A question I am unable to solve...

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Alright, now this is not me. I'm the bookworm knife-obsessed martial arts freak overaged virgin who has never even held a girl's hand before! (No, I'm not gay, though )

But I know the both of them quite well, so I can provide a few details:

This has been going on for about 5 years. Yes, she does truly regard him as a very close friend and no, she has no inkling of his true intentions.

She already has a boyfriend that treats her very well. He has given up on all other girls except her.

Hmm. Do go on, folks. This is an interesting topic indeed.

@Eze: who needs love when you have....knives!! (Or lightsabers or katanas...yes, I'm a bad influence on kids...)

But seriously, your perspective might change as the years pass. (Might, mind you...) So it's best to keep an open mind.

 

Well, his lack of being able to move on at all in option 2 kind of makes that one a bad option. He can't go on being her friend, clinging to a false hope forever. Eventually he'll probably get out of it, but it could take a while.

I'd say let him continue the friendship, but make sure he realizes that she's in a happy relationship and shows no romantic interest. He needs to acknowledge this, and work actively on getting over her. It might be good if they somewhat lessen the intensity of their contact, so that he isn't constantly reminded of her. Get him to focus on other things, like school or other friends.

Wether informing her of his feelings is a good idea really depends on what kind of person she is and how she would react to that.

My 2 cents.

 

A fair quote there Faragon. And I would like to agree. But every animal will eventually learn that fire burns. I do not care much for 'fame' for the lack of a better word, and as that is the case, then I consider a grey life far better than one filled with grief and misery.

Besides, it's only one type of a failure. No need to make it big enough to consume all my successes as well. People are made for different things, afterall.

Some things are not meant to be. Where I might not like it, I know I must accept it. What honour would I have if I didn't understand at least that? If it was a calculation to make, then ok. If it was a road to run, fine. If it was any specific achievement that only required thinking and doing, then I'd be in on it. But since it's nothing more but luck and chemistry that depends on random chaotic things, which has always worked against me in all areas of my life, then forget it.

I am done giving what I cannot receive. And I regret I have even said this much. But as said, all of humanity is severely flawed.

 

Foradasthar, I see your point, and agree with you to a certain level. However, despite the painful and dissapointing experiences I have had in my past, I know that it needn't always be that way. Maybe love and I will get along sometime, maybe we won't. But untill I know for sure which it's going to be, I'll keep my hands far enough from the fire not to get burnt, but close enough to still feel the warmth.

 

On a side note vis-a-vis Foradasthar, love does not have to receive to be fulfilled in giving. If it was really love that Shura's friend had for this girl, then it would be her happiness he was concerned with, not his own. That's what makes real love a rare thing in these modern days; it's not easy to truly put someone else's welfare above your own.

Regarding Shura's poser, I've been on the other end of it, actually. I had a girl inform me after three or so years of friendship that she had been strongly attracted to me for quite some time, and had been hoping for something more. But she finally realized that I had nothing more than friendly feelings for her, and wondered if we should break contact. But we discussed things openly and honestly, and after much thinking (and prayer!) decided to stay in touch. Today, a year and a half later, she is still one of my best friends, and I think we are the closer for what we have been through. So if what he has is the genuine article, then I say, stick with it. However, if her lack of romance is hurting him, then he needs to get some distance until he gets his head on straight until he can be around her without feeling pangs of "unrequited love" -- for what hurts him will end up hurting her as well.

 

If I put myself in your friend's shoes, I will go for option 2 the intelligent and doing the right thing one(I had the same experience before). One more friend is always better than one less by my thinking. The girl whom I love is still my friend. Anyway, I feel better this way, as although I cannot have her love as a lover, I still have her love as a friend. And who knows, thing may change, and maybe your friend can get his chance next time? Your friend will still have to make his own choice, as all that any of us can give are only advises, not decisions.

 

I have come to a conclusion fro m my experience and talking with Eze that seeing as "love" is sucha fleeting, if not nonexistant concept, "friends with benefits" is the best thing one can aspire to.

Or words to thjat effect... I am not TOO Offtopic, hmm?

 

You really must stop thinking of love as an attraction to someone else, you couldn't really be much further from the mark there. I suggest that you broach such an obscure (yet regrettably common) interpretation in the post started by Dragonfly but you may have been deceived.

My apologies, Arabwel, I did not know you had done this allready.

[ October 22, 2003, 10:04: Message edited by: Manus ]

 

Well it seems that here love and lust is a little mixed up.

You seem to me a little contradictional here. Are you seeing your friend as a friend only or as a potential girlfriend too? Because if you are in the latter situation look well inside you and tell me how would you feel if you one day realised that all the effort you have put in this relationship to last, was in vain because from her side never existed such a thought. I have been through this situation and i tell you that the friendship with that woman died so fast i could not believe the fact i had spent so much effort or time on such a failure.