laser-taging, or mini-golfing, but he would always say no.

That's it for now, if I can think of any more things. I'll post them.

 

1. Fair punishment for both kids... I know that it may seem bias, but my sister(younger) does not get punished for some things when I do (ex. cursing)

2. I agree with Kitrax, you need to explain why you do things, it is not "just because", or "because I said so."

3. Be a good listener... My parents are not the most attentive people on earth.

4. YES, BEWARE OF ANGER... My dad blows up some times. It wouldn't be that bad if I knew why, but I don't. Appologize readily.

Other than that, my parents are great, don't take these examples the wrong way. It may be because I am the lab rat in this family...(first born)

Good luck!

 

Make them eat everything! Or at least try to keep them open-minded about trying out new things. Nothing is worse than my cousins; whenever we go out to eat together, it's a set menu. So boring... for 10+ years.

Start teaching them to read as early as possible. It goes a long way in developing their brains.

 

The only thing I can say is give a little bit of tolerance in there before you take action.

Give the child a chance to rectify the situation before you say or do anything. If the room is messy, mention it before you request or command. If the bicycle is still out on the front lawn, just "notice" that it's out there before you instruct that it be put away.

And be consistant, whatever or however you decide to raise your child. If you are a total psycho, then be a total psycho all the time. If you are relaxed and understanding, then be that way all the time. So they know whether they can talk to you, or if they should talk to anyone else but you. Believe it or not, this "consistancy" helps keep your children around you later on. Like, when they turn 18 and 19 kind of later.

 

Spank them while their young. Pain is a better teacher than words. Just don't injure or draw blood.

 

@Frog: you're the kind of person that I hated as a kid.

I can't stand people who think spanking is the right answer because they were spanked as a kid.


I saw a special on tv tonight that said that the two brothers that mudered 4 people shouldn't be locked up because they had a messed up childhood...ummm hello! I know a couple of people who had it worse as kids, and instead of murdering people, they decided to have kids of their own and treat them the exact opisite of the way they were treated as children. I hope those two idiots like the electric chair!!!

Sorry for mention that.

 

Well, with my family being totally messed up in a way that makes most people look at me REALLY weirdly when I offhjandedly re,ark at things hat most people only see at soap operas, I might not be someone you'd like to listen to.

Talk to your kids. My mother and I never talked. and it got us into the kind of situation in which we got into blows... literally. Talking is the key. My father and I have always talked much (probably because we have mostly been in contact via phone) and we have never been in as deep trouble as I and my mother.

Also, doing things with your kids is a big bonus. I remember when our dad would visit us and we'd go to do things... even little things,. like swinging, or building a snowman, or going for a car ride were big things to a three-year old who was lucky to see her dad every now and then.

But most importantly, talk. These days, my mother and I can barely keep the phone bills at bay

(Someone with experience forom the bad side)

 

Been rash and unexpectedly exploding is a sure way to drive your kids away. I remember once when me and my sister were fighting over a plastic toy trumpet and instead of sorting it out my dad just snaped it

 

Talk with your children, so they can trust you

 

I am horrified at all this talk about spanking! Isnt that illegal? Do you go out and spank your workmates if they dont do as they are told? What kind of brutes to parents have you had? I dont mean to sound offensive and I do not really think that you must be a uncivilized savage to hit your child, especially in cold blood but I just cant understand it. There are plenty of other ways to show your child rigth and wrong, spanking the living daylights out of it is not one. I am appaled, I heard it many times before but I just cant understand.
Well my rave is over and I apologise if I seemed incoherent but the casual talk about childabuse would be like if you had told me that your fathers liked to nail kittens on the front door. What is the difference between beating a child and beating anyone else? I just cant see any difference. So my one little piece of advice to you Jack is to not hit your child, talk to it, ban it to its room, take away icecream or TV but do not hit it. It only serves to jade them and make them into violent brutes themselves all too often.

 

Be yourself. Don't try to be a saint around your kids... it's true that you set an example that they will follow, but that goes for hypocrisy as well... Sooner or later they'll understand that you're not acting natural around them. And besides, if you're always perfect, it will make them feel inferior and worthless, since they're not.

When I look at my friends' parents I think the most common fault in them is that they're too strict, not the other way around. A lot of people worry that their children will go bad if they're not kept on a tight leash.. but it has been my experience that those parents act like that because they just don't trust their children enough...

 

I would just like to second idorus' word, strictness breeds a will to get out of the chains while trust breeds a will to live up to that trust. Atleast that is the case in my experience.

 

Never get mad. Just be so sad when they do something bad for you that they won't do it again.

 

Don't hit your child and let him/her explain. Don't force him/her do things s/he can't.
For example:When s/he is sick, don't force her/him to do chores.

Listen. Treat your children equally. Understand them.

I don't love or trust my parents anymore. They both love my stupid spolied half-brother more. They don't even care, they just pretend. And my step-father hits me sometimes and calls me a spoiled princess. Bastard.

He also blabbers that how Christianity is best and I must believe too. I can't even talk to them, cause if they heard, that I have my own views on abortion, homosexuality, politics and faith, they'd send me to a psychologist.

It's not only me. He has 3 grown-up children of his own and they all agree with me.

 

Totally off topic, but this anti-spanking thing shocks me. Why do you all assume that spanking is the same as beating? "spank the living daylights out of them" and such nonsense.

Yes, I spank my daughter.
No, I never hurt her.

I would much rather spank than try to induce guilt (oh, you're so bad you hurt my feelings, how could you do that to me???)

Why manipulate thier minds & emotions?

My daughter knows I love her. She also knows that we have rules. So if she violates them repeatedly and doesn't listen to warnings, she'll get a spank on the bottem and then distracted from the *candy* *tv* whatever she was being bad with.

 

On the spanking issue, I'm with Mathetais. I see a lot of kids who are very manipulative. Emotions and logic are just a tool to manipulate other people and their parents.

Some parents prefer this manipulative way. And to their credit, this is good political training.

I don't care for my children to be that way.

I will beat my children.

 

Mathetais is right, spanking isn't wrong. I was spanked when I was younger but I'm alright with it, only when my did kicked me in the groin and hit me across the face did I think it was wrong. I don't blame him though I was a little sh*t.

Always take interest in what your kid is interested in. I love it when my dad teaches me a new song on the guitar and we play for ages at it, especially because he's usually drunk when we do it .