Rev. Haggard Cured! Now "Completely Heterosexual"

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Fundamantealist preacher Ted Haggard last year caused a scandal for hiring the professional services of a male prostitute and using methamphetamine in the process. Which would have been merely been somewhat excentric hadn't he preached so vehemently about the evil of homosexuality.

I am grateful he limited his sins to only that because it keeps my post short. Imagine he had admitted to multiple partner sinning or injecting drugs with needles! And even sinning so cost poor Teddy three nerve wracking weeks of therapy after which, happily, he got born again, again:

After treatment Haggard emerged convinced that he is now "completely heterosexual." -- all the gayness gone, straight straight.
http://www.denverpost.com/portlet/article/html/fragments/print_article.jsp?articleId=5164921&siteId=36

 

I have a gay friend who once said "just because I've had sex with women doesn't make me bi-sexual". In much the same way, having sex with a man doesn't make you gay. Yawn.

 

What I find so pathetic about the whole thing is how cheap Haggard gets away: He's basically blameless, considering he was merely weak to the carnal temptations of Satan. But he refound strength through his faith in Jesus and is now cured. And of course, homosexuality is a choice, a temptation of the Devil one can resist, and be cured of.

Of. Course.

Why can't I get reborn? It sounds so easy. Commit a sin, like getting booty bumped by drugs and flesh, get caught, confess and say you're sorry, go to counseling and declare yourself "cured" by Jesus. Then explain the devil made you give in to your sinful urges! And Haggard himself was just object to this evil temptation. Poor wee Reverend Ted. After his declaration Haggard must have been laughing all the way back home.

That's such a bad joke. The entire counseling is IMO just a ritual self-flagellation to visibly demonstrate repentance (after all, the logic goes, he wouldn't do that if he wasn't serious, right?) for his ex-employers and hopefully future re-employers. It doesn't need to be serious or not; sufficient is that it's there for future reference. "Me? Gay? No more - look here I went into counseling, even have a group photo, and a cool t-shirt signed by all participants.

And as for the adressees, I have no doubt they'll buy it. How stupid can one possibly be? Bleh. But then, that's the power of faith. Mah. Time to hear 'Henry Rollins - Liar' again.

 

I am sure that the creator of the universe, the savior of man and the leader of the rebel angels concern themselves greatly with what Ted does with his genitalia. In my opinion, they all seem a little over qualified to be stuck policing the sexual behavior of some closeted homosexual.

*Cured* of homosexuality with the help of Jesus...what a silly world we live in.

 

Praise the Lord, oh PRAISE THE LORD! He has been cured of his afflictions because he sought the Lord, and the good Lord did smile upon him! Let us raise our hands and praise the Lord for saving this man from the evil grip of homosexuality and Satan!

*ahem*

What a f***ing idiot. So he took a ride on some other guy's slip n' slide and became a hypocrite...got caught and used Jesus to literally save his ass.

Sounds about right.

 

@Drew: actually, doesn't having sex with people of both genders make you bisexual? Unless you've been totally unattracted by them I suppose, in which case it could count as a rape...

 

I'm glad he is doing much better. Good for him.