Wicked Freestylin'? Evil is more like it

Remove all ads!

Hey people, this is a challenge I took up about killing everybody on sight where possible. Stats are 9/6/6/6/6/6 and just know that he is a Male Human Fighter with the Darth Vader voice set. It's about a chaotic evil Darth Vader and rapper wannabe trying to sell his freestylin' skills in the world of Toril.


PROLOGUE

Darth Wannabe wakes up in a dark and dank dungeon. A dude in purple pants is standing outside his cage. "What is he trying to pull here?" wondered Darth Wannabe. Everybody knows that purple pants is sooo pre-Dale-Reckoning. "'Sup yo?" says Darth Wannabe in his best DJ Jazzy Shralp impersonation. The dude answers, "You have much untapped power," and Darth Wannabe is zapped with lasers and magic and passes out.

Upon hearing much commotion, Darth Wannabe finally wakes up from his dreamy sleep. In comes a guy from nowhere, appearing to be running away from something... or somebody. One "AAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" and BAM!, roasted chicken. Awed at the power, the only thing he could utter was "Smokin'...". From a corner of his eye, he sees Imoen walking in. "Yo Immy, ma gurl, what are you doing in this pad?" asks Darth Wannabe. "Whoo," says Imoen, "he must have messed around with your head, and mine too, though yours seem worse." Darth Wannabe just shrugs, not being able to find a retort that would sound cool. Imoen unlocks his cage, not knowing that she is unleashing an evil force, so evil that it's cool. Darth Wannabe takes a step out of his cage, prompting him to laugh menacingly, "MUAHAHAHAHA! I am free! Free to freestyle in every tavern and pub in Aber-Toril!" Imoen, having being brought up with Darth Wannabe from childhood, knows just how bad his freestylin' skills are, and regrets releasing him. "So this is what Gorion warned me about. To think that all along I had thought he was an offspring of an evil god," mutters Imoen to herself "No use crying over spilled milk." Darth Wannabe surveys the area around him and sees a homie in blue. "Now that's style." says Wannabe. He walks over to the man and is slightly surprised to see that the man is actually Minsc. "Do-gooder, such people don't deserve to be flowing wit' the groovy crowd," says Darth Wannabe while showing off some of his b-boying skills. Darth Wannabe walks past Minsc and sees Jaheira. "Yo wassup mah sweet tree-huggin' gurl, you wanna get jiggy wit' me?" asks Darth Wannabe. "Release me from my cage first. There should be a key some where. I swear, travelling with you is never dull." replies Jaheira while Immy rolls her eyes. "Hmmph, competition." mumbles Imoen. While Darth Wannabe is away looking for the keys, Imoen stares coldly at Jaheira. "The guy is mine. I don't want your pointy ears anywhere near him, m'kay?" says Imoen to Jaheira to which she replies with a smooth, almost singing voice, coupled with a Brandy impersonation, "I'm sorry that you, seem to be confused, he belongs to me, the boy is mine," Imoen whispers furiously to Jaheira, "but you already have Khalid!" "Hey," Jaheira replies, "I must have balance, one for my elf side, and one for my human side." Unable to contain her anger, Imoen readies her magic missiles to be unleashed upon Jaheira, when Darth Wannabe comes plodding back. "Yo hootchie mamas, I brought back some armour and weapons. And for you, my hot and sexy tree-hugging druid, the key to your cell." Coolly Darth Wannabe flips the key in his hand and unlocks the cell that contains Jaheira, all in one smooth motion. "Well that is a relief, and about time too, lest our 'host' be coming back. I must see the sun again. Let us go,"
Now Darth Wannabe ain't gonna let anybody step on his shoe, even if it was the hottest babe that ever lived. "You are welcome as long as you remember that I am leader. We do as I will." says Darth Wannabe. "This place has hardened your manner. I do not remember you being so quick with a cold remark. Lead on as you wish, but do tread carefully, will you?" replies Jaheira. A smirk formed on Imoen's face, knowing that Jaheira had just made an own goal. "Imoen 1, Jaheira 0." thought Imoen.

That's all I can bear to write now so tell me, should I go on or should I stop, knowing that I won't make it in the writing business.
Feedback welcome.



[This message has been edited by RythmicBarbarian (edited November 10, 2001).]

 

Disturbing to say the least. Hehe.

I'd like to see how this one comes up, i'll keep reading.

 

Will Jerry Springer be making a cameo appearence?

 

Please write on, I really enjoyed reading it. I guess this guy is going to like Korgan...

 

Jerry Springer eh? We'll see about that

Here's a biography to justify the freestyling skills that the guy has

RECENT BIOGRAPHY

Life was never easy for Iamas A. Wannabeas, especially with a name like that. A product of the Time of Troubles, one of the offspring of Bhaal. He grew up along with Imoen, one of many hot hootchie mamas he has encountered, raised by their foster-father, Gorion, an old but powerful geezer. Not too powerful, he guesses, for he soon died at the hands of another child of Bhaal, Sarevok. Now Iamas never had any beef with Sarevok, even after he killed Gorion 'cause frankly Iamas never liked Gorion anyway. But Sarevok was trying to become the next Lord of Murder, a title which Iamas has long sought after. They soon clashed swords and after Iamas kicked Sarevok's ass all over the Sword Coast and thus foiling Sarevok's plans, he decided to camp and rest. While Iamas and Co. were sleeping, some dude came along and kidnapped them. This dude started experimenting on Iamas and Imoen, though Iamas had it worse, resulting in brain and body damage in Iamas. On that fateful day, Iamas A. Wannabeas ceased to exist, for he was reborned as Darth Wannabe, an ego that he took on from a character in his dreams. The dreams were amplified by the experiments, making him say and do weird things and profess to become something called a.... FREESTYLER.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, the story continues...

CHAPTER 1 EPISODE 1
AN IMPRESSIVE JOURNEY

Fully equipped, the party of Darth Wannabe, Jaheira and Imoen sought to find their way out of this dungeon. Going south, they saw many bodies strewn in the hallway. "Wicked!" said Darth Wannabe. Imoen and Jaheira ignored him, too busy in avoiding stepping on the bodies. They emerged in a small room with a device emitting light in the middle. "Yo, check out the lights y'all. It's groovy time!" said Darth Wannabe as he started dancing and gettin' jiggy with it. A lightning mephit appeared in front of him but he ignored it thinking it was "Cool effects, man!". Imoen and Jaheira knew better, but decided to let the mephit zap Darth Wannabe up a bit. The mephit fried Darth Wannabe out of his break-dancing at which he got up and opened a can of whoop ass on the mephit. Another one suddenly appeared, and Jaheira went and took care of the new one. Imoen was smart enough to figure out that the device in the middle was spawning these mephits, and soon enough she found the switch to deactivate the device and flipped it. The light died out and after the mephits were taken care of, Darth Wannabe called to Imoen, "Nice move there, gurl. Saved our asses a lot of trouble," Imoen smiled and thought to herself, "Imoen 2 Jaheira 0."

They continued on and encountered a djinni. "Another purple-pants-wearing dude," thought Darth Wannabe, "Don't anybody know 'bout style down here?". The djinni greeted Darth Wannabe with his name and asked him a question. "You are trapped in a cell and your sibling is trapped in another, and a magical button is in front of the both of you. You both know that pressing the button means certain death, but it opens the other's cage. Now, the question is, which person should press the button?" asked the djinni. Darth Wannabe ponders for a second and replies, "Well the man who did this to them certainly has style, but my answer is I will press the button.". By saying this Darth Wannabe was trying to impress the hot mamas around him, but soon regretted his decision for the the djinni said "Hmm, a noble answer. You have made your decision and now you have to deal with it." and summoned in a Ogre Mage. They attacked the creature but Darth Wannabe missed and said, "I want that ship, not excuses." The Ogre Mage paused upon hearing this, apparently looking for the ship Darth Wannabe mentioned. Jaheira took the advantage, and skillfully dispatched the creature to the Abyss. She then said, "You are getting weirder by the minute, Darth Wannabe. We best be getting out of here as soon as possible." They agreed on this and scrambled to find the exit. They met some goblins and easily dispatched them, though one goblin archer was able to hit Darth Wannabe in the nether regions with one of his arrows, prompting him to say, "Impressive.".

They then met a golem that could literally open some doors for Darth Wannabe. All they had to do was find an activation stone, which they found on a dude in a tank named Rielev. They activated the golem and followed it until they were in a sewer-type place with an Otyugh in it. They killed the Otyugh and ventured on until they were in a room quite different from all the other rooms. The room was furnished but Darth Wannabe didn't care, for the room was connected to a cavern, and in that cavern stood three beautiful tree dryads. "Sigh, surrounded by Imoen, Jaheira, and tree hot dryads, what more can a man ask for?" thought Darth Wannabe. The dryads asked him for assistance, to which he duly agreed. "Mail some acorns, what's so hard about that," thought Darth Wannabe. "You have to get them from a duergar first." said one of the dryads. "There's always a catch." grumbled Wannabe. The party of three doubled back and explored the other areas. Soon enough, they found the duergar and killed him and his gang without too much trouble. After retrieving the acorns, they found a door and unlocked it, thanks to Imoen's quick thinking and long hands, having already stolen an Air elemental statue from the nice room. "Score another one for Immy," thought Imoen.

They found themselves in a windy place, and dispatched all the monsters they could find. They met yet another purple-pants wearing djinni, at which Darth Wannabe thought, "Don't they know fashion in the other planes?". The djinni wanted to give Darth Wannabe a sword that belongs to him, provided that they give the djinni his original container. Darth Wannabe agreed and swiftly went back to the dryads. He showed them the acorns ans asked about the container. "We have it right here, and we'll give it to you since you promised to save us.". Darth Wannabe wasn't pleased at all, for he was hoping to trade the acorns for some nookie but it was too late. They went south into another room and got a portal key, and went back to the djinni, after encountering two golems. Getting back his weapon, Darth Wannabe immediately wielded it and went on with their journey. They ventured back into the nice pad and went north, only to encounter some goblins. After killing the goblins, the brave adventurers entered the portal, leaving the place behind...

OoS (Out of Story): Man this thing is beginning to be more of a novel than a short story. I'll try to cut back in the coming episodes. The pace is just crawling and I think that's bad. I decided to 'up' his stats a bit 'cause it's getting in the way of the story. Besides, the challenge never stated to have 9/6/6/6/6/6 stats anyway.

[This message has been edited by RythmicBarbarian (edited November 10, 2001).]

 

Darn.... if you are going to up his stats... man, I woulda have really supported this thread - even for a 966666 running with other characters.... They have their own "appeal"....

What do you need to up his stats for.. just cut back on some of the wroting and play him...

[This message has been edited by Kailynne Johanne (edited November 11, 2001).]

 

"just cut back on some of the wroting and play him"

Umm lets not forget this is the Creativity Surge. Point being to write. Everybody plays, only some write. Just a friendly reminder .

 

CHAPTER 1 EPISODE 2
"YO! YO! YOSHIMO!"

The adventurers emerge from the portal unscathed. "Aww, man. That was far out! Let's do it again!" said Darth Wannabe as he attempted to enter the portal again. Suddenly a man in leather came and greeted Darth Wannabe. Apparently he had been in the room all along. "So there is sanity in all of this madness. If you are not in league with the evil that dwells in this unholy place, Yoshimo begs your assistance." said Yoshimo. "Yo! 'Sup, man? My name be Darth Wannabe and flowin' wit' da groooves be mah game. You wanna be flowin' wit' meh? Then you check yerself, and prove yerself and tell me how you got heeeeere..." said Darth Wannabe. "It is actually quite uh…embarrassing. My profession does not leave itself open to those who are not wary yet, somehow I was caught unaware. I came to Athkatla years ago from Kara-Tur to seek my fortune. At some point--" "Shut yer trap! You be coming from Kara-Tur? Good enough for me. Well come on now, let's bust this joint! Walk this way!" interjected Darth Wannabe with his best Steven Tyler impersonation as he led the way. The adventurers encountered more mephits in the next room and squished them with the advice of Yoshimo.

They went north, and to Jaheira's horror, saw Khalid's body. "Kha… Khalid? Khalid! No…this…this is an illusion…a dream…a bad dream. Where are the mirrors…the switches to pull to…to show where he is hidden. Khalid…Damn…damn you…Damn you! I will have the heart of who has done this! I will tear their blackened heart from their…I will…I… no." said Jaheira. "Sheeeeet." was all Darth Wannabe could say. Seizing the chance to impress Darth Wannabe, Imoen swallowed her vendetta with Jaheira and said to her," Jaheira, I want to say how sorry I am about Khalid…I…know this is hard…" "No, you do not know. This is not the time for this conversation, child." said Jaheira, forgetting herself. "Alright, that's enough, let's get on with our quest." said Darth Wannabe, for once not in a weird lingo. "Very well." said Jaheira.

They went northwards into a room where a elven babe and an assasin was fighting. Darth Wannabe gleefully joined in, attacking the assasin. After the assasin died, Darth Wannabe quickly asked the elf for some nookie for helping her but got a critical hit in the nether regions, again shouting out, "Impressive!". After dispatching the babe, they took a look around and saw many other elven babes, and Immy figured out that the babe was actually one of many clones. "Darth Wannabe... look at-- Stop scratching at the glass!" said Imoen. The party had to drag Darth Wannabe out of the room and went westwards, and after some adventuring, they finally found a tunnel with daylight at the end. The party went on, exiting the dungeon.

OoS: As you can see, this particular post is BORING. It was done late in the night and I'm just too lazy to do it all over again. Please try to spam on this topic. Once you stop spamming, I stop writing. Well, I decided to keep the 9/6/6/6/6 stats for the challenge. The pace will pick up once the party gets outdoors. Keep the spam coming!


[This message has been edited by RythmicBarbarian (edited November 18, 2001).]

 

Keep writing, RythmicBarbarian, this is great.

And just so that you know, I don't have any objections against reading novels.

 

this guy sounds more like a looser than the end of all humanity.

 

Sorry people, I accidently uninstalled ToB and now I can't play SoA cos I can't find the CD for. I haven't got enough space to reinstall ToB. I think it'll be another two days or so before I'll update the story. Sorry guys!

 

No problems, it's worth waiting for.

 

ill happilly wait for it. as wotsitface sayed its worth waiting for

 

Man, I wish I could stand freestyling lingo

 

this fic is really fun to read... don't worry about novel-length, most of my fave fics are really, really long...

Ara
(Author-wannabe most of the time...)

 

OF COINS, SLAVES AND WIZARDS

"Ahh, ‘tis nice to see the sun again," says Jaheira as they emerge in the open. "Sun schmun, look! It’s the dude with the purple pants!" says Darth Wannabe as he unsheaths his sword. "Prepare to die!" shouts Darth Wannabe as he lunges towards Irenicus. Unaware of this new assailant, Irenicus literally works his magic on the Shadow Thieves in front of him. Upon seeing this magical display where each and every thief was roasted, Darth Wannabe showed some wisdom (which rarely happens) and halted. "Uhh... Immy. I think you better handle this one, mage to mage." whispered Darth Wannabe to Imoen. "Oh, alright you big hunky six-packed sissy." replied Imoen. Suddenly, as Irenicus was ‘greeting’ them, in teleported a few wizards and attacked Purple Pants. Not to be outdone, Imoen released a slew of her own magic. Well, one actually, a magic missile. It didn’t even scratch him but the wizards barely had better luck for one by one they were picked off. More teleported in, more missiles followed, and finally Purple Pants shouted, "Stop this madness! Okay, okay, I give up! Sheesh, it’s getting that a guy can’t even kill at his every whim. Take the girl too, she used magic." Imoen resisted, "No, I didn’t do anything, Darth Wannabe, help!". With the intelligence and wit equal to a tree, Darth Wannabe was able to get the final word, "Taddle-tale!" he shouted to Purple Pants as he disappeared, along with Imoen and the wizards.

"Well that was certainly fun," commented Jaheira, "too bad they took Imoen along, snicker." "Umm... yeah, I guess we’ll have to rescue her." replied Darth Wannabe, already imagining the moment where he rescues Immy and gets some nookie in return. "Let’s go!" proclaimed Darth Wannabe, already filled with enthusiasm. Darth Wannabe hailed a beggar, but suddenly something stirred inside him, an urgency to murder, to witness death, to kill. "Not yet." sounded a voice in his head. He shook it off, and retrieved information from the beggar. "Athkatla eh? Here’s a coin for your troubles." throwing a dagger instead of a coin at him. "Whoops, hehehe, fun!" said Darth Wannabe. The party of two then continued towards the slums, to get the lo down on the place.

OoS: Sorry it took long to update it. The local game store had a sale, go figure. Another sucky post, this. Just bear with me, I'm planning to edit it later. First, I need to solve my dilemma. Should Darth Wannabe go it solo? Or should he take on another person, maybe Viconia, for backup. As you have seen, all 9/6/6/6/6 fighters got stuck at the dragon. I don't see how I could do better. Ideas anyone?

[This message has been edited by RythmicBarbarian (edited November 25, 2001).]

 

I'd take anyone who is useful and can stand your murderous ways. Just kill them off should they prove useless!

 

MWAHAHAHAHA MWAHAHAHAHAHA

uhh sorry got a bit carried away with the story

 

The thing ROOOOCKKKSS!!!!!!

(take Anomen)