Retrospect - what I learned

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Well. I broke up with my girlfriend today. We were both 15 and right in the middle of doing our GCSEs, and I guess we felt that it was just another thing to add to the pile of worries that we didn't need. I was given the old "we can still be friends" line. Strangely, at that moment I didn't feel sad, or angry, or anything. It was just so wierd hearing this words coming out of her mouth. I suppose I saw it coming, really, hence my depression recently. In a way, being depressed beforehand really helped me when it actually happened, like I'd already payed some of my debt.

At the moment all I feel is emptiness and unfamiliarity. The feeling of separation is impossible to describe, but Travis almost had it nailed in the song "Luv" -

So, am I still in love? In a way, yes. I'm in love with being in love. That special feeling, the way you can say "I am in love," I miss it already. This is why "rebound" relationships exist. People feel so torn, so alone that they reach out to grab the nearest thing. Inevitably, that thing is the wrong thing to grab, and it leads only to more misery. I'm taking the advice my parents have given me - try to keep your head, and be patient. Don't reach for the nearest person; wait a while, and you'll find the right person. Yet, until that hollow is filled in, I am still subconciously clinging to what we had.

Was the mistake we made to never plan for love? Yes, it was. Love is a weighty thing, it can't be taken on lightly. It opens us up, it makes us weak. To love someone is like building a bridge between yourself and them. But, while that bridge is being built, it can be easily broken. Until it is a whole bridge, the smallest thing can blow it away. We came together, I think, because we could. The chemistry was there, we were attracted to each other, so it was the logical next step. Yet love was a thing we never expected to happen. I'm the kind of person that falls easily in love. Call it wussiness, call it romantic, I have a deep desire for a special someone to share my life with. After a while with her, I started to realise that she made me happy when she was nearby, talking to me, or just with me. Without knowing, I had started to build a bridge between us. This was a big mistake. She isn't the kind of person to just dump you like that, but when separation finally did occur, the bridge made it a hell of a lot more painful than it could have been.

As for what I learned...quite a few things, actually. Firstly, if you are young, take my advice, PLEASE don't tie yourself down. Especially if you are a teenager. You change so much in your youth, it's impossible to predict what you will be like even six months from now. Now matter how much you want to be with someone, always remember that by the time you have been with them for a few months, you could have changed completely. As far as you know, you could be attaching yourself to a completely different person to the one you know and love, and vice-versa. Love makes no allowances for change, and you could find yourself marrying someone totally different to the person you went out with. So, by all means, have a fling, experiment (within the boundaries of the law), but stay true to yourself and your principles, and don't fall in love until you know you want to! Youth is about exploration, not commitment, it may sound corny, but you have your whole life to make commitments. Enjoy what you can, when you can.
Secondly, friendship comes first, love comes second. When people are feeling down, when they've broken up with someone, who is it the puts them back on their feet? Almost always, it's their friends and family. They are the people who care about you, and they want to see you happy again. You don't want to find yourself in a position where you've just been dumped, you're all alone, and you have neither love nor friendship.
Don't ever hide your emotions. Some people find it better to talk when they have a problem. Some people, like me, find it better to write. Even sitting with a hot water bottle and a hot chocolate, watching a soppy film and crying your eyes out is a relase of emotion. Don't let it circle around your head for years, because not only will it drive you to miserable distraction, it will also eventually bury itself in your mind, and negatively affect how you act later in life. Don't bottle it up. Go ahead and cry. Everyone does. In fact, listen to that song by REM - Everybody Hurts. It's true.

One last thing. Learn from your mistakes. If you've broken up with someone, think what it was that was wrong. Next time you see someone you like, use that knowledge to your advantage, and avoid making the mistakes you've already made. Once you find it and hold on to it, I'm told that love is the greatest and most powerful of all emotions.

If you've read this far, thankyou for listening. It's taken a lot off my mind.

 

Poor Yerry I hope you get better and i hope that you find the right one. As for me I really dont know what to do right now but I will find out!

 

such wise words from one so young! *sniffle* i wish i could've articulated in such a manner about relationships when i was your age.

btw, an entire post without ?

 

Ditto, the god. Yerril, you are wise beyond your years. A humble and thoughtful heart like yours will never lack for love.

 

You should have heared me crying when I broke up with my girl... It's about 2 years ago now and I start to miss someone around me. Not her, but just someone. But I have patience and I'm sure it will be rewarded.

Reading this your topic, Yerril, I'm quite sure you'll find someone.

'The greatest thing you'll ever learn,
is just to love and be loved in return'
(Moulin Rouge)

[ September 12, 2002, 19:07: Message edited by: Master of Nuhn ]

 

Y'know I hadn't cried about it 'til now, but now I am. You guys are the best, thankyou.

 

Sir Yerril:
You have the right attitude for finding the relationship you want,especially for your age. The best advice I can give is to learn from your broken relationships. When I broke up with this one girl my senior year, I felt devastated for a time; then I felt free. I thought it was love, but it was just infatuation. The next girl I dated was truly wonderful and we were so compatible and such good friends, that I married her! Our total time together, dating and married, is over 20 years now. In fact, our 14th wedding anniversary is Tuesday, the 17th. I really did marry my best friend.
Hang in there, and don't rush it. You'll find your soulmate too.

 

I see this thread now, after I commented in the Rambling Bandom (spelled like that on purpose) post.

Great insights Sir Yerril. That is a deep post. Indeed you are wise, just like a good paladin .

And if I may, a big to your wisdom.

 

Yerril, nothing of what you said was wussy or corny. Love is a great force and emotion that binds us all. Your words are wise indeed.

 

Wow. I've never seen anything that touching come out of someone so young, it seriously made me wistful simply reading it.

You're wise, although I don't believe that you can actually choose whether or not you fall in love. It's just something that happens, whether you want it or not.

Actually, I have had this happen in the past. Unfortunately, throughout a good portion of youth, it felt as though I had nobody that I could truly fall back upon, so the memory kept haunting. Talk to someone, it will help, although I am sorry to tell you that the feeling and memories will never truly fade away.

Eventually you will meet someone that you wish to devote your life too fully. You'll know it when you see it. And that will be a bond that will not be torn apart.

By far.

 

Those are nice words Sir Yerril. I need a little help myself. Ok heres the deal, there is girl in my lunch who I just can't stop staring at. Every time she looks at me I look away as if I'm shy, but I really am not a shy person at all. Actualy I am quite the opposite I'm one of the most outgoing people you will ever meet (If you don't believe me ask Soapy Cuts he is my friend). Anyways, I tried talking to her and for some reason I freeze and we get moment of siliences and I really hate it. I think she likes me to. I catch her staring at me alot to and she even says, "Oh you are leaving me", when I walk away because I'm to shy to talk. I don't know why I can't pull myself together. But that's not my main problem. Here it goes............she has a boyfriend. I want to ask her to go out sometime and talk just us two but that guy is always with her. Now it doesn't seem like she likes him and he is to easy going. For example this one kid said to him I'm going to finger your girl and he just said ok. Now I might be wrong about her not liking him but I really want to go out with her. What should I do about this whole situation? Am I just to crazy over her and she really doesn't like me and does really like him?

[ September 17, 2002, 22:20: Message edited by: Psycho. the fanged rabbit ]

 

Deep words Yerril. And very true.

But you don't need to find another relationship. At 15 i was going out and getting drunk all the time and getting as many girlfriends as i could. That is what 15 and 16 is all about. Now i am 17 and i have a long term relationship but still i don't get too serious about it. Being a teenager is all about exploring and stuff and basically racking up experience. Not getting stuck in deep meaningful relationships which MOST people our age are too immature to deal with.

Good on you lad.

 

Yerril, that was amazing. Good luck in dealing with this, but don't dwell. And do not worry about finding a new person. It'll happen in its own time.

Psycho, do for God's sake not do anything with her until she has broken up with him. Even if she doesn't love him, "Do unto others..." Would you like it if you were him and found out she was cheating?

This may seem crazy, but since you aren't sure if she likes you...ask her. It'll save a whole lot of guessing on your part-and probably a lot of stress, as well.

 

I wasn't planing on going out with her while she is still going out with him. I wouldn't feel right knowing she is going out with another guy at the same time. But I was thinking of hitting on her and if she likes me she will dump her boyfriend, but that seems a little cruel.
Don't you think if ask her straight out it would seem a little corny? I don't want to make myself look like a loser. Maybe if there is another way like a couple tests to try on her.