Unseen

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Those who have read the start of my first story "On Rylock's Tail" will recognise the main character. I decided not continue the last story because I felt it was not very good and was getting nowhere so i have finally got round to writing another one called "Unseen" still featuring Rylock.
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The silence of a gothic corridor was broken with the sound of running feet. These feet belonged to commander Galun Rylock of the Ten Towns. He was dressed in a long robe of black covering a shirt of chainmail and two scimitars sheathed on either side of his belt. Through on his back a bow and a quiver was visible. He approached the large double-door at the end of the corridor and one of the guards, realising who he was, opened the doors for him. Rylock entered and in the room were nine people surrounding a large round table. One of them spoke to Rylock as he caught his breath.

“We, the Nine Celestials, have foreseen that a small raiding party of warg-riders are approaching us,” stated the most elderly of the nine, Kilorn.

“Where?” asked Rylock

“Ochoa Hill,” said Furan another Celestial.

“They are approaching fast, hurry,” said Kilorn. “May Tempus be with you.”

Rylock turned and hurried to the barracks to round up some men.

About an hour later the small army was assembled a few hundred metres from the foot of Ochoa Hill and the scouts were returning.

“Scouts reported a small army of goblin warg-riders are coming this, sir,” said the leader of the scout pack of the ten towns. “What should we do?”

“So, the nine celestial have foreseen the truth. Have 40 archers conceal themselves in the trees there and there, Captain Fariel” replied Commander Galun Rylock, gesturing to two small patches of trees. “20 to each patch. The army itself will wait here. On my mark, shoot, got it.” The young captain nodded his head and made his way to the trees followed by the desired number of archers.

The army was ready and not a moment to soon at least 200 warg riders erupted from over the hill and hurtled themselves towards the army. They were advancing at a considerable pace.

“Steady, pick a target,” Rylock raised his hand before sharply letting it drop to his own bow when the warg riders where in the desired spot in a signal off fire. The forty concealed archers let loose and the remainder of the army followed. The warg-riders were extremely confused and in a short while were wiped out.

Cheers of victory erupted from the army of the ten towns.

“No casualties, sir” said Captain Fariel running from his hiding place.

“Good, recover any arrows you can and lets go home,” replied Rylock. “I suppose it was to be a raiding party.” Fariel nodded.

After a while the army had collected all the arrows they could and turned back towards the ten towns. Suddenly, a horn was blown. Rylock turned to the hill looking up saw many, what appeared to be goblins and orcs. A second horn was sounded, followed by a third and a fourth, at each sight of where the horn was sounded from a great number of orcs and goblins. Rylock stared up at the mass of more than three thousand orcs and goblins with a small number of snow trolls as well. The army of the ten towns got back into position, but only then did they se the full scale of the opposing army. Over seven thousand compared to the ten towns army of only one thousand men and five hundred elves.

“This is no raiding party it’s an invasion army. The warg-riders were scouts. How could the celestials not have seen this. May the gods save us all,” said Rylock with a large amount of fear in his voice, at this nearby soldiers who looked up to Rylock began to weep and some turned and fled.

A huge roar erupted from the orc army as the screamed and shouted; they began to batter there swords and shields together, creating a vast noise over the spine of the world. The orcs stopped abruptly and with a huge bellow of screaming voices charged towards the army of the ten towns. Some of the back few fled and the others bravely but probably foolish refuse to give.

“Listen up,” shouted Rylock above the whimpering of his men. “Orcs are not disciplined if we hold we could win, but if you want to go, just go.” The men looked at each other and screamed ‘for the Ten Towns.’

“You’re with me on this one, right Yuran,” Rylock said to the aged Battle-Priest on his right hand side.

“Tempus will show us they way,” replied Yuran. “So, yes, for the ten towns and for Tempus, and also for you my old friend.” Rylock smiled, it filled him with confidence knowing that the Battle-Priest of Tempus was along side him fighting with him.

“My dear friend I am glad to hear it,” replied Rylock before screaming the order to fire as he saw the enemy getting quite close. “FIRE” He notched his own bow and repeatedly firing his own bow.

Regardless of the archers efforts this seemed to have no effect on the enemy’s vast army despite slaying many orcs and goblins. Yuran’s magic was having the same results as the archer’s bows and arrows. Rylock went for another arrow before realising is quiver was empty.

“We’re out of arrows sir,” shouted Fariel to Rylock.

Rylock quickly looked around, “Spearmen, swordsman charge.”

The trained men followed there orders and ran towards the goblin mass.

The charging men got close to the goblins, but suddenly the front rank of the goblins fell to the ground and a mass of archers were released from the vastness, slaying all of the swordsman and spearmen in the confusion before turning there attentions to the remainder of the opposing army.

“How can goblins know that sort of strategic manoeuvre,” puzzled Rylock.

“They can’t, they are not intelligent enough, it must have been produced by something of a higher intelligen..” Yuran was cut off after being hit by an arrow

“Yuran! YURAN! NO!” Rylock shouted. “Everybody charge.”

Rylock drew his two scimitars from behind his back and with the rest of the army charged.

With a crash of swords and shields the armies met. Rylock instantly killed two goblins and an orc with his first flurry before releasing another attack, his blessed scimitars cutting through the orc armour with ease. Rylock took down two more but he began succumbing to the mass of goblins and orcs. Still, he kept fighting. Rylock’s allies were falling fast but they’ll held there ground and continued fighting. Rylock was having trouble with a particular large orc, a captain probably. Rylock threw a slashing strike but the captain smashed one of Rylock’s sword out of his hand with his club and the scimitar fell to the ground. Rylock was left with one. With his free- hand he grabbed the orc’s club-wielding hand and took the orc captain’s head clean off with a single strike with his remaining scimitar.

Then a troll stood in front of Rylock and began swinging violently with it’s claws but Rylock was experienced in fighting trolls and took one of it’s arms off and thrust a dagger, produced from his belt, into the Troll’s belly and with another slash sliced the troll clean in half. Rylock took a bottle of magical flaming oil from his pouch and threw it onto the disabled troll, to stop it regenerating, it screamed in agony before turning to dust. Suddenly, Rylock fell into the blackness of unconsciousness after being struck on the head by a club and he knew no more.

 

Nice bit of action to get the story going. I'll enjoy your next part. (its Dave )

 

Very nice indeed, I'm looking forward to the other part. But work a bit on your conversations.

 

Very nice, well done.

 

Cheers for the support. I think that this part could be not as good as the first part but bear with me.

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Rylock opened his eyes and took a minute to adjust them to the darkness of the room he was in. His heads was aching. After a wile he could more or less see the entire room. He saw a shabby room with a wooden door with a barred porthole in the upper half, around him the room was incredibly dirty and it contained a wrecked table in the middle. A jail cell.

“Where am I?” Rylock blankly shouted as if to communicate with anything and he was surprised to hear a reply.

“A goblin jail cell,” replied a gruff voice.

“Where are you?” asked Rylock.

“On your left” replied the same voice. Rylock turned to his left, but not entirely as he was chained to the wall, and he saw a man with dark hair shackled beside him he had not noticed at first.

“Who are you?” Rylock asked the man.

“I’m Roland Wolfrick. Call me Wolfrick, though. And you might be?” replied the man.

“Galun Rylock. Call me Rylock if you want to.” Replied Rylock. “Hw did you wind up here?”

“I was fishing with a few friends and we were attacked by orcs,” replied Wolfrick. “The other two got away but I was captured and forced to entertain them in the pit. A fighting arena,” added Wolfrick seeing the blank look on Rylock’s face. “What about you?”

“I can’t remember,” replied Rylock. “All I know is I was in a battle and got knocked out they must of found me still alive and bought me here. Wherever here is.”

“I don’t know where we are, shh,” said Wolfrick hearing footsteps coming from outside.

There was a clink of a key turning in the lock and the door opened, and there in the doorframe a large orc stood.

“You,” he said to Rylock. You’re going to the pit. Ha Ha” Rylock was released from the wall with chains still on him by the orc and dragged to a room a good deal down the stone corridor from the jail cell. “When the door opens you will meet you’re doom.” Laughed the orc and slammed the Door behind Rylock.

Rylock stood in the dark room and then the door in front of him opened and cheers erupted. Cheers of cruel sadistic laughter. Rylock stepped into the arena and saw he was in a shallow bowl with spikes on the edges to prevent escape or for use in fighting.

The large orc chieftain stood up, looked down to Rylock and said, “puny human you will face whatever comes through door you can use any weapons you find.”

Rylock noticed the floor was littered with bones and armour and weapons. Rylock picked up the only decent looking armour and a broadsword of the ground. The door across the way opened. Rylock made for the door then a giant warg leaped out towards Rylock but Rylock dodged it and sliced at the creature and cut it along it’s side. The warg came for another attack and leapt towards Rylock but Rylock rolled underneath the leaping fiend and thrust the broadsword in his hand into the creature’s stomach killing it within seconds, the cheers from the crowd stopped.

“Get him out of there.” Cried the chieftain in dismay.

Rylock immediately ran for the door he came in, it opened but before the three orcs on the other side could do anything with a number of slashes he killed them all. He picked up another sword and leather armour shirt, and made his way back to the jail cell.

Rylock met a few orcs and goblins on the way but dispatched them easily. Rylock removed the keys form the guard of the cell after killing him. Wolfrick was extremely surprised and pleased to see Rylock, Rylock released Wolfrick and handed him the sword and shirt. Together they made went opposite of way from the arena as it sloped upwards, checking each room as they went along. Wolfrick opened one and saw four wargs playfully fighting before noticing him. Wolfrick froze. The wargs stalked towards him after catching his scent and Wolfrick replied to this.

“This is not my jail cell,” before shutting the door and running with Rylock along the corridor. They came to a large double-door.

“This must be the way,” Rylock opened the door and looked around he saw the exit to a cave and nothing else in the room. “Come on.”

The two ran in and were instantly blocked by a number of orcs and goblins with the chieftain himself.

“Thought you was going to get away, eh. He he.”

“So we’re not allowed out then. Come on now, please,” said Wolfrick. “NO, ok then”

Wolfrick and Rylock charged towards them but were charged themselves in the process by their opponents. Rylock cut down three orcs and a goblin in the same time Wolfrick killed two. The orcs were surrounding the two and Rylock and Wolfrick tried to kill them as quickly as possible but suddenly a shadow was cast over them as if something was blocking the exit.

The orcs did not heed this, but Rylock did. He saw a robed figure with a quarterstaff in his hands approaching them. The three orcs at the back of the group turned to meet them but were cut down by some unseen figure. The robed figure killed seven of the orcs including the chieftain with a flash of lighting, before taking two more down with his staff. A second figure wearing leather armour burst out from the shadow decapiting three more in one swoop, the rest fled. Wolfrick and Rylock looked up and the two figures.

“Wolfrick, we have found you.” Said the robed figure. “We’ve been searching for two months.”

“Really that long,” replied Wolfrick. “ I lost count of the number of days let alone months.”

“Yes, well you’re free now my friend.” The robed figure noticed Rylock. “Who’s this?”

“Rylock” replied Wolfrick.

The robed man lowered his hood to reveal an old elvish face, the other man revealed himself as another elf yet younger in appearance.

“I am Vasquez,” said the old elf. “A pleasure to meet you Rylock.”

“I am Tobias,” replied the other elf. “So Wolfrick you saved another captive to?”

“No,” replied Wolfrick. “The other way about.”

“In any case we better leave, come on,” stated Vasquez.

The four made there way out of the cave and Rylock looked around they were at the edge of a mountain range Rylock did not recognise.

“Where are we?” asked Rylock. “I need to get to the Ten Towns and fast.”

“We are in the middle of the Spine of the World Mountains a long way away from he Ten Towns,” replied the wizard. “We are going to small village Luyinsia first then we will decide what to do you’ll have to wait. It is our home”

Outside it was snowing and bitterly cold, Rylock and his companions made their way towards the small hamlet of Luyinsia nestled within the mountains.

 

Another great post, hurry up with the next.

 

Here is the 3rd part.

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Although it had finally stopped snowing Rylock’s legs were still aching and after what seemed a lifetime of running the Vasquez halted the company who agreed to stop to rest without question just outside a small patch of evergreen tress covered in snow. Tobias went to collect wood while Rylock collapsed to the ground breathing hard. He was not used to running over mountains but the others, it seemed, had been doing this for a long time.

“So, Rylock,” said Vasquez as though placing him under arrest. “Tell me how you escaped a goblin-filled cave.”

“I suspect that most of the goblins are in the Ten Towns pillaging and looting, as they invaded us a battle commenced beside Ochoa Hill and I got knocked out by some club or something, then captured.”

“Would you care to tell us the full story once we get the fire started,” said Wolfrick as Tobias returned with an armful of potential firewood, Rylock nodded.

The two men and Tobias tried to light the fire but a combination of wind and snow prevented this, at this Vasquez sighed and the ancient elven wizard muttered an incantation before discharging two purple sparks from his fingertips which lit the entire pile and started a lovely magical fire keeping the companions warm.

“So, Rylock,” said Vasquez. “Would you care to tell us they whole tale from beginning to end without stopping unless we wish to ask about something.”

“Ok…” Rylock began. “Well, I was summoned by the Celestials and as I entered the room and looked round at all eight of them.”

Rylock was halted at this point by Tobias. “Who are the celestial?”

“Well the nine Celestial are gifted people with the capability of divine the future not like tell someone’s future but they can forecast any invading parties or anything which would be of interest to the Ten Towns.”

“Nine?” said Vasquez. “You said eight.”

“I think I said the Nine Celestial,” replied Rylock

“No, before that you said ‘I looked around at the eight celestial.’” Said Wolfrick

“He’s right,” said Vasquez, Tobias nodded in agreement.

“I did?” Rylock looked into his memory. He was running down the Celestial corridor and a guard opened the door for him. Yes he got that right. He looked around the room and there were…eight. Drake was missing. “I could I have missed this, you need all nine to get a clear vision that’s why the invasion of the Orcs and Goblins was unseen they could only see the scouts. Dammit. Drake is either the one behind this or he’s dead. But who could have the power to take out a Celestial. No-one known could do it unless he hid his inner power from the Celestial and that also remained unseen.” After this revelation Rylock continued with his story still, however, trying to work out the mystery in his head.

“Well, that certainly explains a lot but I think we should turn in and take three hours each on surveillance Wolfrick would you like to go first?” asked Tobias, Wolfrick nodded in reply.

After a deep slumber which only contained dreams of his wife, Iluana, Rylock was awoken by Vasquez.

“Your turn now Rylock,” said Vasquez. “When the this hourglass runs out wake up Tobias.” Rylock nodded as Vasqeuz turned over the hourglass and lay down to sleep.

Rylock looked around trying to get his eyes accustomed to the dark because the magical fire was providing very little light. After a good ten minutes just staring into darkness Rylock could see in the dark and looked around him and saw his three friends lying sound asleep. After an hour or so on the hourglass, Rylock was beginning to get bored until he heard a twig snap in the trees ahead of him. Rylock stood up and grabbed his broadsword. He stared towards the trees trying to make out any figures, he could not. Nothing happened for about half an hour. Rylock was still on alert though and a good thing to for out from the trees six large, menacing figures emerged each carrying an axe and wearing wolf pelts over a type of armour, Rylock spun is sword in his hand as he called to the others who woke up swiftly and grabbed their weapons, Rylock and Wolfrick with a broadsword each, Tobias with dual short swords and Vasquez wit staff. The intruders stopped advancing and a seventh member emerged from the trees. He was larger than any of the other assailants.

“You are trespassing on the sacred ground explain,” said the large man.

“Well, we were just resting here good sirs,” replied Tobias.

“I do not believe you, you have come to spy on the great chieftain of the Harari Tribe of the North, Vugarr,” stated the figure.

“We do not mean to spy nor intrude on your tribe,” said Vasquez.

“You will die whether spies or not,” said the large barbarian.

“Toro, it is written in the law of Horaro that no blood shall be spilt on the sacred ground of Harari,” said another of the barbarians, the others murmured in agreement. The large one roared in disappointment.

“Fine,” the large barbarian gave in. “You may go but we will check the surrounding area when sun rises in sky if your still year then…” the man ran a finger across his throat and turned around back into the trees.

After this incident the company decided it was best to leave immediately which they did. The company began running again, which was starting to re-affect Rylock’s legs and after a few hours running, when they were sure they were far enough, they all agreed to stop and Rylock threw his sword on the ground and collapsed beside it.

“I reckon we could have taken them,” said Wolfrick breaking the silence of the company. Rylock just smiled.

“We need to get to Kulduhar and the other Ten Towns, quickly,” said Rylock.

“Yes in due time we will but we will need to replenish our supplies then make our way down to Luskan.” Replied Vasquez.

“Luskan?” said Rylock in disbelief. “Luskan? Why don’t we go through the spine of the World it will be quicker.”

“What??” said Tobias as though he did not understand the question. “Through these mountains?”

“Yes, Why shouldn’t we?” asked Rylock.

“These mountains are guarded by more than just orcs which are more foul than any other, trolls and giants and other more terrible things stalk this pas to the Ten Towns like to giant, eh, stalking things.”

“So,” said Rylock.

“We will go to Luyinsia then decide the course,” said Vasquez. “Good enough for you.” Rylock responded wit a slight nod of his head. “We should go to sleep, for tomorrow we will reach Luyinsia.”

This time there was no disturbance in the night though Rylock could not help the feeling that he was being watched and in the darkness he could make out the figure of Toro the barbarian but he did not think too much he assumed that they were being followed to make sure they were not spies. When Rylock was relieved from watch he went to sleep instantly but had fallen into an uneasy slumber. He dreamt of his wife in the Ten Towns, their home had been entered and four orcs entered and a fifth figure of man-shape who attacked Iluana and forced himself onto her, Rylock woke with a start screaming “Iluana.” Vasquez, who was on watch, looked at Rylock in shock.

“You, ok Rylock,” asked Vasquez. Rylock nodded.

“Just a bad dream,” replied Rylock. Rylock turned over.

“Who is Iluana?” Asked Vasquez.

“My beloved elven wife,” replied Rylock in a melancholy tone. “I dreamt was attacked by four orcs and a man-shaped figure.”

“Oh,” said Vasquez. “Try and get some sleep Rylock. You should sleep better tomorrow night in a bed in Luyinsia.”

Rylock did as he was asked and slept dreamless until he was woken by Wolfrick.

“Come, we're going,” said Wolfrick.

The company had another strenuous run the company finally laid eyes on a small village nestled o the side of the mountain, Luyinsia.

 

Very good. Although you should try to work on your punctuation.

 

Very nice, but I didn't like the use of the word 'surveilance', you'd be lucky if someone was using that word in the 1950's, nevermind when this was set.

 

Surveillance is a comonly spoken word in and around Luyinsia i assure you, anyway who's doing this story.

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The four men approached the gate in the wall surrounding Luyinsia. Vasquez knocked hard on the gate with his staff.

“Open up, kind sirs,” bellowed Vasquez.

“No, visitors today, thank you,” said a voice from on top of the wall, the four companions looked up. “The orcs have been moving throughout the past month and we do not want anymore visitors.”

“Listen you stuckup git open up now,” roared Wolfrick. The man looked down at them.

“Wolfrick, long time no seen, eh” said the figure. “Fine, fine hang on. Ill open up.”

The large wooden gate opened and the companions entered the village.

“We should go to the Supply store first and get some better clothes and weapons for you two,” said Vasquez, Wolfrick and Rylock both agreed to this.

“Good idea,” replied Wolfrick.

The four companions made their way down the main street and entered into a large warehouse on the left-hand side. Inside was a huge array of clothes, weapons, armour, equipment, footstock and some more exotic things. The company approached the counter were a dwarf stood behind counting his money. The dwarf looked up and hastily hid his money.

“Hello, good sirs,” he said in a welcoming tone. “I be Tarion this is me shop what can I do for you.”

“We seek replacements for these two’s current possessions.” Said Vasquez, as he gestured towards Rylock and Wolfrick. Tarion looked at them in an intrigued manner.

“Hmmm,” said Tarion jumping off his stool and running round his counter towards Wolfrick and investigating his equipment and found nothing of spectacular interest and then Tarion turned his attention to Rylock. “Hmmm, can I see this weapon?” Rylock handed Tarion his broadsword. Which Tarion examined with the utmost care and attention. Running his fingers over the blade and spinning it around in his hand before looking up at Rylock with a look of astonishment on his face, he turned to his counter and began pouring a liquid over it.

“Hey what are you doing?” said Rylock in an outburst of anger.

“Cleaning it, restoring it to its original state so I can examine it better. It will go back to before I did this but this is just to examine this weapon, boy.” After finishing pouring the magical liquid on Tarion rubbed a cloth on it. After this Rylock could see runes beginning to appear on the sword. Tarion read them “Ithlya, abilkya arum.” Tarion looked up at Rylock in bewilderment. “ This is a mighty weapon. “These marks state that this sword is the ‘dancing blade of the north’. A fine weapon, if I may say so. One of the best I have ever seen.” The sword began deteriorating to its original state as the magic of the liquid began to wear off. “ I can restore it for ye. If ye wants.”

“Maybe later, can we look around first?” asked Rylock as Tarion handed him back the sword.

“Aye, do as ye wish but ye have to buy something before ye leave, store policy,” replied Tarion with a smirk on his face. Rylock that was a shabby policy but said nothing and went to look around with Wolfrick as Tobias and Vasquez needed nothing.

After a while of searching and trying Wolfrick had found a shirt off plate-mail and a scabbard for Rylock’s broadsword (which Rylock was going to give to Wolfrick), a belt and trousers. Rylock found a shirt off chain-mail and a long dark robe. Rylock also took a pair of trousers, a quiver, a fine longbow, a long dagger and two scimitars. The company returned to the counter with all of this and paid.

“That is a good weapon, sir,” said Tarion. “It will serve ye well enough.” The company left for the inn.

The company opened the door to ‘The Mountain Ridge’ and where instantly greeted with the noise of lots of conversations and the smell of fresh ale. They sat down as Wolfrick went to get them a round of ales and returned with two, one for Rylock and one for Vasquez, before returning back to pick up the other two glasses.

“What are we going to do,” asked Rylock.

“We will discuss that in the morning, Wolfrick is getting us drinks and rooms. We will get a good night’s rest first,” replied Vasquez.

There was commotion and Rylock turned his head towards the bar Wolfrick was having an argument wit another man.

“Ye spilt me pint ye git,” bellowed the stranger.

“Look, it was an accident,” apologized Wolfrick. “I’ll buy you another one.”

“You’ll be dead, you idiot,” The man raised a sword, produced from a scabbard, and struck down at Wolfrick. His strike, however, was cut short as Rylock fired an arrow through the man’s hand. The man screamed in agony as he dropped his sword and clutched his hand. The arrow had gone straight through.

“Kill them both,” screamed the man in agony and four large figures responded to this by advancing towards Rylock and Wolfrick. Wolfrick cracked his knuckles while Rylock raised his fists. The men imitated Rylock and two lunged at him. Rylock dodged the first man’s attack and kneed him in the stomach before ducking the second assailants punch and connected an uppercut with the man’s jaw. Meanwhile Wolfrick was busy throwing a punch breaking at one of his attackers jaw before being hit by a chair. After this the whole bar went berserk and erupted into a frenzy and everyone began fighting everyone even Tobias joined in taking on two men at once but took care of them easily. Vasquez, meanwhile, sat and sighed before drinking from his glass. A large, drunken man grabbed Vasquez’s collar with his huge hands and roared a challenge in his face.

“Sod off,” said Vasquez before forcing the man, using a burst of magic, through a nearby table. Vasquez then used a spell to block the sound of the fight out and he sat there in silence, before going back to his drink. “Ahhhh, that’s better.” He was not disturbed again throughout brawl.

Tobias jumped on the man, who had hit Wolfrick with the chair’s, back while Wolfrick kicked him in the shins repeatedly, the man howled before collapsing to the ground. Rylock swept the first man to the ground and forcing the second man to the against the wall, Rylock placed a foot on the man on the ground’s chest and forcing him flat on his back before drawing his scimitars and resting one of them on the man against the wall’s throat and the other towards the crowd of brawlers.

“Everyone, STOP, or I will attack,” cried Rylock at the top of his lungs, the commotion stopped abruptly. “Get back to your cups none of us need to fight. You. Are you fine about your drink?” The man who was the cause of all the fight and had had his pint spilled by Wolfrick, nodded, ferociously. “Right thank you.” Rylock sheathed his scimitars and returned to the table, as did everyone else. “Vasquez, Vasquez.” Rylock waved his hand in front of the wizard. The elf looked puzzled but then smiled and undid his spell of stopping the sound.

“Sorry,” replied Vasquez. “I think we should go to bed,” the others agreed.

The four companions ascended the stairs and went to their separate rooms.

Rylock’s room was small, but practical it had a window overlooking a green valley, a nice view, thought Rylock, as it overlooked a beautiful forest, a small bed, a wardrobe and a small bedside table, not worth the 10 gold per night, which was paid for them. He climbed into his bed after locking the shabby looking door and removing his clothes, armour and weapons. Rylock fell into a deep sleep. He, for once did not dream of his wife suffering which gave him some relief. He dreamt of something else involving Illuana which I will not go into.

 

I thought you would value the critism, but if you want your fella's to say words that wouldn't have been even thought of then you do that, and when was the last time you saw anyone draw a sword on someone who'd spilt their beer?

 

I agree with Morningstar. Also are you sure that you are using a word processing program as there are many gramatical errors in your story

 

When is the next part coming? I'm eager to read more.

 

This part is rather short but the next partafter this one should compensate for that
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Rylock awoke early in the morning and looked to his window from his bed, it was still dark outside. Rylock arose from his bed and put on his clothes and armour and approached the window for a closer look. In the dark he could not see the valley but down below he saw a few guards having a cha, each holding a flaming torch and a sword in their hands. Rylock withdrew himself from the window and attached his scimitars in their scabbards. He picked his bow and quiver up and pulled the quiver over his head and carried the bow in his hand and left his room. He made his way downstairs and left the inn.

The street outside was dark and he followed the route, in reverse, which he took yesterday to the store. He purchased some food and water supplies and a second quiver. He left.

He made his way to the city gates where he was stopped by two guards.

“Hold it there laddy where do you think yer goin' at this hour?” asked the gate guard.

“I’m leaving, “ replied Rylock. “Now open the gate and let me pass.”

“I am afraid I cannot let you through sir go back to an inn. You can leave in the morning,” declared the second guard.

“You will open the gate no,” snapped Rylock. “I wish to leave. I care nothing for any dangers.”

The two guards looked at each other before one of them nodded and went to open the gates.

“I hope ye know what you’re doing. Two elfs went over the mountains two weeks ago but they’ve never been heard of since then.”

“Thank you for the warning,” said Rylock before making his way through the gate. He headed towards the Ten Towns over the spine of the world.

Meanwhile, Vasquez, Wolfrick and Tobias were in a deep discussion in Rylock’s room about where he had gone.

“He may have left a note or message with the bartender,” suggested Wolfrick.

“I already checked he didn’t,” replied Vasquez. “Maybe we should try the store.”

The three got up, went downstairs, paid ad left for the store. The got there only to be told by Torgan that Rylock told him that he was leaving for Kuldahar.

“Oh god he’s gone over the spine of the world,” said Vasquez with worry in his voice. “I know it.
“Is he crazy,” shouted Wolfrick. “After all we told him he’s gone over the mountains. We should go after him.”

“Why?” asked Tobias, the other two looked at him. “Fine forget I asked, let’s go.”

The three of them went to the city gates and were told by the guards that they let a man pass through three hours ago and no-one since. They were also told that he had gone over the mountains. The three companions set off after Rylock.

Rylock had run for about four hours judging from the sun before resting beside an icy cold stream. He bent his head to the water splashing it over his face and hair. For the frozen north this was a very warm morning. He took a drink and filled up his three drinking flasks. He stood up and looked around. He had never been here before but could roughly tell were he was going. He bent down for another drink from the water and began walking this time.

He walked for four hours before deciding to rest until nightfall.

He was getting lonely he should of waited on the others. “God’s sake man pull yourself together,” he thought. He fell into the darkness of sleep.

He had a very vivid dream that afternoon involving Furan one of the celestials.

Furan was running through the streets of the city of Kuldahar as though being chased by someone. He paused, looking around him. He felt a disturbance in the alleyways in front and behind him and using his super-human skills scaled a vertical wall and climbing on to a rooftop. He drew a light short sword from nowhere. He looked back down at the ground. E had not jumped at a better moment three orcs emerged from each alleyway and stopped where Furan last was. Furan wiped the sweat from his forehead and turned from the orcs. From nowhere a robed figure appeared in front of him. Nothing could be seen under his hood apart two blazing yellow-orange eyes. A hand extended from the robe and a magical force through Furan off the roof back down to the orcs. The figure slowly walked to the each of the roof and looked down at Furan.

Furan was surrounded by three orcs, for he had already taken down half of them. Furan parried a blow from the biggest of the orcs before thrusting his sword between the orcs ribs. He turned to face his other two assailants. H gabbed one of the orc’s sword as it thrust at him, and hammered his fist into it’s throat crushing it’s windpipe. He held the dead orc’s sword in his hand and as quick as the speed of light took the orcs head off.

The figure watched as Furan killed six of his minions. “It mattered not,” he thought. “Even more were they came from.”

The figure sprang off the roof landing lightly on his feet. Furan turned to face his new foe.

“You cannot win, you pitiful man,” bellowed the figure. “Do you think you have the power to stop me?" I have absorbed five celestials power already, what are going to do?”

“I will do what I must,” replied Furan.

Furan charged at the figure but only to see the figure leap over and appearing behind him. Furan thrust his sword at the figure’s chest only for his sword to be caught between the two hands of the figure, which he shattered into millions of pieces. The figure laughed.

“Give up,” demanded the Figure.

“Never,” bellowed Furan.

Furan threw himself at the man and sent a flurry of unharmed attacks at him. The figure parried all of them with a single hand before sending Furan flying twenty feet backwards with a single open-hand thrust to the chest. The figure advanced on him. Furan tried to get away but the figure held him in a powerful spell. The figure held his hand over the chest of Furan and Furan could feel his entire body being drawn to the figure; he looked and saw the figure trembling as he absorbed Furan’s power. Furan tried to scream but the pain was so tremendous that when he tried to open his move he could not move or make a sound. He watched as the figure began shaking violently but never removing his hand from it’s position. Furan used has eyes to look down at his body seeing it begin evaporating. He fell into darkness. Rylock awoke with a shudder and sweat dripping down his face.

 

A flurry of unharmed attacks... Yeah, I'd say that's a good description of Furan's attempt.

But seriously, I think that you should work on grammar and spelling; revise, revise, revise. And the story seems a tad too tied to D&D; you really shouldn't let the mechanics of another game restrict you. Otherwise, your story looks a tad interesting, if not a bit predictable.

 

i agree with C'Jakob you really nead to work on spelling and your grammar.

 

Just read through you're piece once or twice and make sure you haven't got any mistakes. Also, you kept repeating there names "Rylock did this. Rylock did that." try and exchange it for "he" once in a while. Otherwise, it was good