37-yr Woman, 15-yr Boy Having a Baby

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Well, Pac man, as far as I can tell, the only one in here who´s called anyone a pedophile is you. I haven´t called anyone a pedophile and neither has anyone else. I haven´t been able to see any of the others calling a 37 year old man who gets a 15 year old girl pregnant any such thing. Tell me, I´d like to know who these people are that labels the man as being just that?

 

Well, I'm calling such a man a pedophile. I'm not speaking for anybody else, just for myself. But i happen to know that most people would condemn this, because it's simply not normal behaviour.

Now you tell me one thing....let's assume for a minute that you have a 15 year old daughter, and one day she comes home from school and wants to introduce her new boyfriend to you and your wife. Then a 37 year old man steps into your house, and says "hello, i'm your daughter's new boyfriend, nice to meet you". How would that make you feel huh ?

I tell you this much, if i had a teenage daughter, and a 37 year old man made her pregnant, i would rip his head off and feed it to the dogs.

 

Some girls are able to deliver children at the age of 12 or even 10 (the most extreme cases). I don't believe they stop being children themselves so early.

Damn, where? I know one in four in the US faces a rape attempt, while in five gets raped. Then again, if we include lesser abuse, that's probably going to reach the figures you mention.

It's freaking sick. I'm starting to understand people who blame the whole of the society for this state of things. People finally need to understand that it's not cool when their friends do it and uncool when it's done to them or friends or relatives. And I'm not so sure about the lack of link to the popularity of aggressive, violent pornography.

However, I'm not a big fan of irrational hysteria. I don't think age should be absolutised as the sole criterion. It's far more unhealthy to be attracted to an 18 year old who looks like a kid than to a 14 year old who looks like a young adult. Of course, we need some realism in law, so here's the age of consent and it does the job, but it doesn't mean everyone who transgresses against it is automatically a paedophile.

Strictly speaking, paedophilia is different from child molestation; the former is a perversion of sexual drive, while the latter is an action. One could be a child molester without being a paedophile and one could be a paedophile and still not be a molester.

As for huge age differences in marriage, I think it's good this is left to the society and its morals rather than regulated by the law. I don't think people should be absolutely subjected to rules which aren't absolutely needed. It shouldn't be a normal thing for, let's say, a man aged 40 to marry a woman aged 20, but we could thing of some very special situations. I think the social approval or stigma works as a good regulator here. I can imagine people falling in love in spite of a vast difference in age, such as people falling in love despite being cousins. I don't think they should be forced to split just because of that. Moreover, I don't think it would be such a great act on their part to split of their own accord for such a reason. We can't go too absolute on this. In my eyes, one of the most important differences here is between it being "despite" and "because of", while I still don't think if a woman aged 20 actually fancies guys aged 40 and a guy aged 40 women aged 20 it's automatically wrong, if there's no abuse in it. But as I said, while not automatically wrong, it's not normal, either. To call it normal and pretend nothing could possibly be wrong with it is wishful thinking at the best, while gross simplification bordering on fallacy at the worst.

[ February 04, 2006, 17:25: Message edited by: chevalier ]

 

chev; a lot of those girls will look 20 by the time they're 13 so a guy who is unaware of the fact that they are, in fact still children, could be sexually attracted to them based purely on appearance without any deviance from his part.

 

Correct, that's what I'm saying. However, by "being attracted to 13 year olds" one should rather understand "being attracted to whomever looks like a 13 year old" than "to whomever is 13, no matter how old he looks." Being attracted to a 13 year old looking 20 isn't really being attracted to 13 year olds. In such cases, "exception confirming the rule" acquires a very real meaning.

 

In America, and this is all sexual assault, not just rape. I'm sure rape has a different ratio.

 

To me the real issue isn't wether or not they are in "love" or not. I beleive that it comes out to maturity levels. Are most 15 y/o boys mature enough to raise a child. I am 34 and there are days that I almost can't handle it. Then there is the whole thing with all the problems that arise when a teen marries a 37 y/o, regardless of the sex. There are so many people that make their dis approval known, that it would be hard to live your life with all that "publicity".

Historically people married younger than they do thses days. But history is not always a good standard. There are many things that were "normal" in other times, that doesn't make them morally sound. I think that it would be very hard to make a relationship work with so much outside pressure. I think the greatest danger in this situation is to the unborn child, who had no choice in the situation, but will take the full brunt of people's opinions as he/she grows up.

 

My personal feelings have nothing to do with the legal implications in this matter. My feelings are not above the law. Sure, I can be pissed off as much as I like, but it´s still not illegal here for a 37 year old man/woman to have a 15 year old boy/girlfriend in Denmark. I can´t have the man arrested, even if I would like to. I could tell her not to see him again, but she´d still have the option to see him after she turns 18. As she reaches the age of 18, I won´t have a single thing to say in the matter anyway, as much as I may want to have.
And even if he got her pregnant, I still don´t have a say in the matter. As a 15 year old she has the right to give birth and keep the child, even though I may want her to have an abortion or give the child up for adoption, and I still have to support her financially as long as she hasn´t reached the age of 18. It´s as simple as that. No one ever claimed that being a parent is easy, and I have no illusions that I´ll be any better off than any of you parents out there, when I get kids of my own (if I do). All though I don´t imagine that any of my kids will date someone who´s 22 years older than them, I can´t predict the future.

 

Frankly the relationship is doomed to failure. He's 15 for crying out loud, the woman obviously has some kind of mental issue and I doubt she 'loves' him. How could you love a 15 year old? Somebody who has next to nothing in common with you and I assue you he would have nothing in common with a 37 year old woman apart from the fact he walks on two legs.

History has shown that there have been relationships with even more 'strange' age differences yet in these situations the people in question are usually wealthy/influencial enough to be mentioned in history and so there will be nannies, retainers and other servants to help take care of the child. The situation would be far easier to deal with for these people. However I assume the couple in the article's case are NOT filthy rich and their life will be one of hardship and the child's life will be one of social abuse and shame.

 

Sorry to resurrect an old topic, but I missed a lot of the later posts. What Yulaw brings up is valid in Denmark, but it certainly isn't valid in many parts of the U.S. Most U.S. states have an age minimum of 16 to consent to sex or to marry. If you're under 18, you need parental permission to marry, but you can provided you are at least 16.

As this boy is 15, he isn't even legally allowed to be married in most states. There are a few states that will allow it though, which is why I assumed he's from somewhere like Nebraska, who married a 13 year old not that long ago.

Most states have laws on the books for this sort of thing too. In most states, 16 is the age to consent to sex with anyone you wish to. However, most states also have what they call "Romeo and Juliet" laws on the books where it is legal to consent to sex at a younger age provided the person you are having sex with is also of a younger age. The only example I can provide off hand is my home state, Maryland. In Maryland, at 16 you can consent to whomever you want. However, you can legally have sex as young as 14, provided that your partner is within 3 years of your age and is also at least 14. That really gets into an area of splitting hairs IMO, as it's OK if one is 14 and the other is 17, but not OK if one is 14 and the other is 18.

Chev brings up another good point in that looks can be deceiving. My wife is an excellent example. I have seen pictures of my wife when she was 14, and quite honestly, she looked pretty much the same at 14 as she did at 20. But as chev points out, that statement has two potential meanings. What I mean is that when she was 14 she looked significantly older than what she was. The other possible interpretation is that when she was 20 she looked a lot younger than what she was.

And I think that's a valid point that chev brings up. Say you are a guy in your early 20s. I think it is a lot more normal for that guy to be attacted to someone who was 14 but looked 20 than for him to be attacted to someone who was 20 but looked 14.

In this case in particular though, I doubt that this scenario applies. Certainly, the woman falls well outside of the bracket of any Romeo and Juliet laws. However, that might not matter, as most states have the age of consent tied to the legal marrying age. It is likely that what the woman did was technically legal. Since he was old enough to get married, it suggests that he was also old enough to consent to sex. If not, then that's a really strange law. I can't imagine how they could possibly set the marriage age below the age of consent, as it is assumed that if you're married you can have sex.

I'm curious about what state this was, because as I said, in most places, this is illegal.

 

Genders notwithstanding, a situation like this is despicable, and IMHO common sense says that it is not healthy for any of the stakeholders involved. The issue can be gnawed away at by people all they want, it's just sick and wrong no matter how you look at it.

 

Well, if this don't beat all. She pleaded guilty, and was sentenced to 9 months in jail.

Read about it here.

Something tells me it would have been a lot more than 9 months if the sexes of the people were reversed.

 

AFI: You're right, reverde the roles, and he'd be lucky to get out in 9 years...

LKD is right. Such an age difference is not right. While over the age of consent (16 as AFI has pointed out) we really can't interfere, It's still not right. Even 37 and a 20 year old would be a bad idea.

Although, I would be more likely to believe that the relations were consentual (I remember hitting on older women when I was 15), it still doesnt make it right...