A question or two for the ladies...

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It won't -trust me. She will never dare to approach you, and if you approach her, she will retreat to her shell. So it's better for all if you don't even bother and let THEM do the dirty work.

Oh, yeah; sorry about the typo -didn't mean to tell about that (I love it spanky ).

 

If you let the women do the dirty work chances are that it will never ever be done. I am more or less of the same inclination as you Wirhe and am loath to take any first steps for various reasons. Waiting for the woman to take any step at all is doomed to failure in all but very few cases. Women are just too damn lazy and expect men to bend backwards in their efforts to please and impress them while the lady in question will not lift even a finger in response.

 

Then people wonder why the divorce-rates are so high...

*Sigh* It's so much easier when all you want is sex.

 

Sounds to me like some of you guys yearn for the good ole days when men just clubbed a woman on the head and drug her back to the cave.

 

@Joacquin: well, isn't that what the entire 'Hitting ON a woman' thing is all about...
Besides, old-fashioned narf that I am, I'd say that that's exactly the way it should be done - although things would be easier if the woman in question was somewhat clear with her responses.
Then again, never underestimate the powers of the good old flowers, box of chocolates and a friendly smile approach. - worst case being making a bit of a fool of yourself and wasting some time, but it has a good success ratio, and at least yields clear results.
(look at me rambling on - like I have a clue what I'm talking about )

 

DHB, actually, I yearn for the truly good ole days when the woman clubbed the man she wanted and dragged him to her cave. Ah, that would be so sweet.

 

@DHB: No, that's not like it. The words are harsh, but the message is sound.

It's true that women typically expect men to do the whole work and believe that their only task is to become sufficiently impressed at some point, while men's task is to keep them sufficiently impressed and make sure they don't get too bored too often.

There are exceptions, but they're just it: exceptions.

The chief reason why I keep being single is that I expect the lady to be interested in putting some effort in it like I am. Perhaps I don't have a God's mortal angel by my side, but I've been free from meaningless relationships and that's a good bargain.

 

Ah, those days were glorious. How I miss them... Having a harem and no need to bother when and where to have all sex you ever need... *Sniff*

/Wants them back... with a bigger club this time.

THIS seems to be what we should be willing to do. I think I will stick with the 'answer' -side.

 

Aw c'mon wirhe - don't you think that THAT is stretching it a bit...
The guy who made this website really seems to having to some issues...
Well judging by the smilies I'll presume your kidding -and good heavens - I'll HOPE that your kidding.

 

This data comes from a divorced guy, so take it with a grain of salt and all that, but really, it's not that hard, and if you get shot down, guess what? The sun still rised in the east the next morning, your morning shower and coffee are just as good, and despite the feeling that all women have a radar inside that tells them "he got shot down last month", they don't, not any more than we do. And although my marriage is gone, I have to say, the good times make it worth taking the shot. Women are amazing creatures -- I'd hate to live without them, even if some have hacked off my dignity and fed it to the wolves.

 

I agree that both the man and the woman should put some effort in a relationship. Both have to make feel one another special. And I for one at least try to do so.

I totally understand your frustrations about women not being clear about their feelings, but I find men to be equally as vague in this respect.

 

Actually, I agree with several points Maddox brought up -especially the one about dancing. But don't take it too seriously, or someone will need to give you CPR.

 

Well, if he's being vague all he wants is sex and would rather keep you guessing than admit it.

Then again, why should men show their feelings when women don't even appear interested? Revealing your feelings is taking a huge risk and most people like to know that there is at least 'some' chance of success. If females showed an interest then guys would reveal their feelings.

Then again if you want your cake you have to eat it to. If you want guys to do the 'masculine' thing such as taking the chance of actually approaching the girl and showing their 'intent' then isn't it reasonable for women to be expected to do the 'feminine' thing and reveal their feelings first?

In this day and age with equality between the sexes you would expect women and men to play equal roles in the starting of relationships. Sadly men are still the primary risk takers. They're the ones getting burned for revealing their feelings. And you wonder why they don't keep taking that risk.

 

No, I understand why they don't keep taking that risk, for the same reason that I'm hesitant to take that risk: got rejected and that hurt (though everything turned out pretty good later).

What I mean is that sometimes when a girl is interested in a guy that doesn't show his feelings, she feels the same way, and hates being the one that has to take the risk to tell him how she feels.

And I meant vague as in "you cant make out of his actions whether he likes you or not", not as in, "I may love you, but I'm not quite sure, maybe sex can convince me."

You must have encountered quite some b*tchy ladies. Over here it's not so unusual for a girl to set the first step, and if she doesn't do that, she at least makes it obvious for the guy that he won't get rejected.

oh and equality rules!

 

Aldazar, since you originally addressed this to the females but got mostly male answers I have to put my two cents in.

1st) Just tell her she looks familiar (if you don't remember her name).

2nd) Women learn at an early age not to be forward with men. Add in the fear factor of being rejected and it is hard for most of us to approach a man. So keep on doing what you have been doing and as time progress add in a few questions slowly getting a little more personal. If she is interested she'll give you more information then you asked for. Good luck, you sound like a nice guy.

 

Yes, I can certify, men are vague as well when it comes to it. All too often I've seen grown men change their views in the matter over a couple of days, overnight, or even a couple of times in a single conversation (conversations with me are special, it's something like good old Socrates with CIA training, so things like that occur).

I know the "to which one am I attracted more" or "am I really attracted to this girl" problem. Heck, I know them all too well. However, I don't lie. That's where I differ.

The world would be simpler if people were honest with one another.

[ July 26, 2004, 01:31: Message edited by: chevalier ]

 

But then people would start wondering if you treat women like objects or think you are a bit cynical.

No, it does not go like that.

 

@Wirhe: teehee...
Bah, a world where all people were honest would be awfully dull, and used car salesmen could no longer make a living...
Which reminds me of the movie 'liar liar' which is great fun, albeit loaded with cliché's

 

Well, for the link posted by Wirhe, I've actually done a variation of number 11: 'react so cutely when you hit him and it actually hurts' but without any reaction at all - even when one girl (on a dare ind you, not out of any real malice) extinguised a cigarette in the middle of my forehead. I've also actually given plenty of massages before, usually as a preliminary move prior to 'making out'
And, I've been 'in the doghouse' may times for not doing numbers 1, 3, 5, 6, 7, 10 & 14.

I certainly agree with Lord Keldin Depaara in that women are amazing creatures and am still waiting for the day that I find one that considers me as amazing as I consider her, but it's damn hard. not that every woman I meet is expected to be phenomenal, I'm fine with having female friends who are nothing more than that even if we try a relationship and it doesn't quite work.

I try to be a nice guy as much as possible but it's hard when you've got it ingrained from various sources that you'll never be anything much.

Anyway, enough whinging, the main problem is fear of rejection brought on by past rejections and unexplained relationship failures. It would be so much easier if the people involved in a relationship break-down were able to calmly explain to each other why it went pear-shaped.

But in the meantime, I'm still going to keep it going the way it has been. Oh yeah, another question. Usually I'm pretty good at quick responses to comments but on the occasion when she said she thought she'd seen me in a particular place it actually took me a couple of days to think up a response (and it's a pretty good one IMO) but I was wondering if it sounds at all bad - "Next time you see me somewhere else, come up and say hi". Is that something that could be hazardous to the interaction?

 

Often late responses (a day later) can be a good conversation starter or resumer that'll put you on easier conversation footing.

Simply sart with "You said something to me yesterday about <bla bla bla> and I replied <bla bla bla>. I realise that wasn't a true and accurate response, what I meant to say was <more interesting bla bla bla>. I was a bit unsure at first, talking to beautiful women seems to do that to me (or any other type of compliment you want to throw in)." and you're off.