Where's Your Sign?

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I got this in my inbox a few months ago, and I thought it was worth sharing...

From Andy Rooney:

Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid."
That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...oops...never mind, didn't see your sign."

It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My neighbor comes over and says, "Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."

A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big old stringer of bass and
this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?" "Nope. Talked them into giving up. Here's your sign."

I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it. "Alright, Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good... They want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you." "Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it."

Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my
truck, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go flat?" I couldn't resist. I said, "Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign."

We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then says, "Darn that's hot!" See, if he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.

I learned to drive an 18-wheeler in my days of adventure. Wouldn't you know, I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck got stuck and I
couldn't get it out, no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report. He went through his basic questioning...okay...no problem. I thought for sure he was clear of needing a sign...until he asked, "So, is your truck stuck?" I couldn't help myself! I looked at him, looked back at the rig and then back to him and said, "No, I'm delivering a bridge... here's your sign."

I stayed late at work one night and a co-worker looked at me and said, "Are you still here?" I replied, "No. I left about 10 minutes ago. Here's your sign."

Anybody you know need a sign today? The next time someone says something stupid ask them where their sign is.

~Well, I thought it was funny...

 

It's ... funny

But all those people just wanted to be friendly, except that shark guy and exhaust pipe "toucher".

But, yes many people say stupid things when they want to say (and they do) even if they don't have something to say.

And what really annoys me are those overfriendly types: Yesterday, i was driving in train to school and one guy approaches and says: "I thought i was going to miss my stop, there were two grannies and they couldnt stop talking." I say: "Yeah, i know how it is." But after that he starts yappin like some old, abandoned gandpa that is badly in need of some attention (Guy had around thirty)! Luckly, he exited on the first station!

Sorry 'bout spelling, i got 404 on spellchecker! BTW, i need expert oppinion, how is my english?

 

You're english is VERY good. Not like coughsorryPadeencough. Heh. And the sign thing was funny. Some individuals in our class should definitely wear some.

 

It's actually not by Andy Rooney, it's by Bill Engvall. He's a southern humourist, and that particular skit is also on the radio, set to country music. But, his stand-up is very funny, and better than the Jeff Foxworthy type of humour (which still isn't that bad). He's one of those comedians that tends to make jokes that go over the head of the bulk of his audience...

 

Good...in a sarky kind of way.

Those kind of people annoy me

 

Aargh! There are just to many of these people.

I work in a toy-store called Intertoys, and we had (lucky me not anymore!) to wear fluor-pink shirts with an elephant om the chest and on the back were the characters: I-N-T-E-R-T-O-Y-S. Made me kinda feel like I was not just a regular guy in the shop.

Question for you: What, do you think, is the most asked question I have to answer?

Beware! You have only one try and if you answer wrong, you make a good chance to become The Idiot of the Week, SP's own sign for morons and lowbrains.

 

Love that!

A few years ago I was down the pub one afternoon. My then girlfriend phoned up and asked to speak to me. (NOT on mobile - didn't have one in those days, she'd phoned the pub).

So when she opened up with the immortal phrase: "Where are you?" I thought I should explain to her that she'd phoned the pub and there I was. Strangely we could thus surmise I was in fact: In the pub. Bit of a no brainer really.

She should have had a sign for that one.

 

Guess - "Why do you wear pyjamas to work?"

Like the first post though. Can't think of any of my own experiences now.

 

MoN:
my guess is: "Do you work here?"
(got to be dutch to know the dutch)

 

I'm sure to get Idiot of the Week this time!! OK, um..."What's your name?"

 

That's odd... saw this different TV special that had a piece of beef with a sharksuit on it. Then they just checked it for rips and chunks missing.

But I agree with those other ones. I laughed out loud at 'I'm delivering a bridge.'

 

That's got to be one of the funniest things I've ever read! That was hilarious! I woke my b/f up I was laughing so hard!!!

 

It was pretty funny. But the sad thing is that I know people who have that attitude irl. The most common way to start a conversation is to say something neutral and blatantly obvious that's easy for all people to grab. This type of thinking undermines those people, and has really nothing to do with the people's intelligence. OF course, this is to say the obvious.

I myself have been a target of this numerous times, and it was a painful lesson to learn that some people are indeed just idiots you have to fight against with their own means. It's not fun to work or study when you have to be on your toes at all times.

 

Hmm, I didn't know that being on idiot-watch was such an art. Still though, I know of people like this, most specifically in high school, but I had the mental capacities to stay far, far away from them.