True Story (Fiction)

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I remember waiting at the curb, hoping to see someone I knew walk in. That was proving to be difficult because I’d never met any of the people showing up. Then I saw a 6’3” blonde guy walk up with a Slipknot t-shirt on. Dead giveaway.

“Heya, Herf.” The big kid jumped as when I addressed him out of the dark.

“Who are you?”

“Well, you know me as Shralp.”

“Oh, hi.” We trudged on up the lane to the old mansion where people were gathering. Herf kept looking uncomfortable when I made attempts at conversation, so we just walked a bit.

Knowing his clientele, Taluntain had apparently planned ahead. There was a bouncer at the door next to a serious-looking metal detector. Being no idiot, I went in first. Herf got stopped by the metal detector, and an argument ensued about whether or not he would let himself be frisked as I continued on through the foyer.

As I entered the reception hall, I met Blackthorne, who was handing out nametags and collecting money. We’d never really spoken much, so after some pleasantries I went to check out the rest of the room.

I noticed a lively table to the right. One guy in the center of several women, some wearing wedding rings. That was dead giveaway number two of the evening.

“Heya, Lokken.” The women looked up. One was paused in the middle of patting Lokken’s bum. “And you must be Darien.”

“Shralp!” Darien read my name tag. She and Lokken offered their greetings, and just then Satiana walked in. We fell to talking about things poetic while Lokken fended off various sexual advances. He looked like he wasn’t as comfortable with doing so as he’d become in the chat room.

After a bit I excused myself and went searching for ArtEChoke, but I was stopped by a raucous group of teenagers who’d read my nametag from afar. “Shralp, you wanker, glad you could make it.”

“Hiya, Poodle. Or are you Sir Dargon? What’s etiquette? Chat room name or boards name?”

“Chat takes priority,” said an authoritative voice behind me. I didn’t need to read the gilded “Taluntain” nametag to know that this was everyone’s favorite Slovenian. Tal looked me squarely in the eye, “I’ll give you an extra 500 posts, +ops in the chatroom, and any custom avatar you can dream up if you can keep that guy from wrecking the place.” He pointed.

“Oh, hi, Kevlar. Didn’t see you there.” Sure enough, the Belgian was sitting next to Sir Poodle alongside Thalantyr, Zaragoth, and assorted teen SPers. “I don’t think the whole room could keep that one toned down, Tal,” I responded. Taluntain sighed and made a beeline for the bar in the center of the room.

“Good to see you, Zaragoth, Thal. Tough trip getting here?” I asked.

“Nah,” Kevlar piped up. “People don’t bomb our planes.”

Ten minutes later, as I was wiping Kevlar’s blood off of my hands (using what remained of his socks), there was a roar behind me. “Shraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalp!” I was gripped in a huge bear hug.

After a second or two, I resumed breathing and turned to face my attacker. “Extremist! How did you recognize me from behind? Is my rear that popular?”

“No, you’re not Lokken. But who else would be pummeling Kevlar?” the Croatian asked. “Aside from every female in the joint, I mean.”

“Most everyone, I would think. But c’mon. Let me buy you a drink.” We settled in to a couple of seats, sent a shot of tequila up to Kitiara in the cage she was dancing in above the bar, and turned around to see who else was there. Some cleric was offering dollar bills to Kiti as she danced.

Over in the corner, Shadow Goddess was talking to Gash about Canada. Gash kept looking over her head and trying to make eye contact with us so we’d save him. Extremist laughed as Shadow Goddess launched into a lecture on how wonderful her country’s health care system is.

The largest gatherings were around Baldak and Erran’s tables, where a few die-hard D&D types had brought out pouches of dice and had already subdued most of Faerun. Baldak’s rough, calm voice contrasted with Erran’s light tones to create a din that rivaled the teen table in vitality.

Then there was one table where a guy just kept saying "heh" to himself the whole time.

After a few rounds and a lot of BS, I suddenly realized who was missing. “Where the heck is ArtEChoke?”

Extremist craned his head around. “He was here earlier. Try out by the pool. I’m going to administer last rites to Kevlar.”

I wandered out back, followed by the sounds of Extremist mumbling in Latin. The pool was empty, but there were shouts and laughter coming from the opposite side of the deck. As I walked closer I could make out what had to be ArtEChoke’s gleeful yell, “ADULT SWIM! ADULT SWIM!” as a shapely lass at his side laughed.

I paused a good distance away. “Hey, you! ArtEChoke! F$ck you!”

“Shralp! It’s adult swim! Get in the pool!” ArtEChoke laughed. Then he and Xenecor whispered together for a moment, stood, and started toward me. Xenecor circled around to cut off my retreat. Suddenly I felt rather menaced. Deciding that acquiescence was, in fact, the better part of valor, I valiantly dove into the pool before I could be thrown in.

After the peanut gallery got done laughing (and I dried out), we rejoined Extremist at the bar, where he was telling Arcanum stories and insisting that nothing to do with Team BG was ever his fault. ArtEChoke leaned over and tapped my shoulder. “This you gotta see.”

I looked in the direction he was indicating to see a 20-something blonde walking towards us. I made out her nametag just as she saw mine. “Shralp!”

“ClubMonkee!” I almost fell off my stool to get to her and sweep her in a bear hug. “You really are female!” At that point ArtEChoke and Xenecor almost fell off their stools in laughter.

ClubMonkee drew back, slapped me in the face, and then hugged back. “You’re a jerk.”

“I know. Join us for a round.”

After a bit Taluntain returned from presiding over Kevlar’s funeral. “I,” he began as he seated himself, “would give half of Europe to be able to !bounce someone right now.”

“Tal’s kingdom for an Elminster!” ArtEChoke yelled as he climbed up on his bar stool. The cleric under Kiti’s cage grinned, walked over, and tucked a bill into ArtEChoke’s pants.

“Dance!” ClubMonkee shouted. The echoes were picked up by the rest of the crowd. Soon, even the D&D gamers joined in, and ArtEChoke began gyrating like a mad man.

At that everyone shouted “Stop!” in unison. Xenecor pantomimed going blind.

. . .

Hours later, after the teenagers had passed out, Shadow Goddess had been retrieved by her parents, and Sir Belisarius had figured out the right mixture of alcohol to get the proper fireball effect as he spat it out over a lit match, the D&D games started to wind down, and the players gathered their dice to leave. We all said our last goodbyes and headed out.

On the way, we passed Herf, who was still refusing to let the bouncer frisk him.

[Edited because Capstone rightfully made me feel guily about some of the language. ]

[This message has been edited by Shralp (edited January 02, 2002).]

[ September 09, 2002, 11:46: Message edited by: Taluntain ]

 

Ok, 1. Stop insulting Canada 2. Stop thinking that my parents are gonna know about this "reception" thing.

 

good story. where was BHuntR in all this mess? I can't believe I missed a party. I'm must be getting soft. heh

 

Heh. I know where I was at.

!roll 1d20+5

 

LMAO! That was great Shralp!

One thing puzzels me tho: who on earth was the guy sitting at the table just saying 'heh' to himself the whole time?



[This message has been edited by Wildfire (edited October 19, 2001).]

 

I did not think the way you portrayed me was right but very funny.....for a wanker...

 

Oh My God!! That is the funniest thing I've read in AGES! LMAO!

Shralp, you rule!!

/nick Wildfire_ "Heh."

 

Shralp... I have only one word for you

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Ok. Let's continue the reception from *our* point of views.

Shadow Goddess, ranting about how great her country's health care system was, caught Gash's eye over her head. Shadow Goddess turns around and sees Extremist laughing at her.

"Extremist!!!" With that, Shadow Goddess goes and hugs Extremist even though it looked pretty weird having a 5'1" hugging someone way taller.

"Shralp, how's it going... still insulting Canada?" says Shadow Goddess shaking his hand.

Turning around, Shadow Goddess spots Kitiara dancing in a cage and Mathetais offering money. She rushes over and says hi to Kitiara and says to Mathetais lamely, "You know... my parents haven't paid me my 40 bucks yet... Could you supply?"

*~*~*~*~*~*~
A few hours later, Shadow Goddess makes her way to the door, but seeing Herf fighting with the metal detector, comes over and gives him some diplomatic help: "Yo Herf!" and goes out the door.

[This message has been edited by Shadow_Goddess (edited October 19, 2001).]

 

ok ok have to add... um i am NOT a teenager...lol

And ahem i hope im getting paid well for the cage dancin *giggle*

 

Belisarius...Makes a funny face: "Needs more tequila! Mmmmm, that's it!


Excellent job Shralp! Funny as hell!

 

Mathetais makes sure the Kitiara is getting very well paid for her cage dance.

Looking at Shadow's slim, but muscular shoulders, he shrugs and puts $40 US in her belt. "Oops, bad habit"

Looking around the room, the hot cleric felt old ...

Smiling at Bel, he added ... try some Yukon Jack ... that might add some balance to the fireball ...

Then he turned to Capstone and said, "Yeah, I know you think I'm tainted, but trust me, I'm not as bad as I seem. But I like you. You remind me of myself, and I've been missing me ... so I think I'll hang out with you a little more!"

[This message has been edited by Mathetais (edited October 19, 2001).]

 

"Heh"

 

You forgooooooot meeeeeeeee!!! Oh well. Guess I haven't been in SP THAT long.... We'll fix that sooner or later.

Very funny...!!

 

Heh! I didn't even say anything about the language Shralp... but it's all good.

Remind me to post a fire-and-brimstone sermon for you all sometime.

 

Dont worry Tiamat, I guess that you and I are some of the assorted teen SPers at Poodles table. So we ARE in it we just dont play any big role.

 

And guess who financed it all with his wealth. *sigh*

When are we gonna meet for real anyway?

[This message has been edited by Nobleman (edited October 22, 2001).]

 

Thank you all my friends

Well I'll write something for myself:

Suddenly, someone entered. A large boy with semi-long hair entered, he weared some strange large shirt that belonged to the hardrock and fantasy scene at the same time, above a grey sweater. His large wide dark green pants came to the ground, his shoes could be easily recognized as Army boots, probably even with Steel Toes (steel nose it should be) Everybody was silened and looked in his direction. Then he spoke, his voice sounded joyful, like the sound of many bells. Heya!

"Marnix!" some people shouted. You are late! The answer was clear and expactable: Yeah, had to sport first, and after that I had some more parties. Anyone want's some Marijuana?! Kitiara suddenly stopped dancing and rushed to Marnix. After taking the drugs, she hugged Marnix. A scream was heard and a blond girl ran to Kitiara and Marnix. She pulled Kitiara at her beautiful red hairs and screamed: She's mine, I am only allowed to hug Marnix! Marnix sighed: "I wish Jerry Springer was here" He put both hands in his bag. In the left one, a large knackebord appeared. Tazmin stopped fighting and took the knackebrod and begun to eat. Kit was already relaxing cause of the joint, but the bottle of whiskey conforted her even more. "You two, stay out of each other and behave" Marnix said.

Marnix hugged the ladies and walked towards Mathetais and greeted him with the words: "Welcome, my brother in faith!" Think about this while I fix some problems: What would Relevation 22:20 mean when there was no connection between Jesaja 53 and Matheus 24:14? A squishing sound did us all know that Math started with thinking.

Now Marnix looked troubled. He wanted a Party! But the environment was rotten by Wildfire and Lokken, who where discussing about the differences and odds between the en the =) smileys. Marnix sighed again. "Kids", he said. Both looked at Marnix. "Just 2 hours walking to the east I encountered a Internet Cafe. Open 24 hours a day. Wildfire and Lokken stopped discussing. "Let's go!" they sceamed and rushed out of the door. Lokken could just scream: "See you all on the chat!"

Marnix looked at Darien and said: "49? 50 already?" Well you don't look bad.... Darien smiled........ FOR AN AMERICAN BWAHAHAHA!

After telling some jokes about Belgians, Kevlar suddenly told he also would go home. Marnix looked already much happier!

Marnix encountered Blackthorne and gave him a gangster-style homey-hand and they had a discussion about the pros and cons of USA and the Netherlands and for the rest the talk was a very low level small talk.

"Stop ignoring Gash", Marnix suddenly screamed to some people that where looking at the suddenly very interesting light that hang above them, while Gash tried to start a conversation.

On the Bar, there was a fat guy. "Another Bratwurst und ein beer!" he screamed. "Ragusa, wurstfresser!" Marnix yelled. "Hi Marnix" said Ragusa with his mouth full. Wending to the bartender he said: "And some cheese for this guy please!"

Marnix ordered a large Grolsch and thought: It's about time to party. He discussed shortly with Zaragoth and then selected on of the 10 cd's he took with him. All others looked at Marnix with fear in their eyes. "Please, at least no Savatage!" Artchoke, who's hair and parts of his pants where still wet, appearantly due to the adult swiming, said.

Suddenly Marnix saw Sniper, sitting on a chair, looking forward. His look was rather sad. "What's up Snipe" Marnix asked? "Hi Marnix," Sniper replied. "My band split up. It's always the same, when bands become famous they split up." However Marnix doubted if this band else ever would became famous, he gave Sniper a pats on his shoulder. "But you change this place into a real party place! Let's learn those guys what real parties are!" Sniper looked at Marnix: "what your plan?" Marnix told him: You can play Guitar, Zaragoth is an excellent drummer, Kitiara has a great voice, even after a joint and some whiskey... Herf can do some grunts he learned from his favorite band Slipknot and then we got a perfect band." They all thought it was a good idea.

Half and hour later, Marnix went to the bar and ordered another large Grolsch. He looked happy. The band was playing and everybody was jumping and crowdsurfing, and throwing with beer.. except for one. I go back to the dancefloor, Marnix told Ragusa who just ordered some more Sausages and cans of beer. I hope that when you leave, the door isn't too small for you.

Marnix went back to the dancefloor. "This is a party," he thought. "A real party. Sometimes you have to spent some time and troubles to reach it, but it is definetly worth it. He put his let arm around Kitiara (math looked doubtful for a while but then started to think again about the religious question) and his right arm around Tazmin.

In this formation he danced until deep in the night. Early in the morning everyone went back to home, all feeling very confident about last night. Only Lokken and Wildfire would never return to home. Ages later, they found two skeletons, far to the east of this place. Both putted there lasts on paper. On one of them was heh , the other only =)

Thus it ends, I hope you enjoyed this

(I didn't read all in this toic carefully so some things aren't totally right when you looka t the updates of the story (kit in cage and Kevlar dead) so see it as an update on Shralp his part and not on the rest )

[This message has been edited by Headbanger (edited October 23, 2001).]