The Phantom Menace - 9 Years Later

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So they've been showing Episode I and some other Star Wars movies on Spike recently to promote the new Clone Wars movie. All well and good. But I have to admit it's been a few years since I've seen Episode I. I remember my friends and I waiting in line to see it when it came out. I also remember being so stoked when the opening yellow scrolly text came on and being thoroughly entertained throughout the whole thing. I felt the same way for Episodes II and III as well at the time. Leaving the theater thinking "ok, now I have a new favorite Star Wars movie. This was the best one so far." I honestly thought that at the time.

But I'm sitting here watching Episode I now and...I'm just in shock. THIS IS AN AWFUL MOVIE. The horribly written script, the wooden, lifeless acting, the awful phrases and sight gags you just KNOW George Lucas insisted on throwing in (Anakin shouting "Yippee!!" the way no child has since the Great Depression, "You're Bantha Poodoo!", Jar-Jar reacting to a farting alien cow by saying, and I quote, "Icky icky poo!"), the awful acting by Jake Lloyd and the other children of Mos Espa (is it so hard to find a decent actor under 20? Dakota Fanning must not have been born yet), all of it. And don't even get me started on Hayden Christensen. This kid has all the depth and charisma of a blow-up doll, and isn't nearly as entertaining. And Jar Jar. SWEET JESUS. I mean I can just picture Lucas watching the playbacks during post-production and saying "man, we've got a winner here. I mean he just sounds great. So funny. Oh, look at him go, I love that. I'm sorry, what? Annoying? Are you crazy?! This is cinema GOLD! You know how many Jar-Jar toys we're gonna sell? Get this nerf-herder out of my sight!" When George Lucas lost his touch, he really, really lost it.

I guess the point of this rant is...how did I not notice how appalling these films are? Was I such a Star Wars fan boy that I was willing to overlook (or apparently, block out) all the horrible elements while basking in the always exquisite John Williams score, light-saber fightin' action and the general splendor of the Star Wars universe? I mean I used to LOVE watching the prequels and now, it's just...unwatchable tosh. Can anyone explain this?

Discuss.

 

I guess you should never underestimate the power of Star Wars fandom. When I found out they were making the prequels, and I saw the Episode I trailer for the first time, it was like Christmas. I guess I just had an intense, euphoric geek-out that lasted 6 full years.

 

i still remember how sad I was when this movie sucked. However, I was younger then and now I always have a healthy dose of skepticism about bringing back old franchises. For instance, I am a super huge fan of Fallout. I expect the new one to not live up to the old ones. If it turns out to be a decent game, all the better.

 

I've seen all the three new movies and I hate them too. I isn't *that* bad, but II and III.... ugh. I remember having conversation with my uncle about the third movie and he loved it. "The special effects!! Wow!" To which I respond, "What special effects?"
Him: "What do you mean, the entire movie was filled with special effects!"
Me: "Well, then there not *special*, are they?" (Yup, I read maddox the day before.)

I don't think one can really blame the actors for anything. Their main set was the blue screen, and I think that it is very hard for any actor, especially a young inexperienced one, to be able to act without having an actual set. If anyone's to blame, then it is George Lucas.
I remember George Lucas giving an interview while making the second movie and he said that they first had the idea to also turn the last three books of the 9 books into movies. He said that after seeing episode I, he decided not too, probably realizing that he was destroying his entire reputation.

 

Episode 1 belongs in the trash, and 2 is about as bad. Hayden Christensen turns into this emo whiny kid the whole movie, although at least they got rid of Jar Jar (mostly). The script and plot were difficult to follow first time through (I found) and I thought the pacing was completely off.

Episode 3 was much, much better. I bought the DVD, watched it this year or last year or something, and I still think its the best of the new 3. Best of the lot? No. But its not bad.

When I watched it again, I did notice more wooden acting (especially Anakin Skywalker). At least the action and pacing are much better, as are the light sabre fights. I would almost say that Episode 3 is like Lucas listened to his fans and actually produced a decent movie instead of a light show. Not quite perfect, but not bad, at least compared to the other 2.

 

I didn't rush out to see them. I heard critics lambaste the movie. I heard horror stories about Jar Jar. I heard all these things, but I still yearned to see all three movies. In light of the criticism, I lowered the bar, but as a result, I did enjoy all three of them. I still watch them when I see them on Space or Spike, and I probably will borrow a copy of Clone Wars when it comes out on DVD...

 

Ah yes, Episode 1. I actually went to watch it with my friend when it first came out in theaters here. And back then, it was really awesome - and we were around 10. But when I now look at it again, it's really, really, really not good. The lines are horrible, the acting is bad, even the fights seem really stiff and like "I will now touch your saber with mine while wobbling around a bit. And then we're going to go wild and you actually PUSH your saber against mine!"

Anyways, Clone Wars. I'm waiting for that, actually. I really liked the cartoon, and I like how they've kept the aesthetic style even in 3D.

Although I must say something about Episode 3. I'm still amazed how you can actually deactivate the levitation/whatever systems of a huge base by smashing a control panel once with a lightsaber. Don't they have any security standards at all?

 

1/2 are truly terrible, though at times unintentionally hilarious. 'I killed them all ... and not just the men, but the women, and the children too! <death metal growl>AND I HATE THEM!!!111</death metal growl>'

3 was enjoyable though, IMO.

Though I understand what you mean by things seeming infinitely better than they really are before you put some serious thought into them.

 

I remember watching #1 and being less than thrilled with it. It was especially disappointing that some really good actors (Liam Neeson, Ewan McGregor and Natalie Portman, to be specific) were doing such a poor job. Then there's the bloody kid... and don't get me started on Jar Jar and his ilk. That said, the movie is stellar compared to #2, which has got to be one of the worst cringe-inducing movies I've seen. I've not bothered watching #3 and I don't think I ever will.

 

The Problem with Prequels

The problem with Episode I: TPM is that it's a film made for one very specific audience: 8 year-old boys. I really think that in that context it works. Sure, if you're a true fanboy you'll also love the score and the lightsaber battle with Darth Maul (excellent baddie); I know I did. The acting is bad, true, but it's Star Wars. Remember how bad Mark Hamill could be? The problem has always been Lucas's direction: he basically doesn't bother, he just says "action" and "cut" and splices it all together later. TPM might have been everyone's favourite hate-figure of a movie for a while, but there is a context in which it works - you could see what Lucas was trying to do: make a kid's film.

Now, Episode II: AotC on the other hand... oh dear. This was the film that really should've drawn the ire. Maybe people were hung up on the fact Jar-Jar was in it less, or were fooled by the stupid CGI Yoda lightsaber action. AotC failed on every level, spectacularly. Lucas said in interviews he wanted to make a love story in a Star Wars film. Just saying that made me twitch in horror - to pull off a love story you really need 3 things: performances, script & dialogue. None of them were forthcoming. Natalie Portman looks in pain throughout, as though she's thinking of systematically dismembering her agent for locking her into 3 dire films without seeing any scripts. Hayden Christensen is more wooden than a giant redwood. Their whole "romance" is laughable. George Lucas is still directing. I've seen some poor films, but AotC is easily the worst. To anyone who hasn't seen it, don't bother. It's evil.

Episode III: RotS. This is a real curate's egg: some very good ideas and kick-ass story elements sit alongside Lucas's leaden directing and atrocious dialogue. This was the film that really made me feel as though Lucas had enough backstory for 1, maybe 1-and-a-half good films, but tried to pad it out to three for the sake of symmetry. It could be so much better, there are still many things that fail terribly (General Grievous, for example... oh, come on!), but the core of the story still manages to shine through, even as Lucas tries to bodge it up. The disease of AotC still infects the acting and dialogue, and the chemistry between Portman & Christensen is still no more reactive than an Argon/Gold mixture at room temperature. But the film feels like proper Star Wars, for all its many faults.

I just can't shake the feeling that if Lucas hadn't been so powerful when making the three prequels, that we could have had a situation like in the original trilogy. When confronted by a particularly tongue-twisting and clunky piece of dialogue on Star Wars, Harrison Ford just turned round to Lucas and uttered the immortal words: "You can write this ****, but you can't say it!" Without forces (no pun intended) reining him in, Lucas just did what he wanted, no regard for outside opinion (or in some instances, continuity). Hence three ****ty movies.

 

I was looking forward to seeing it. I saw it at the cinema.... and I was unsure. My SW.... obsession, I guess took a severe blow, but went home, thought about what i'd seen, then a few weeks later, went back and saw this again. I just thought it was utter ****!

 

I think the biggest fault of Chapters I-III was the complete failure of Lucas to make the conversion of Anakin Skywalker to Darth Vader believable. There was no "luring to the dark side" -- at least in the first three Darth Vader tempted Luke with power Luke wanted (believably well). Anakin just... changed his mind. The entire plotline of Anakin needing to keep Padme safe was poorly done (especially the extremely forced "mother being kidnapped and tortured to death" tripe). In fact, the death of Padme was poorly done as well, the relationship wasn't really developed to the point her "wasting away" was believable. You never see valid reasons why Anakin becomes Vader -- and that should have been the focus of the stories.

There are a lot of great movies which painfully show good men corrupting themselves -- Lucas failed to do it.

... and, come-on, Darth Vader was 6'6" and a good 250 pounds. He was a damned monster of strength and just oozed "the power of the dark side."

...then Lucas casts a scrawny, short kid into the role.

 

Oh, indeed. The whole turning went something like this:
Palpatine: "I'm a sith, join me."
Anakin: "What? No!"
P: "How about some really bad allusions to the dream you had about Padme dying? Also, we have cookies."
A: "OK!" *goes to massacre everything*

And then he tries to strangle Padme, who he was all about protecting no matter the cost. My theory is that Anakin hit his head too hard while jumping around and his brains leaked out from his ear.

Oh, and when Palpatine fought against Mace Windu and Anakin was watching.
Anakin: "Dude, we should probably give him a trial, not cool to kill him."
Windu: "Too evil, must kill!"
Palpatine: "I'm defenseless, help me Anakin, help me!"
A: "Ok, lol." *Handchop*
P: "Har har, not really! Now I will kill a defenseless jedi, thereby proving my traitorous sith nature and completely contradicting the ideals you just announced!" *FATALITY*
A: "Whatever. Off to sulk and kill some jedi."

 

Rip on Hayden Christiansen all you want--frankly it's entertaining...

But I beg to differ on the storyline with Anakin. You saw the raw power he had through the force, but you also saw the conflicts within him. Yoda continually warned him about the dark side. So did Obi-Wan, but the kid fell for everything. AS for the Scrawny kid becoming Darth Vader, at the end of Episode VI, he even admitted that he was more machine than man...

 

Gnarff, the idea behind the storyline may be good, but the execution is certainly not. That's why most of us rip on the prequel's writing - it's all in the details, and in this case the details are horribly written and horribly executed.

 

Exactly. if I were to read a general outline of the storyline of all three films, I would have thought "oh damn, that sound pretty cool. Not as good as it could be, but pretty damn cool." It was the execution, hammy dialogue, appalling acting and over-reaching visual effects that really did them in. The death, as they say, was in the details.

I will, however, say that there were some elements that were IMO done very well, which did make up for a lot of the bad: Darth Maul is, to this day, one of my favorite movie villains. Ian McDiarmid was excellent, as was Ewan McGregor as Obi-wan. Liam Neeson was near perfect IMO as Qui-gon. The light-saber battles were, for the most part, really very nicely done. And I think Sam Jackson was also a good choice for Mace Windu.

 

Gnarff, you must have seen a different version than I did.

 

I want to bring up the Clone Wars cartoon series. Because, look, it was by any rational standard still awful. Terrible dialogue. Characterization? What characterization? Voice acting? Bwahahahaha.

But you know what it did have? Absurdly over the top action. I'm not even going to describe it, except to say that if Mace Windu from the cartoon fought Neo from the Matrix, Windu would probably win.

And it had enough omgwtf sweet fighting, and so little dialogue/plot, that it was really awesome. For chrissake, it had speeder bike jousting between Hell's Angels and Stormtroopers.

What my friends said, in perfect sincerity: Why weren't the prequels like this?

 

Wait, who said that "Episode I and II were terrible, but Episode III was much better."? Are you for real?

Goli:

Hahaha.

Pretty much everyone in Episode III was an idiot, when you think about it.

-Anakin for mindlessly believing that butchering 'younglings' would save Padme.

- The Jedi Council, for...

1. Not considering the 'bringing balance to the Force' might involve exterminating all but two Jedi.

2. Placing their most volatile Jedi with a politician who is suspected to be allied with a Sith Lord.

3. Not being able to detect a galactic wide conspiracy.

- Padme, for being Padme. And dying because she has 'nothing left to live for'. Hah! How do you say 'Contrived plot'?

- Obi-wan, for being a social retard.

- Yoda, for being a social retard.

- Sidious, for all those ridiculous faces he pulled during the lightsabre fighting scenes, and screaming "I can't hold it!".

Have I missed anything?