Relationship Rant Thread #4

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A fourth one already? Oh well. Rant on, people, rant on.

 

So, google tells me that one of my crushes is married.

so the current total is: One guy who doesn't love me back and tw crushes who are married. *sigh*

Anyonse see my heart? it kind of squelched outta my chest a while back.. cause they can keep it. i am tired of getting it torn out all the effing time.

 

I always thought that I would never find anyone special, but that changed when I moved to the states.

 

That's ironic.


No offence, people.


I'd say give the whole thing a rest, Ara and focus on yourself.

 

I agree with Uytuun, Ara, just forget about men for a while. When the time is right it usually happens without you trying to make it happen. For now concentrate on making yourself happy and working on your new career. Who knows what a move might bring.

 

Philosophic ramblings are probably not what you need right now, Ara, but consider that you won't have a good relationship with another person if you don't have one with yourself. Find yourself and your inner peace. Then, there will be men and a good relationship. But not before. And a crappy relationship is not what you need. Not even in the short run.*

*Not to imply that short-term relationships are ever plausible.

 

So, I've been having feelings for a close friend of mine for the past month and a half. More than a crush but not full blown in love either. She and I have grown to be real close friends over the past months, after a lot of social drama caused by my best mate. We hang out a lot and do stuff that other she-friends of mine dub as possible 'relationship stuff'. (Think: The grey area between close friendship stuff and relationship stuff.) I think that has attributed to my feelings for her develloping.

I wanted to tell her last thursday, but I just couldn't. We decorated my christmas tree, I cooked for her and we played some boardgames. Eventually we got onto the couch with some chocolate ice-cream and watched a movie together. We had a blast and I just couldn't force myself to tell her. Not a single moment felt right.

So, being a total wuss and chickening out on thursday, I forced myself into having to tell her. Sent her an sms "need to talk, okay if I call at 12:30?" yesterday. I was nauseous due to stress all morning and couldn't eat more than half a sandwich at lunch.

But, I called her up and told her. She had had no idea and the feelings weren't mutual (as I expected) but at least I told her. Now I can deal with it, without having to feel guilty about not telling and wondering if maybe there was a chance... She was very understanding and kind, not to mention amused in a "how cute" manner at the way I stressed out. Heh.

Going to take two weeks to straighten things out with myself, during which I asked her to let us take things easy. Superficial contact, if any. I'm not hurt or sad at the 'rejection', if that's what it technically is. Just glad that I dealt with this (which is a personal victory, really) and that our friendship should come through unscathed.

Thanks for letting me vent this, it's as much of a relief as telling her in the first place. (Though considerably less stressful )

 

What is it about the human race that makes people incapable of actually telling someone when they are not interested in them? Needless to say my second date tonight is *not* happening anymore and quite frankly I'm ****ed off at the way it's been handled on her part. Is it really necessary for someone to make you feel really crappy about yourself for days just because she's not really interested in you anymore but doesn't want to "Hurt your feelings" and come right out and say it? I have no evidence to back this up of course, and she still hasn't actually told me, but it's not really not that difficult to tell that something's amiss. Suddenly she has a works Xmas party that she conveniently forgot about until I text her asking if we were still on for tonight, and I've not really had a satisfactory chat since Wednesday. The wording she uses in her (Few and far between) text messages is suddenly much less encouraging (eg. Hi babe/Gorgeous! --> Heyhey!)

I really don't want to say anything to her though, not unless I'm absolutely sure that I won't come across as the paranoid "Clingy" guy. It has been four days now without proper conversation and It's really getting me down. As I said originally, I really do like this one, but as is usually the case, she does not seem to like me back.

What I really want to know is am I just being paranoid? Or am I right in thinking she's not interested and should I give up on this as a possible success story?

 

When you start feeling there is something amiss (which is sadly not paranoid in most cases) you can either talk about it and find out where you stand or just let go (if you can do it).
In the first case, you run the risk of blowing it off out of proportions (if you were mistaken) plus you may really bother her if she doesn't feel like talking about it and is just having a bad time.
In the second case there is a chance she might come back to you because most girls hate a guy who is needy or "clingy" they might find it "cute" but that's not what they expect or what they want out of a relationship.

Last time I tried the talking stuff it ended up badly because it turned out she didn't want to talk and was embarrassed. It was not all bad however because i found out where she stood. Nevertheless if I had been less eager and acted more casually things would have been less complicated and I would have avoided a confrontation that turned out to be awkward.

Women are strange sometimes. A girl I had a crush on (and who had turned me down) has let me know this morning out of the blue that she had broken up with her boyfriend a month ago. I can't tell whether this is a signal for me to hit on her or if she was just sharing... She knows that I'm still attracted to her and she told me she dumped her boyfriend because they had nothing in common (which is funny because I'm the exact opposite of the guy she dated). My instincts tell me to flee but I've got an urge to find out whether things could work out better this time. Still I know I shouldn't get in touch with her.

 

I know how you feel Jan. It would'nt be so bad if she had let you know about the Xmas party but since you had to text her on the morning before she let you know is a bit of a kick in the teeth. To be honest who know's how the womans mind works, maybe she just forgot to let you know or maybe she is trying to cool things with you, the best thing you can do is just to carry on with things. As you say you don't want to appear too clingy, just say it's too bad she couldn't make it and you'll see her around. I agree with Caradhras just take the casual approach and wait till she comes sniffing.

 

Don't worry, Jan. She's probably as confused as you are. I really doubt she's just trying to make you forget or to give you "the hint". I just wonder if she would have told you about the Christmas party on her own. Generally, asking her again gave her the opportunity to cancel it. I would have done the same when I was your age, but these days, I would have let her stay me up. That would have been something she would have to explain. Slipping an SMS 15 minutes before the set time would also have been quite self-explanatory. At the same time, one doesn't give up a work Christmas party for a date, so it's normal she chose that instead of a meeting with you that she can have on any other day.

@Caradhras: Or maybe she just wants you to hit on her a bit or just confirm that she still has some effect on you. I remember a could have been telling me about her plans for the rest of the day like that some two or three years ago.

 

You're the man Chev! That's what I was concerned about, anyway I know I can't help it... Pretty girls are like Sith lords, they know they have powers and they are not afraid to use them.

 

I hear that Caradhras Still no word so I thought a tentative "Hi, how are ya?" text was in order. No immediate reply, but not sure if I was really expecting one to be honest. This is all somehow less fun than I imagined it

 

Thanks, Caradhras. And guys can have it too. I think it's a universal human thing that when you see someone admit a weekness for you all the time, it feels like something is amiss when it stops. And I don't mean trying to dominate that person, just something like an appreciation/ego thing. It always hurts to lose an admirer, no? Of course, some people just have to keep five guys or girls hopelessly in love at all times, but that's a different thing and it's wrong.

@Jan: Give it up and forget. It's already obvious she wasn't a girl for you and even if she actually were to call you now, it wouldn't be the same. You're young. You have some education to pursue, you still don't know where you will end up, or even what kind of guy you will be in a couple of years. There are other things than girls to take your time and much more productively so. Or much less painfully, if you go for diversion and not for studying your head off.

 

Well, this sucks. My girlfriend just broke up with me today. I am... I don't know. Devastation isn't a strong enough word. Although Taza seems to have gotten it right:

Its too bad that I completely and truly love her. I thought with time perhaps it could be mututal, but I guess not. Maybe if I hadn't asked her how she felt two weeks ago, this wouldn't have happened...
Lets see how this ruins me

 

Well, I suspected something like that... so what exactly did she say? That she didn't return your feelings? Wonder if she's with that oh so great guy she wanted to sit with. At any rate, she's young and she has some right to be undecided, not very aware and generally lost. If she feels like she does, it's too early to force herself in the name of loyalty, so better now than later. I wish you good luck in your newly reclaimed singledom and in finding your right woman.

 

[sarcasm]Welcome to emotional hell.

This trip is graciously provided by your ex.

Activities offered to you include crying, brooding, moping, smashing stuff to bits or trying to get out of here with as little damage as possible.

Thank you and have a nice trip.[/sarcasm

Sucks, man. Welcome back to the bachelor's club -- here, have some Blak I was stashing up for Chev.

There is no point in regretting things. Maybe it would have happened anyway. Who the hell knows? I don't.

 

The problem is not that he asked but that she felt like that. Had he not asked, perhaps they would still be in a relationship, but it would be form more than content.

 

Let's look at it from another angle: she felt that way anyway, so the fact that Saber asked her, IMO, simply accelerated the end. Had he not asked, I'm fairly certain it would have happened anyway - in a couple of days, weeks, months, years maybe, hell I don't know.

BTW, Chev, you seem to have some free time on your hands - how 'bout a reply, eh?

 

Well, what she said was that she had been thinking about it for a while, and she just doesn't feel the same way for me that I do, or basically not even close to what I feel for her. All I know is that three weeks ago, we shared some pretty special moments that I thought were indicative of how we felt, but apparently not.