Smyther's poetry offering

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THE REAL WORLD

Some would say
this is the day
that the world awakens.

Others may not
like it a lot
they say the day has ended.

Half empty, half full
the people are null
that say life can be judged by a glass.

Death is eternal,
life is a moment,
so don't go being an ass.

[ April 08, 2004, 05:29: Message edited by: Smyther ]

 

ROTFLMAO at the last line (nice and unexpected)!

Wise words to live by. "Cut the crap, get over it, etc."

 

Yay!

That sounded real good plus, it has a meaning I like!

Way to go

 

You have a bright future as a greeting-card writer! Just stay far away from Hallmark, that bastion of sappiness, and find a company that appreciates wit.

Keep them coming - nothing like starting my day with a clever bit of humor and wisdom.

 

Here's a poem that's not wise or wonderful, or even funny. It is a simple poem about an elven king searching for a powerful artifact and falling into depravity in the process.

The King of Trees

Such a man one never sees;
He makes one come on bended knees;
Cries of reverence, cries of pleas;
Fall kind upon the King of Trees.

An elf so tall, so proud and fair;
He carries on a regal air;
But now he wars without a care;
In search of golden treasure rare.

"Like a dwarf" his people say;
"A curse upon this modern day;
He's doomed us all with his way;"
As he searches for the Golden Ray.

High atop the mountain peak;
The king's demeanor begins to reek;
He must sacrifice ten weak;
To get the item he doth seek.

Will he give in to evil and hate?
Has he passed the final gate?
Will he kill on this hour late?
Is the item in his fate?

He stands there now, object in mind;
One hundred years it took to find;
Is it worth ten of his kind?
The answer shows on his face lined.

He puts his hand upon the stone;
The people let out a mournful moan;
But the king wants not his throne;
His body sinks down to the loam.

The Golden Ray with shining light,
floats on down admist the fight;
It gives its strength to the right;
Because of Geln's sacrifice that night.

The wars were then later won;
All battles as if not begun;
The final death a crushing one:
The King of Trees: the late Geln Thunn.

 

I liked the first one better...
It's just my personal taste but I do find the repetition of the same rhyme (times four) particularly tiresome.
The story in itself is fine, but maybe you should shorten it a bit, drop out the lines where you feel unsure about the rythm, or maybe change your rhyming system.

 

I just came up with this one, though it's not my favorite. Any suggestions on how to improve it?

IMPERFECTION

The flowers bloom upon the cliff,
Hanging on with but one line;
A simple existance that they lead,
There is no room for an 'if.'

The tiger running through the grass,
Hunted by the zoo keepers;
Thinking of her mewling kittens,
Not of a life behind the glass.

The mountain sits there proud and tall,
Amidst the lightning flashing white;
Howling winds batter rocks,
But it does not fear the coming fall.

The angry human kills at will,
Caring not of other lives;
But with the fast staying thoughts,
Of why the world bears her ill.