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the poem that started lil' game!

Discussion in 'Creativity Surge' started by Lady Luthien, Apr 4, 2004.

  1. Lady Luthien Gems: 6/31
    Latest gem: Jasper


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    The first lines started my game, just thought I'd post that...


    The Surviving Soldiers

    "Gaze, my brothers, at the moon,
    know it will be fading soon,
    the brightest one among the stars
    has shone tonight and all our scars
    have disappeared beneath her gaze...
    To Her alone belongs the praise."
    On hearing such wise words, the Night
    beckoned the fighters to a stream
    where fairies danced in silver light
    and unseen silver dream...
    "Behold, my Lords, your deed is done
    you have fought bravely on the field,
    'tis time to leave the earth of man
    to drop forever sword and shield.
    Let the waters ease your pain,
    the suffering will end at last,
    Death has come upon your past..."
    But the Night spoke in vain;
    "Mistress of our dreams, forgive
    we cannot rest a second more
    the stars still shine upon our lives,
    to Die... We should have died before..."
    The army of remaining men,
    but wraiths in armour scorched and broken
    all kneeled at the words that were spoken
    and all agreed and bowed their heads.
    "It shall be as you desire,
    And if none of you aspire
    to a greater life than that
    I shall leave you..." and Night left.


    The ending is not so hot, actually: it's not an ending at all, I just didn't know what to write next so I let it go...
    So if anyone is willing to finish it for me... ;)
     
  2. Kam Gems: 15/31
    Latest gem: Waterstar


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    [​IMG] Actually, I thought it was great the way it is. Of course, I'm sadistic, and enjoy stopping all of the stories I write before the end. :evil: I love leaving 'em hanging. :D
     
  3. Grey Magistrate Gems: 14/31
    Latest gem: Chrysoberyl


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    No, that's a fine ending. Wraps it up nicely and concisely. Keep it!

    Actually, given the unusual personalization of Night, it reads like the ominous foreword to a creepy fantasy novel. Were you planning on travelling any further with this idea?
     
  4. Lady Luthien Gems: 6/31
    Latest gem: Jasper


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    Hmmm...
    Not really but hey, you've given me an idea! :D
     
  5. SleepleSS Gems: 24/31
    Latest gem: Water Opal


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    [​IMG] I love it! It's so... Rhapsody like!
     
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