Break Ups

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Well, I went through a similar phase after my first bf cheated on me (what is it with us RPG'ers...do we attract cheating significant others?), so I know that reflex all too well. But in the end I chose to believe in sharing my life with someone.

It's just that Wirhe has been saying that ever since I've seen him on here and I was wondering.

How has today been, Barmy?

 

Not too bad thanks, Uytuun, I feel a bit drained and empty (plus a little hungover).

You know what's sad? If she said it wasn't working with him and wanted me back, I'd probably forgive her and take her back. I loved her that much I rely on her, she was the 'rock' in my life and all that, always there for me, I don't understand why she did this, I never saw it coming :S .

I think I'm getting over it slowly though. I don't feel as bad as last night, but still feel absolutely crap. Feels like someone has ripped my heart out of my chest and jumped up and down on it.

I am going to be left in, festering this weekend though. I want to go out to get bladdered and play about a bit, but I'm absolutely skint till the end of the month when I get paid.

Isn't like such a bundle of roses??

 

Yes, Caradhras, you have made the right decision. I have made the same; I know the feel of it. Sometimes memories haunt me. They are part of life and will never go away.

As for you, Barmy, I am glad you have started to get over it. I know the same kind of feeling you describe. Trust me, I do. Especially the last days, it looks like life has been catching up with me. I lack words to describe it. Physically ill is surely part of it. My skull is going to explode, fether, shivers... you name it. I can't even see without blur. I just know I'll be stronger when this is over but I don't know what it is yet. I see threat everywhere and my body is preparing for a fight. It's not like I see it coming; it's already started. I just don't know what's going on yet.

Indeed. Speaking of roses and such things, you probably have some good friends and family who have been supportive. Maybe it would be good to focus on them for a while, show them some appreciation. Kill me for saying this, but it's good you're out of cash at the moment. You won't waste it on alcohol and you won't be killing your liver. How about long walks? Do you play chess or scrabble or something? I could play a bit so you could unload it.

As for what Uytuun said, I don't know. I know I attract trouble. If you didn't fall sleep in the middle of my list from the previous post, you will know. Perhaps it's certain qualities of personality, character or whatever that attract cheating types. Sometimes it's as if I attracted some great (in many senses), wonderful ladies on one side and cheating, lying, obsessive, paranoid persons on the other. It's just with the former kind, the great wonderful ladies, I attract them but it doesn't go any further than they admitting it in one way or another (usually quite straightforward at some point), maybe some obvious things but not behind the line. There is always a barrier of some kind. I've been awfully close with some of them up to the point of being mistaken for a married couple, but it's never gone beyond friends. My... quite rich history, so to say, pictures the other kind I attract.

Perhaps, as my grandmother always says, opportunity makes thief. Maybe there are no good persons or bad persons, cheating or faithful types. Everyone gets tempted, some people have the will or whatever it takes to resist, some don't. I've seen good people fall, I've seen bad people amaze others in a sudden surge of altruism. I've seen friends turn on me, I've seen kindness from enemies.

[ August 20, 2005, 20:32: Message edited by: chevalier ]

 

all due respect chev, but your grandma's opnion, imo, is.. not valid in this day and age. true, we can never predict how people act, but geez. you expect your frind to act in a certain way. and your enemies to act in another. i haven't been disappointed yet.

@Barmy

already put my opinion in earlier but as someone who has experienced something similar, turning into a cynic wont help things. jsut go out there and do something else/new. if it works, then good. if not, wasted a few minutes, forget that. forget all this planning for the future crap. bear in mind that this is already coming from an asian in a non-sexually oriented (for the most part) environment

 

Aww Barmy. It's a shame to see you so down from your usual mad happy self. i hope things improve for you soon *hugs*

 

Question with a question: what can change the nature of a man?

 

A woman, Wirhe. And that's the problem.

 

Wrong answer. Now the hag will eat you alive.

 

Are you a eunoch, Wirhe?

 

Gads, I never thought I was so fervent in my beliefs until I started reading here. I haven't and won't put up with 'cheating' or 'affairs'. I never had a lot of boyfriends growing up (three serious) and, I dunno. Maybe because I grew up the way I did - Mom and Dad had probs because Dad boinked another woman and she took him back. Friends taking back SOs after getting two-timed. I don't take that crap.

My high school bf lived in another town, so it was pretty important to me when he came into town. I saw him in a local pizza joint with a psuedo gf of mine and they were holding hands. I ditched him then and there. He didn't get my big deal and I explained that when I was in his town, I went to see him or at least let him know I was by. I expected the same from him. Yeah, I was pretty self-righteous at the time.

When hubby and I started talking about relationships, I flat out told him 'don't cheat on me or I'll cut your hands off' and I still mean it. He got the point right away. For those who don't, if he has no hands, he needs someone to take care of him... Which is why I can't understand why a couple people here mentioned getting cheated on three or more times. Why did you put up with it after the first time? As a guy once said, 'You been married nine times? Hell, maybe it's you!'

If your SO cheats on you, they will cheat on you again and again. People only do what you let them, as Ann Landers said.

 

Blablablablabla, I mean, it's happened, nothing you can do about it, why spend any more time even thinking about it? Don't blubber and get depressed. It sucks, but I've dealt with it, and I'm moving on. Flush it away, move on.

 

@Barmy:
Feel free to ignore inexperienced people like Sarevok and Wirhe. Had they actually gone through what you have, they would have an entirely different outlook on the subject. While most of the relationships I've had were ones that I could just "flush away and move on", what you're dealing with right now isn't in the same category as those. When a truly deep connection forms, it's impossible to just let it go overnight.

Only you can know how to recover from this loss. Trust your instincts (not your impulses) and let it heal in whatever way is best for you. If it means going out with friends, get some cash and whoop it up with your buddies. If it means sulking at home for a week, just make sure you've got supplies. Spoil yourself; do whatever you feel like doing. If you can't think of anything, that's fine too.

You've spent a long time being "Barmy & Karen", but now you need to remember what it means to be "Barmy".

So what's the other side of that deal? (i.e. What would he get to do to you?)

 

He'd either 'guilt' me to commiting suicide or kill us both.

A remote control?

 

I'd actually advise against this personally. The more time you have to brood over it and feel sorry for yourself the longer it's going to take. It hurts, yes, so go out there and keep living. Get wasted, go out with other girls. Very cliche perhaps, but time DOES heal most wounds.

Before I was cheated on I used to wonder why anyone would piss and moan over a "b*tch" that would do that to them. When it did happen to me, I found out why. The pain is intense but it doesn't last. Wounds heal, chicks dig scars.

I answered it in the game and I'll answer it here: nothing. Regret was a close second though

 

This is what I have done when I have gotten my heart broken...

Go out and meet a nice trusting girl whom scores slightly less than you on the "looks" scale. Fool around with her for a few months until you feel less bad about the original woman. Make sure the new girl really, really likes you and then leave her.

Broken hearts make the world spin man...

Just warning you...I do feel guilty about a few of those girls and you probably will too if you do the same.

 

...

Whoa, that's pretty mean man. I had the opportunity to do the same thing when I was cheated on. Day after I found out we went to the most popular beach resort over here and a less attractive, though much sexier, girl who'd had a crush on me was trying to snag me on the rebound, but I was damaged goods at the time so we just had some non-sexual fun and I walked away.

seems kinda purposeless :/

 

As well you should. Intentionally inflicting pain on someone else in order to ease your own is ... not something I can talk about in a civil manner.

 

I would have to break several forum rules to express how much I despise people who do that.

I'm sorry but I just can't see anything good in hurting anyone, especially hurting someone who has done nothing to you except trusted in you and really liked you.

 

I didn't claim to be proud folks.

That is why women are told by other women not to date men on the rebound.

 

while I don't agree with your methods, your justification makes sense, and it made me laugh