Break Ups

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Lots of things and very few things depending on how one would define "the nature of a man".

Good job on dodging the question.

 

That sucks, BA. But I'd say listen to chev's advice; the self-confidence you can gain from going it alone is priceless. No sense running out and shagging something, or jumping into a relationship. It's much better knowing that you can survive without a woman and - more than that - be happy. After breaking up with my ex, it was hard thinking of myself singularly after being with her for 4 years. But the confidence I've gained since has been immeasurable. And everyone here at SP helped, too, even if they didn't know it! Especially Rolsuk Fryulee, who helped my sanity-o-meter after taking longer to get over a girl he was with for a week than I did for mine.

I hope will still be seeing plenty of you in the Ashes Thread (and others); we've still got to keep the colonials in line!

 

Sorry to hear your tale - that kind of thing cuts. Take care of yourself and try not to be too self-destructive or let go of your dignity (the odd lapse ain't too bad though). After all, you never know when you'll run into the next one......

Beer ads more amusing than beer.
www.bigad.com.au

 

"What can change the nature of a man?" And this guy answers "Losing your balls." Right.

Well... almost. If it were carried by a pair of boobs and served with beer, a good football match, and good sex afterwards. No whining included, of course.

It wasn't that hard to guess, was it? A rather obvious answer if you have played the game and opened the Bronze Sphere. Sad to see that Uytuun has yet to play such a good title.

[ August 21, 2005, 15:22: Message edited by: Wirhe ]

 

Revenge of any kind makes you only sink deeper and deeper in it instead of moving on. If you take it out on bystanders, you will quickly notice that you're no different from the original bad guys. Basically, at this time, your pain won't go easily. The Dark Side is hard on you.

So is fooling around, really. It does give some fun when it lasts but it leaves a bad aftertaste. Not to mention all the germs you can catch by doing anything out of the line with someone of whose hygienic customs you can't be too sure.

I'm so tempted to elaborate on what Uytuun said. But I also want to see Wirhe pwned, so I'll restrain myself.

 

If only good sex could be just switched on. Sex can be switched on and can be ok, but really good sex usually has to be... spontaneous .

 

Time does heal most wounds. Plus, the 4th test starts in 4 days.

 

I am actually feeling a bit better now. We spoke earlier, me and Karen, after lots of words and a few tears we sorted some stuff out. She says she still loves me, but says she thinks she loves him too and is very confused. That's not helping me much, you know! But I feel better at the moment, for some reason.

 

Oh I played PS:T. But your concern for this woe-man is touching, Wirhe.

I think we should all get together, corner the relationship haters here and give them all a big hug. And dance around camp fires in flower-patterened robes. And give them hair extensions.

Good to hear you're doing better, BA.

 

*Chevalier dons a flowery robe and joins Uytuun

Shall we corner Wirhe now?

@Barmy: Looks like she's at a loss as to what to do and it's a no-win situation for her. But your relationship is gone and so are the beautiful days. Doesn't mean you won't have beautiful days with another woman in some time yet, though. Glad to hear you've sorted some stuff out.

@Harbourboy: Not only does it heal wounds but it also reveals some surprising things.

 

Or then it makes you think matters from a different angle, understand what and idiot you have been, and then you are feeling twice as bad.

**Edit**

@ Barmy

Maybe, sorry about that. Should take my own advice and not open up like that. Result of tiredness. Just remove the quote and forget about it. I'll just go to have a nap and leave you adults alone.

[ August 21, 2005, 23:33: Message edited by: Wirhe ]

 

Ok, fair play, Wihre.
Didn't mean to go off on one, could just do without that if you know what I mean.

No hard feelings though

[ August 22, 2005, 19:34: Message edited by: Barmy Army ]

 

Actually, none of us really knows the situation. Any of us who really thinks we can offer any sensible advice is dreaming. Barmy is the only one who knows the situation and he's the only one who can work out the right thing to do.

 

I don't think you can love two people at the same time romantically. But that is just my opinion and experience. I could be wrong and I am also a man whom love does not come easily to in the first place.

 

My condolences Barmy.

My partner split from her first boyfriend after nine years when she found out he was cheating on her. Coupled with the relationship breakdown, she lost the house as the mortgage was in his name. (As I've mentioned before - there is no such thing as common law marriage.)
However, her life has been on the up ever since. (Well I guess it couldn't have got much worse) She took herself of to Uni, met me (obviously the best thing that could have happened to her!), and landed a very nice job. We bought our place together 2 1/2 years ago.
On the other hand, he went into negative equity on the house, has lost his job, and is currently in an abusive relationship with some Chav woman. Ah, sweet justice.

I know I would never tolerate someone cheating on me, I just don't have that level of forgiveness and I've always made that very clear. However, if you can find it possible to forgive, relationships can be salvaged. My partner's sister had an affair a couple of years after getting married and subsequently left her husband. However, he refused to let it just "go", and did everything he could to get her back - and succeeded. (This goes back about ten years now). To all outward appearances they are extremely happy together and have a very strong relationship. They have recently started a family and he has quit work to take care of the children.

So it can work, but it's probably fairly rare that it will work. It depends on your level of trust.

The key for you is to do go out and do something with your life, not to sit round feeling sorry. (Which you're probably not doing anyway) Now that "something" may be to chase her and win her back, or to completely cut any contact with her. Either way you need to get closure one way or the other.

[ August 22, 2005, 14:29: Message edited by: Carcaroth ]

 

@Carcaroth: Win her, as if it were a reward to get back together with someone who's already cheated on you? You win something or someone you respect, especially if it refers to a person. When someone cheats on you or on anyone, respect hits a low. If it were a girlfriend or even fiancee, I would dump forgive her but dump her nonetheless. If it were a wife, I would first of all challenge the validity of the marriage. If it proved valid, I wouldn't marry another woman but I'm not sure if I would fight to get the first one back. Perhaps I would request separation on the grounds of adultery and then become a priest or something. I have a rule, I don't enter into any relationship with anyone who has cheated on anyone. At least, it would require a wholesome, substantial and easily visible change in the person. The girl who made out with that guy, I didn't dump on the spot. But it occured to me I would never love her fully if love at all, so she never became a girlfriend and the prolonged affair died after three months. If you're married and there are children, it's probably almost always the better way to try and get back together. But if not...

@LNT: It's possible to be attracted to many people, to be turned on by many people, to care for many people and to be strongly attached to many people at the same time. But what is love, especially romantic love? I agree with you; something is always detracted from love if it isn't for just one person. I don't believe it's wrong per se to have romantic feelings (of unspecified scope and depth) for more than one person as feelings are independent from will and morally neutral on their own. But I firmly believe it's wrong to have any sort of relationship that goes beyond friendship with more than one person at a time. Believe me or not, I have found the most fierce opponents in my fellow Catholics on this issue (they believed it was not only all right to have multiple non-sexual (pre-sexual) romantic relationships but it was wrong to have an exclusive one before marriage, so one had better have many, according to them). I spent an awful lot of time trying to convince that group, debunking all sorts of ridiculous absurdity and explaining as best I could... until I noticed they simply wanted to believe that because it was easier on them and so they became willingly ignorant. Upon getting one bit too much pissed off by that absurd heresy (it's a total theological absurd even if more and more authors, speakers and ordinary people preach it around), I left them to their thoughts. And they still wonder why the cheating ratio in their environment is awfully high and they have constantly to battle themselves if they want to avoid cheating on their spouses. But no, there's nothing wrong with their wonderful "chaste" polyamory. I only pity their children. Nonetheless, I'd rather not have any of those children around my future children.

 

IMHO, when someone cheats on you, he/she shows how much he/she loves you and respects you.
And I know I'm not able to stand so much.

[ August 22, 2005, 16:58: Message edited by: Jathszu Khatharua ]

 

It sucks being on the receiving end of something like that, Barmy. Can't say I know how it feels, plenty of my mates can, and I'm sad to hear of it happening to anybody.

I've got nothing but platitudes to offer in response. All I can say is that eventually it hurts less and less, and one day, almost without you noticing, it stops. I'm sure that doesn't mean **** all right now; I guess you've just got to get through it however you feel you can.

Whatever happens, I hope you work it out for yourself, whether that's with Karen or not.

@ HB: Dammit man, must you always be the sobering voice of reason?

 

:lasgalen LMFAo at that ad

 

Chev,

Winning something is to do with wanting something, I really don't see how it has anything to do with respect. I agree it's probably not the best word when fully considered, but it's a commonly enough used phrase the Barmy would understand what I meant.
What works for one person won't always work for another. As I pointed out, I wouldn't stay in a relationship with a partner who cheated on me. HOWEVER there are instances where people can have a lot stronger relationship after such an episode - when they come to realise what they are on the verge of losing.

Now-a-days I generally stay clear of trying to offer advice on relationships. From previous experience I've discovered that people tend to chose their own course of action regardless. If advice is taken and turns out to be wrong, you might find you are suddenly to blame. If advice is ignored then you might start to get annoyed. (At least after the third time for the same person). I tend to do the psychologist thing now and get friends to give themselves the answers.

However, after all the comments on the board so far, I felt it important to point out that Barmy still has a choice in his actions. If he decides he really does want to regain the relationship then he deserves some support. He should have an understanding that it may not work out, but that it is by no means a certain failure - which is the impression one might get from other posters.

Only Barmy knows what's truly happened and only he can rate his feelings and his hopes (and chances) of happiness against the fear of rejection or further loss at a later date. What's important is to make his own decision and to embrace it whole-heartedly ('cos you can't embrace someone elses decision in the same way). I've seen too many friends go through hell because they couldn't get closure one way or t'other.