The Meaning of Marriage

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So what does marriage mean to you? I know there are some people here who are not married and some who are. For those of you who are married, how serious do you take your vows? Or your commitment to your partner? What do you think are the necessary components for a marriage to work?
For those that aren't married? How do you see it? What do you see is needed to make a marriage work?
Even the younger members here should weigh in.

For me, marriage is not just a commitment to someone. Its a feeling of love and compassion. Its finding that one person that you want to wake up next to every morning. Its knowing that person inside and out. Its when he or she walks through the door you can tell that they have had a rough day, without them saying a word, and knowing a Mudslide and a freshly baked batch of brownies will bring a smile to their face, or cooking a breakfast meal for dinner will just hit the spot.
Its knowing to shut up when their favorite TV show is on, and its ok to talk during the commercials. Its not ever having the desire to be with anyone else. Its giving your heart and virginity to one person. Its knowing you can jsut lay quietly, listening to eachother breathing and not say a word. Its accepting that other person unconditionally, regardless of their faults and realising you cannot change that person, no matter what you do. Its getting up at 5:30am, on your day off, just to make them a sandwhich to take to lunch.
To me marriage is making a sacred vow and promise to one person for the rest of your life.
Yes, I admit that sometimes things don't work out and couples separate or even unfortunately get a divorce. Sometimes the other person dies way too soon. And then the other person moves on. But no matter how bad things get, no matter how hot the girl in the frozen food section at the grocery store is, it does not give someone the right to stray from those vows.
Guys are going to look, and so are women. I'm willing to bet there is not one married person here who has not looked once at another person and thought, "Hey, he/she's pretty cute!"
I don't see anything wrong with that, unless you act upon it, or make it obvious in front of your partner.
My wife has a phrase, "You can look at the menu, just don't sample any of the dishes or let me see you looking at the menu."

 

Marriage for me is lifelong commitment. Friendship and communication are absolutely necessary to maintain it - you're going to hit rough spots, and yes, you're going to get mad at each other. I agree with your wife (who agrees with my mother, married over 50 years). We're past our 10th aniversary.

 

An outdated, and obsolete concept.
'nuff said from me. I shall neither contend nor accept the views of anyone else about this topic.

 

I believe marriage can be wonderful if both people work at it. When one has his head up his rear end, as I did, then you have a failed marriage and that really sucks. But in my mind, I always was faithful and loyal to her -- I just didn't pay enough attention to her. If I ever get married again, I'm going to make sure she knows and feels, every day of her life, that I love her.

 

To me, I guess it is a bit outdated considering society today, and that's unfortunate. I don't really have a very informed idea of it because my mum and father split when I was about 5 so...
Though I do know some of the things it is not.
For example, it's not about beating on your spouse and throwing the dinner plate at your spouse just because dinner isn't piping hot, it's not putting the boot in to your spouse as a result of an accidental knee to the groin during a tickle-fight, it's not sleeping around behind your spouse's back, particularly with members of the same sex, without informing them of your sexual preferences prior to the wedding.
It is about treating your spouse as an equal partner in life and discussing any problems as they become apparent though.

It is taken too lightly by many people these days thuogh, particularly younger generations. For example, I was once friends with a guy (until he talked his then-girlfriend into putting me up on sexual harrasment charges which didn't stick) who got engaged to every single one of his girlfriends within weeks of meetin ghtem and starting to date them. He's now been married less than a year to a girl who has a baby to another ex-friend of mine and he's already moved out of the matrimonial home, he's dating another girl and he's planning to tell his estranged wife on their first anniversary that he wants to get a divorce. Talk about taking it lightly...

 

When I was in my early twenties I thought that I would never get married. It just didn't seem to be something that matched my freebird lifestyle. Then I hit 27, met someone totally different from everyone else I knew, and got married to him six months after dating him. Five days after that he had to leave the country and we were parted for another six months until I could bring him back as a landed immigrant. Those six months apart were hell for us.

For me, marriage is something that should be prized and not taken for granted. It can also be extremely difficult at times, especially when each partner literally speaks a different language. Some days are amazing, some days are horrible, but every day is a challenge. The most important thing is that both people participating in the marriage should be putting an equal effort into making it work. We have been together for six years now.

 

I agree with Shura.

It's an idiocy.

*puts 'marriage' on her list of 'Completely Idiotic Things That Would Screw Up My Life, If I Did Them'*

 

Let's find a spouse who shares Shura's/Eze's view.

 

*sigh* People have been asking me this for a long time but no matter what answer I give, people give me funny looks for it. So I will answer with the belief I believe the most in (and the one that gets me the most strange looks.)

I take the romantic wolf approach. Wolves mate for life. They hunt together and stay in the same packs. If they get seperated then they try to get back together. They raise little cubs together with some support from their pack. They don't sleep with other wolves and they don't switch mates. The only time a wolf might get a new mate is if their old one dies. If one wolf gets hurt, it's mate stays with it to protect it till it heals. Humans could learn a lot from us wolves.

So to me that's what marriage means. Although I believe there should also be love in there I know that there can be love without marriage and marriage without love or even marriages that can lead to love -- It's hard not to love someone who's got your back all time. With humans I also believe communication is always necessary because you can't help each other out if you don't know what's going on and I honestly believe that's how 98% of arguments and misunderstandings are caused. So anyways that's my opinion. I also believe that humans don't follow those precepts in what they call marriage, but that's how I think marriage was originally meant to be and how it should be now.

 

Marriage: the union of two capitals.

Seeing as most people nowadays don't HAVE proper capital, thus marriage is obsolete.

Of course, I can see the desire for the commitment and the possible religious nessecity, but stuill... obsolete.

In the Olde Days, a marriage would join two capitals, say, two farms together. Now? Two students struggling with loans for example. No use there.

*stares at what she wrote*

bloody Hell, I just agreed to something my father says.... *shakes head*

Someone kick me, please?

 

/me gives Ara a swift kick in the arse

Who else wants an invite to the Eze-Shura wedding? On second thought, that could be one scary event... Cancel my plane ticket!

I think I posted my opinion of marriage eloquently enough in the "Affair" thread. When it's right, it's great; when it's wrong, it's hell. As seriously as I take it, though, I don't think marriage should be inviolate. If it's wrong for one (or both) partners, it should be ended while there's a litle respect for each other still left. Better to deal with a divorce lawyer than a public defender.

 

Thank you, Rally, I now have nightmares of said event.

But darn, that would make one great thread in CS...

 

I don't see much need for marriage these days...Unless you WANT to have children with someone.

53% of marriages in the US end in divorce within 5 years. Then it's all court battles and bitterness. If done a few cases in Family court, and it ain't pretty.

Most people will flame me for this...But I'm saying it anyway. If you get married, do yourself a favor, separate the love from the business decision and make up some kind of arrangement to divide property (and debt) in the event of a break up.

Being a single guy with real estate, any marriage I enter into will have a provision that my pre-marital property, including appreciation during the marriage, will remain mine. I worked hard for it, and I won't give it up to anyone...

Anyway, this may be a little cynical...But I think it's just being practical. With the horrendous rate of failed marriages today a little planning can go a long way.

 

I'd probably go with the pre-nuptial agreement too, Bel. It depends on the situation.

As far as what marriage should be, I'm in complete agreement with you, Elios.

Sadly, though, many people do rush into things which is partly responsible for that staggering divorce rate.

 

You're spot-on with the pre-nup, Sir Bel. Velcro and I have one securely in place. However, we were told by our attorney that the pre-nup usually goes out the window in favor of the will...

 

True...But if I'm dead, what will I care about the pre-nup?

 

I am dismayed at what marriage has widely become and what it is being widely perceived as. I agree with Elios, but as I read his post it sounds so idealistic. I realize with regret that many people view marriage as out-dated, but I don't think it is. It's the people who need to change, not the institution.

My problem is this, I view marriage so seriously that I want to be absolutely sure that whomever I marry, that's how it will be - no divorce for any reason. I fear divorce so much that I'd rather never get married so that I never have an opportunity for divorce.

On a smaller scale, I fear break-ups so much (and I don't trust myself either, because I've broken up with partners in the past) that I tend to avoid relationships.

I hate the idea of confrontation with someone I love and cherish, and I hate that idea so much, I'd rather not have someone to love and cherish so as not to risk the confrontation.

Well, regardless I've got some issues to deal with and won't be marrying anytime soon.

 

Those pre-nuptials say to me those people shouldn't have gotten married in the first place.

 

In a utopian society, I might agree with you, but both parties being willing to enter into the pre-nuptial agree can also help to make both sides sure that the marriage will last.

Under typical laws, if a divorce takes place, everything is split 50%. That's right, if a broke person marries a millionaire and then gets divorced, they're still wealthy. If the same person enters that marriage with the pre-nuptial agreement, they get squat. So, it tells the rich person that they aren't being courted for money.

 

Just fyi, that's not really true. A minority of states are community property states and the remainder are equitable distribution states. Since both Tx and Cal are community property states this bumps the % of people in the US that live under these laws but still only about 1/4 of the people in the US live in community property states.

These community property states are the ones where you hear about "50/50" splits. That's not really accurate either however since generally in a community property state property owned individually prior to marriages and any profit from that property as well as individual gifts and individual inheritances remain separate. Property acquried subsequent to marriage is split '50/50'. Of course, this is all subject to wrangling.

Equitable distribution states divide property in whatever manner is "fair."

Mississippi, being Mississippi, divides property based on who has legal title to the property and if title is joint then it is split 50/50.

One interesting stat on the subject I remember reading: the average woman after divorce experiences a 45% reduction in standard of living while the average man experiences a 15% increase in his standard of living.

This is interesting given a popular conception of men being taken to the cleaners during divorce.