What Do you Value The Most In A Relationship?

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I've just recently started seeing a guy who lives about an hour away from where I live and I thought the distance would make it hard to keep in touch and so on, but I found that that was not the problem.

The thing that bothers me more is that I start doubting whether he still cares for me when I haven't heard from him for a day or two. I had always thought I wouldn't suffer from this typical girly "does he still love me" syndrome, but I guess I'm just as human as the next girl.

I figured that what really matters most for me is being sure that someone cares for me and that I am special to that someone. That he doesn't judge me and that I shouldn't be afraid of being who I am with him.

If I were to be 100% sure of that, It wouldn't bother me in the slightes that I don't see him very often.

So, what do you think is the most important in a relationship, or what're the qualities you look for in a partner?

 

Comfort, to feel comfortable is the most important for me.

I wish I knew what qualities I truly looked for in a partner, it eases the searching if you know what you are looking for.

 

Trust. Without it, It would never work out.

 

They have to have a sense of humour to date me.

 

Same as with Uytuun and maybe throwing in absolute loyalty, which makes me certain that there is none. Family, law, religion, friends; they all tend to get first priority. Thus -yet again- it is proven that long-term relationships are waste of time.

 

Definitely trust. Not that it's the only important thing, but without it, nothing else matters.

@ Jag:

...plus very poor eyesight and a bad sense of smell.

 

In my mind trust is a part of comfort, you cant be comfortable without trust that is why I wrote comfort as to take the easy way out as it encompass a bit more than trust.

 

Trust: like been said before.
Gender: Should be the opposite as mine.
Christianity: I want somebody with about the same religious conviction as mine.
Humor: Same as Christianity, should be about the same as mine
I.Q.: Should be about the same as mine.

If you have total different senses of humor, I don't think I would feel that nice, and she wouldn't be funny. I want my girl to be funny.

If you have total different IQ's, your interests would probably be different as well. Probably.
I've talked to many different people with many different IQ's and there's often something bothering me, whether it's their interest, their intonation, vocabular, outlook, anything.
Not always of course.

(Okay, I admit: I'm trying to pry out some thought on this)

[ September 15, 2004, 23:18: Message edited by: Master of Nuhn ]

 

Would a difference in IQ matter as much if the woman in question had a significantly higher IQ than you?

 

Well, for me, it doesn't matter that much if I wouldn't see a girlfriend/partner every day. As long as you feel good around the person in question, do stuff and especially talk a lot. I think conversation is the most important value in a relationship. And certainly don't be afraid to express (all) your feelings. If you feel embarrased about that, it certainly isn't the right guy. It's all about trust.

 

@ Master of Nuhn

Why don't you just admit it that you want a female variant of yourself?

 

Yes, definitely. It doesn't matter to me if her I.Q. is higher or lower, as long as the difference is not to big.
But it's not a matter of intelligence per se. It's more like understanding her and making myself understood. It seems to me that stupid people do not understand me and I don't understand intelligent people. Much like Nizidramanii'yt said: Conversation is important.
It's not like I have a 'conversation' with those people, but rather trying to guess what the other person means.

Eh! That's what I thought too when I reread my post. That would actually be boring, not? I like surprises too...

Boy, I really am an exacting person...

 

Comfort: We should enjoy each others company. Sometimes silence can be so comforting.
Space: I am NOT going to be at your beck and call. Get used to it or get lost.
Interest: Its not necessary that she have the same interests as me. That would be boring. Im willing to accompany her when she indulges in her brand of fun. So long as she does not turn her nose up on my own.
Life: Really! If the girl doesn't have a life of her own and constantly keeps bugging me, she is not gonna last long.

 

Connection: It's not just mutual attraction and knowing and/or liking someone. It must be connection on a spiritual level.

Loyalty and trust: My word is holy to me. Circumstances don't really matter. I value the same in a potential partner. No "now I like you, now I don't" games. No playing on the girl's jealousy, ever. And I expect the same. I understand that some past disturbances may have left a spark of love for a good friend or an ex, but some things just don't go and I expect to be the only guy. I never forbid anything - I neither have nor want any such authority - but when the girl seeks *male* company, it saddens me a lot.

Care: Concern. Consideration. A call or a message every now and then to tell me everything's all right and to ask how it goes... I like it when the girl gives a damn about me. Thinking about me when making decisions that concern the two of us. Every relation, no matter the depth and stage of advancement, concerns two people. It's not at one person's disposal. Like Uytuun, I'm not so much concerned with distance or seeing often. If there's care and trust, distance doesn't matter.

Responsibility: For all actions. For all words. I need to be sure the girl treats me seriously. That she won't start flirting when a handsome guy pops up, that she won't second guess herself about me and what she wants from me. That she won't withdraw all of a sudden and leave me on thin ice. That she won't blame me for things we have done together. That she won't turn her back on me. This is very important for me.

[ September 16, 2004, 02:35: Message edited by: chevalier ]

 

I can't be concerned with constant contact. I haven't seen my girlfriend since April and we now live four hours apart .

The most important thing for me is comfort. Someone that you don't have to worry about trying to impress or watching your tongue so as not to alienate her.

Trust: It isn't very good to have to be competing against half the campus to try to win over the girl.

Interests: Should be different enough from mine so as to enable for some variety in the relationship but not so vastly different that we have no common ground.

Attraction: I don't think anyone is going to fall for someone that they do not find to be physically attractive. It doesn't matter what other people think, but you have to be attracted to the person you're with.

Admit it, you're happy if she's still got her original hair and teeth .

 

That's it in a nutshell.

 

1) Total honesty, no secrets, nothing to hide.
2) At least 100% trust.
3) Suficient conversation. (silence is good, sometimes)

PS. I also tend to enjoy a somewhat unpredictable person, I mean, what could be so interesting about a totally predictable person?

I've spent 5 years madly in love with a girl, but she didn't feel the same way. Still, I don't regret it.

I am currently falling more and more in love with a girls (again!)... and the challenge of trying to succed is the most fascinating thing in the world.

 

Attractiveness: This is always the starting point. It's not the most important thing after you get past the first few weeks.

Trust: On both sides. This has never been an issue on my end, though - I don't get into anything I haven't given some thought to first.

Challenge: It sounds odd, but I need someone who is willing to put me in my place, who can and will stand up to me. Strong women, they get me every time - so long as it's inner strength, not aggression, that fuels it.

 

There is no one thing I require but there are multiple things. If they don't meet these then I can never have a relationship with them.

Trust and loyalty. I want them to trust me and I want a reason to trust them.

Stability. Similar to loyalty but I don't want a partner that 'flips out' over accidents or mistakes all the time (sometimes for major events i.e. death of family is fine, but not over dropping a dinner plate). I want someone who can be controlled and calm when bad things happen - because they will.

Attractiveness. What can I say? I have to be attracted to them physically.