The Quest for Glory, The UBB and the One...

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The Quest for Glory,The UBB and the One Sean Bean


This is the first part of the multi-chapter story about the young sorcerer Taluntain and his weirdo companions, who travel through The-Messed-Up-World to find glory, the UBB and the One Sean Bean. Our story begins, when Taluntain is kicked out of his teachers castle on the cloud and lands on a pile of...mud.

Here begins the first episode...

*dramatic music*

"I told you, that you WILL not portal to
Candlekeep and steal robes from Ulraunt's Ever-Vast Closet of Clothes. Now I have to kick you out.You can return, when you have found the
Ultimate Bulletin Board."

The old wizard grabbed the poor apprentice and threw him out. The apprentice, or Tal, as we must call him now, fell and fell and fell, until he landed on something, what was...mud.

He swore and tried to get up. He slipped again. It felt like wrestling with a jelly. A mustard jelly. Then he heard horrible singing and jumping. Suddenly someone jerked him up and he tried desperately to get the mud off himself.

He looked up.

Nothing.

He looked down.

A grinning 12 year-old who was wearing black-clothes and carrying something, what could only be...could it?

Yes, this grinning 12 year-old, who looked like the aunt-sister-daughter of the Nazgul Number Five, was holding Carsomyr. The One Carsomyr.

"You are a Thayvian or something?" she asked.

Thus ends the first episode of this utterly weird story, because the damn Internet is not working.

Eze's Everyday Special:

Ezellohar:Mystra, do you read slash?

Mystra:Ezellohar, yes.

Arabwel:Ha!

Ezellohar:LOL

Ezellohar:Mystra, what slash you read?

Mystra:Ezellohar,prospect looks bleak.

Arabwel:Mystra, do you think Edwin and Sarevok make a cute couple?

Mystra:Arabwel, prospect looks bleak.

Arabwel:Ah

Arabwel:Mystra, what about Xzar and Montaron?

Mystra:Arabwel, not even on a GOOD day.

Arabwel:Heh

Ezellohar:Mystra, do you think, that Aragorn and Boromir make a good couple?

Mystra:Ezellohar, sometime in the near future, ask again tomorrow.

Ezellohar:Lol

Arabwel:Heh

Arabwel:Is Legolas really a guy?

Mystra:Arabwel, maybe.

Arabwel:Mystra, so he is a she, then?

Mystra:Arabwel, all signs point to yes.

(This is true. I have the screenshots.)

[ September 12, 2002, 17:34: Message edited by: Ezellohar ]

 

HAhahahahahahahaha!
This is some good stuff but you should write more!

 

Erm... Padeen, Ezzie said he was going to write more. Very interesting, so far.

 

This is interesting, yes very interesting. I wonder how Tal met up with Mystra, maybe the story will tell

 

Heh, good! Keep on, Eze, keep on...

Ara
(Who needs food anyway?)

 

Very good - look forward to reading more

 

C'Jakob. He is a she

I love the cyberspace twist. great

[ September 17, 2002, 14:16: Message edited by: Nobleman ]

 

Cyberspace twist? Whatever. Here is the next episode of this unhealthily weird story.

The Quest for Glory, The UBB and the One Sean Bean

Episode II:Of Legolas blankets and Paladins

"Me? I am an apprentice, who has to find the UBB. Not a Thayvian."

"But you have red robes."

"Listen, kid. I do not have time. And where you stole that Carsomyr?"

"It is mine. Do not offend him."

"Him?"

"Yes, him. By the way, I can accompany you. I am searching for Sean Bean. I am Ezellohar.
And you?"

She sticked her hand forward.

Tal was little hesitant at first, but then shook her hand. He picked up his staff and they
started walking in Middle-Of-Nowhere in the Messed-Up-World. He watched her closely as they
walked. Green eyes. Black hair in a long braid. She was wearing black leather and looked... odd. She walked gripping Carsomyr and whispering random things to herself.

"So, where are you from?" Tal asked.

"Wen Kroy in Ainoce."

"What that is?"

"Messed up land, messed up city, the merry land of Aragorn/Boromir SLASH."

"Aragorn/Boromir SLASH?"

"From the grand book of world, Lord of the Rings."

"Okay."

Soon they reached the Forest-In-Middle-Of-Nowhere and set up camp.
Ezellohar had a handy Bag of Holding, so she pulled out blankets and self-lighting wood.

They made food and were digging into it, when they heard something.

Arguing.

"My sword looks better, than yours." This voice was little bit funny.

"Your sword's a bitch, she complains all the time. And I have blonder hair." That voice
sounded older.

"Padeen and Yerril, cant you stop it?" Third voice belonged to a female.

"No." Padeen and Yerril exclaimed in unison.

"My sword is not a bitch. I am a Dragonblade."

"I am a Morningmist."

"And I am Arabwel. Can't you stop it?"

Ezellohar was already in the bushes and grabbed Tal and pulled him in as well.

Three figures came to the clearing.

First was your typical paladin with blonde hair, shiny plate mail, a two-handed sword
and shiny teeth.

Second one was nearly the same, but had very nice blue eyes and looked older

Third was a woman, who wore a black velvet dress and the...(Tal's eyes widened at that)
Cloak of Unpracticality. She also bore the Staff of Bitch-Slapping.

"That is definitely from Ulraunt's Ever-Vast Closet," the sorcerer thought.

"Someone has been here," she said.

"We did notice that."

"Oh, I thought that you argued all the time."

Then the-Break-A-Twig Cliche showed itself.
This time the victim was Tal. The sorcerer accidentally broke a twig and feel out of the bushes, looking like Edwin Odesseiron, when he first met The Freaky Bhaalspawn(from Ezellohar's game)in Nashkel.

The paladins and Arabwel looked like decapitated hedgehogs for a moment, but quickly collected themselves and drew their swords or in Arabwel's case, staff. Ezellohar somehow got out of the bushes and gulping a Fire Giant Strength potion, drew her sword and leaped in front of Tal.

"Stand back, or I'll slap you with my Staff of Bitch-Slapping."

"What? I am harmless."

At this, Padeen and Yerril laughed.

"Whatever. Can we join you in your quest-kind-thing?" Arabwel asked.

Tal wanted to open his mouth, but Ezellohar was quicker.

"Of course. By the way, Tal is searching for the UBB and I for Sean Bean."

Taluntain rolled his eyes and sighed.

They decided that they rest and set out to the Inn of Weirdo Adventurers next day.

"Why I got a blanket with Hello Kitty?" Tal asked, when Ezellohar threw him a blanket.

"Because Hello Kitty is more gay than Legolas."

"You have a Legolas blanket?"

"Yup." Ezellohar waved a green blanket what had a very gay face of Legolas Greenleaf, the Mirkwood Prince and the Victim of those Rape Slash fics, ugly Elven OC Mary Sues, drunk Rangers and Cliches on it.

"But."

"No buts."

Ezellohar plopped down and pulled the blanket over her head. Soon the NWN-Courtesan-Snoring was heard.

Tal was angry. He got a blanket with Hello Kitty and Ezellohar got a blanket with Legolas. He looked at his pink blanket and then at Ezellohar. Legolas looked more gay. He grinned and pulling the blanket over him, drifted into sleep.

Arabwel was wrapped in her Cloak of Unpracticality and mumbled something about slash.

Yerril and Padeen were sitting with their arms crossed and staring at each other.

The trio of swords, consisted of Ezellohar's Carsomyr, Padeen's Acauriel and Yerril's Big Blue Sword were laying near the campfire. Acauriel was wailing and Carsomyr was sending angry glances at BBS, who was grinning.

"You know, these dragons are so scary."

"I..."

"And they I puked on that green one. He was so mean."

"I..."

Here ends the second episode of this utterly weird story, because the damn Author wanted it that way.

Eze's Homework Special:
Who is Legolas Greenleaf?
(They'll get harder.)

He definitely is not a sexy blonde Elven archer from Mirkwood. No, in fact, he is a Wiccan and likes Gondorians. Also likes to wear black leather and listen to Uruk-Hai.(A horrible orc band)

 

Lol, this is great

 

LOL! This is funny as hell!

 

this is great! I wonder how tal feels about being a lowly apprentices, with a pink hello kitty blanket

 

Heh... good.... bravo!

Ara
(Currently wearing the original CoU... that has met a sad end and is now in shambles...*sniff*)