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Two side of a medal (Fantasy, Greyhawk)

Discussion in 'Creativity Surge' started by Ofelix, Nov 30, 2003.

  1. Ofelix

    Ofelix The world changes, we do not, what irony!

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    Note: It's the first time I write fantasy novel plus in english so please be give me your comment?


    'Where I am? What is this place? Where are my friends?' asked to himself, Cyrus Degrandemaison, a pious Paladin of Mayaheine. He was shrouded by a mist that smelled sulphur. In a room he knew for long, but it was different now. No light passed through the windows, papers, quills, bottles, and dust where scattered in the room. 'Yes, I recognise this room! It is so different now' yes it was his room for so long. He sat on his bed; he couldn't understand what he was doing in his bedroom. But it is really his bedroom? How could he know for sure? ‘That mist…I recognise it also it was on the battlefield of Veluna I was also there…just before I awaked there’ who has brings me here, for what purpose?’ For the first time since Cyrus awaked, he noticed a medal on his bed; one side had a devil’s skull the other’s angel’s wing. ‘A medal?’ When he grabbed it he felt a great evil on it, like if the medal was alive. ‘What is this evil I sense?’ ‘Oh but you know for sure don’t you?’ a mysterious voice echoed though the chamber. ‘Who…who are you?!’ Cyrus was panicked; he was so near the edge of madness that he heard voice. ‘Cyrus…Cyrus…Don’t tell me you forgot?’ ‘Forgot what?’ he didn’t want to respond but he couldn’t do otherwise he was too terrified. ‘I have loitered in your shadow for too long! Don’t play childish game with me!’ The voice wasn’t mysterious anymore it was more threatening. Cyrus regains his courage, he ignored the voice. ‘Have you lost your tongue fool?’. He still ignored to voice. ‘So…you really forgot? No I don’t think so; I think you just never learnt’ this time Cyrus was too curious to ignore him ‘I didn’t Learnt what?’ he answered almost on an aggressive tone. ‘You’ve recovered your tongue now? Maybe if I showed myself you’ll finally understand’ the mist began to be thicker, all the mist gathered in a single spot to create a gaseous humanoid form. Slowly the gaseous shape was transformed into a human being. Cyrus was shocks; the “thing” was him, a complete duplicate. ‘Do you understand now? I am you…you are me’ the duplicate slowly walk near Cyrus. ‘It can’t be true! You can’t exist!’ ‘I don’t exist? Truly?’ Cyrus desperately walked to the door, but it couldn’t be open. ‘Now, now Cyrus haves you forgot your oath also? What happened to the pious knight that never feel fear and fight evil?. ‘My oath? I never betrayed my oath! I am still a holy servant of Mayaheine! The duplicate was still moving slowly in the direction of Cyrus. ‘Is that so? Have you never condemned your troops to a certain death only to save yourself? Have you never sold soul to the devil for more wealth and power?’ Cyrus was frightened how come he knew? ‘You’re…you’re lying!’ ‘Truly? Then why your Goddess, have taken away your divine power? Then why you are terrified?’ Cyrus couldn’t take this anymore he falls on the floor desperately crying. ‘No…! no…’ ‘ Now you understand do you? You’ve lost all your power and now your becoming…me you’re evil side’
    Cyrus nearly feinted, he was still crying… ‘You’ve exchanged your wing of angel for the skull of the devil…
     
  2. Valkyrie Gems: 7/31
    Latest gem: Tchazar


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    Great! The last sentence was a nice touch; referring to the medal. Cyrus is a fallen (or falling, I suppose) paladin? I like the idea, it makes for a good story. Write more!
     
  3. The Kilted Crusader

    The Kilted Crusader The Famous Last words "Hey guys, watch THIS!" Veteran

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    Sorry Ofelix, but would you mind splitting it up a little, it's easier to read that way.
     
  4. Ofelix

    Ofelix The world changes, we do not, what irony!

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    I'm not confortable either with english and sorry but I didn't realize it would be harder to read.
     
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