What would you do if...

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Well, I wouldn't start a post like this if it weren't for Sniper's old post. If you managed to help him you might be able to help me too.
Anyway, think about this from a girl's point of view, if you can...
OK. If a boy - J. - and a girl - me - were really good friends but they both liked each other in a 'different' way(you know what I mean) but J. was kind of shy and wouldn't say anything what should the girl do?
And how would you boys seriously react if your best friend came up to you one fine day and said sth like 'Hey, you know what, I really really like you and I know you like me too but I just can't wait for you to make the first step because I'm so damn impatient!' I'd really wish to know how a guy would take this. Bad I suppose...

 

You didn't happen to do this to a guy, did you? Cruel . . .

 

That story took me once! When I was younger, ah those days... She was so pretty and I'm ugly so I hadn't the courage to tell her anything... What the hell she saw in me?

Anyway, later it all turned into disaster so I don't know what to say...

And the whole thing is not cruel. Why suffer? Talk of your feelings, otherwise you'll never know if you missed the love of your life! But if the guy is immature and break every contact with you after you tell him about your feelings, then he didn't deserve to be your friend either.

[This message has been edited by Extremist (edited May 05, 2001).]

 

In my (humble) opinion, you should go for it.
(Thumbs up(!) & go go go(!) - and all that...)

Know that if he doesn't feel the same way, however, things between you might become a little awkward...

It happened to both me and a friend of mine. In his case, marriage was the outcome. In my case, well... she's not speaking to me anymore. (Her choice, though - not mine)

 

Bateluer : Nope, I haven't done it to anyone, yet... OK, I'll never do it. I may be impatient but I ain't either stupid or mean enough to.

And, Extremist, it is cruel... Well, actually it's not but it depends on how people think. I wouldn't mind but what if he would? I would justify him for being less friendly towards me after that but I don't think he'd do that. I know him well enough. Then again wouldn't you feel kind of 'betrayed'? Wouldn't you be hurt that the person you trusted now seems not to understand how you feel? Oh ,God , I hate relationships...

 

My dear, relationships are always complicated. The question is do you want to risk your friendship or not? But keep in mind that life goes on no matter what you do.

 

God I wish more girls were like you and would take the initiative. Most of us blokes are a bit dim in these situations and can never read the signs. Consequently we assume that you won't be interetested and so do nothing. Even a slappy like me has missed out on being with someone he really liked becuase he didn't want to 'risk the friendship' only to later lose both - doh.

Even if he proves not to be as keen as you, you might persuade him to give things a try. As you get older you find that being with someone you like as a friend is much more rewarding than just going on looks or whatever. My two closest relationships were with women who I didn't fancy at all to start with! (of course that soon changed)

Anyway, ignore me I'm not the best to give advice on this subject. I suppose you just have to ask yourself - what might I gain, what might I lose (and what can I do to reduce the chances of the loss) and decide if its worse the risk. You might also have a look at some of the devious pick up techniques posted by the women in the recent chat-up post.

As a final thought, I have had a few 'best friends' who were women. To keep things simple I always tried to think of them as just friends. But, to be honest, there wasn't one that I didn't, at some point, hope could be more than just friends.

And now finally for all the blokes reading this - I'd just like to say I'm not a wuss or anything I'm mean and tough really, etc

 

I've tried to make kind of a pros and cons list in my mind but I figured life just doesn't work that way. It's not like maths or science where you have a limited number of possibilities and work with those.

You know, I don't think anything is at risk here. I mean, he gets the little hints and stuff but the first thing he says is 'Oh, I don't know...' Heck, if YOU don't know who does?! He doen't seem to mind either though.

I keep telling myself that things can only go better and that's true. But every time I am determined to say sth more and I've planned everything out, a little voice in my head begs me not to do it and I am stupid enough to listen to it.Has any of you managed to shut that voice up? HOW do you do it?!

Btw, Slappy, it ain't only men's fault. We are ruthless b*tch*s sometimes. Many times, come to think about it . I try hard to avoid it though. Seriously!

P.S. I honestly have no idea why I'm tiring you with this. Must be the fact that I don't know you and probably never will... Thanks for the answers.

 

hi,
Ive been thinking a lot about this kind of thing a lot recently and here are my views: (all of this has been seen in a co-ed boarding school grades 9-12)

Girls seem to be looked on as equals and a girl asking a guy out happens just as often as a guy asking a girl out.

From what Ive seen, the actuall act of asking someone out doesnt work out all that much. Normally 2 people just hang out together more and more until they just kinda realise that theyre going out.

Always act like yourself, whenever someone trys to act different to get a girl (or guy), if it works, the person thinks that he/she is going out with someone who, in truth doesnt exist. When the person goes back to acting normally, chances are they will break up.

well, there are some comments from an observant 14 year old who has never had a girlfreind, so all these things could just be BS and I just interpreted things wrong. I would like to know if these things mirror 'real life' in any way.

--FenixStrife

[This message has been edited by FenixStrife (edited May 05, 2001).]

 

I'd rather the woman take the iniative, I'm pretty shy myself.

 

Personally, ( that means from my point of view ) If you were both best friends, you both would have little or no problems in confiding one another.

So you should therefore have a degree of trust within one another not to blow anything out of proportion etc. Thus, if he is having problems telling you how he feels, then he cannot be completely comfortable with you. My point? I don't know. But what i said before, is in my opinion, rather factual.

Anyway, in this day and age, both sexes should have the liberty of asking who they wish...out. So do not refrain my child, from asking this repugnent little stink whether it would be good enough to go out with one so highly as yourself.

 

Opertunity is a wonderful thing, though it rarely comes around more than once. I think a question here is can you really afford to pass this up? I mean, it is possible this guy could turn out to be the perfect person for you. I know you are risking loosing a friend, but that won't necessarily be the case. I remember once I had a crush on a girl in high school. Eventually I told her how I felt, and it really didn't work out. But we actually became better friends for a while after that (not that I didn't still like her, but that's another story). But still, don't waste an opertunity like this. As a guy, (and a shy one at that sometimes) I wouldn't mind if a girl told me how she felt. Hell, I would welcome it as I am obviously bad at reading signs and sigals and the like. So in conclusion, go for it. IMHO

 

As it so happens, I did that once.

He was a friend of mine in the 7th grade and he use to flirt with me a lot. I really liked him. Big fat puppy love it was!

I pined over him for about three yrs. Yes, that is sad, I know. Then finally our freshman yr in highschool I told him. We talked about it and I was crushed cause he did not feel the same way.

However, he is a lifelong friend now. We are very close to one another and I am happy that things turned out the way they did. I am glad I took the chance at telling him how I felt, and I am glad we were both mature enough not to let it effect us so much that we could not still be friends.

I think it is all in the way the two of you choose to handle it. Sure, it might be akward for a little while, but if he is mature about it you guys might turn into good friends and you will eventually move on.

However, if it turns out that he likes you as you him, then that would be worth taking the chance! IMHO


[This message has been edited by Satiana Fearbringer (edited May 08, 2001).]

 

Yeah, I've decided to go for it today. So you'll know how it goes according to the following:

a)If I keep posting on this board normally then I didn't manage to say it and I'll try again.

b)If all my posts end with 'Life sucks !'
then I told him and it didn't go well...

c)If I don't post for a couple of days then it went really well .

 

Good luck!
Hope next time to see you in about a week

 

Any news?

Notice you were still posting on other threads....

They say no news is good news, but I feel apprehensive asking...

As a late addition, there is def. nothing wrong with taking the initiative being female. Only problem is the same as rest of us (males that is), when you're unsure it's a tough call. Hell, nothing ventured, nothing gained right?

 

Very observant I must say. Well, it's case a) so I'll have to try again Thursday. Something happened and I didn't get a chance to be alone with him so it wouldn't be exactly polite to break the news in front of the whole school. But Thursday is a sure thing. Let's just cross our fingers and wait.

 

njdc hb hvchjs lkja ..... sorry, i attemted it, but i can't support you 'till Thursday. It's too hard for me to use the keybord with crossed fingers.

 

LOL Bogi ! Thanks. And since I am a very kind and understanding (hmmm...) person I will allow you and ONLY you to leave your fingers uncrossed. All the others back to work!
* A sly smile forms on my face as I raise my whip 'kindly' to punish those not obeying my orders. *

 

Thursday it is then. Everything crossed..

*Ouch* (Maybe not whilst driving!)