Drunk and disorderly conduct

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Aww man, I got to get friendly with a beer truck driver!

Unless... I could have several kids, and raise them up to beer truck drivers and thus would have access to multiple 10$ cases. I'll only be 44, so my liver should still be intact, hopefully. Mouahahaha, I'll convince the girlfriend...

 

Breeding for cheap beer, that's a novel idea...

 

Why yes, but why not have several children that you can raise up to become CEO of important beer companies. THEN you can have a lot more than 10$ cases... moouahahaha, I will conquer the (beer) world with my unstoppable army of progenity!

Man... I have too much imagination for my own good...

With that said, I remembered a few stories.

In a party (we were a hundred or so) at a bar (we had the bar to ourselves), there was massive destruction. A guy destroyed a urinal by hammering it with different objects. There was a lot of broken glasses on the floor, stolen bar stools (I actually filmed two people fling a stool in a tree outside the bar). The total cost of the night : about a thousand bucks. Since we all had also massively drank, the owner didn't make us pay anything!

There was also this time when, in a party at a bar, it was midnight and I was starving. I managed to convince my friend he was hungry too. We left without telling anyone and we went to a 24 hours restaurant up the street. When we got in, the table where the waitresses picked up the plates was right besides us. My friend, too drunk to care, picked up a fry from a plate that was standing there... as the waitress was coming to pick it up. She started to yell at my friend saying he was going to eat it and pay it. The smartass he is just said ''Wow, that's fast service you have here!''... great memories...

 

The summer after High School Graduation, about a month before I was off for college, I got hammered at a house party. For some reason, I made 3 consecutive bets that I could chug a whole glass of Captain Morgan Rum. Then I did it. And I did not hurl! At least, not until the next day. That could've been a stomach pumping! But, soon after, I did walk into the addition to the house that was half done and pissed on the walls. Then I passed out in the bath tub, after locking myself in the bathroom. Well, they got in and I awoke with no eyebrows. Deservedly of course. I didn't even notice, I was so hungover. When I got home, my mother sure did notice right away. I went upstairs to pass out again and my mother promptly called every friend and relative to come over and see me asleep, with no eyebrows. They even took pictures, ahh the memories!

 

You're mom sounds pretty cool, Blades! Mine would not have been so forgiving.

 

LKD - She wasn't very happy about it. My dad laughed so hard when he saw my face, it never really dawned on him to punish me. Since I was so close to going away to college, there was no punishment...

And for anyone's future reference, they grow back in about 2-3 weeks... in the meantime, definitely purchase some sunglasses, trust me!

 

Or you can always draw them on...

 

Chics can and do, but not a chance for me, man! No way Jose!

At the time, my summer job was driving a forklift and loading trucks at a soda/beer distributor, a small one. I was paid under the table, it was a pretty nice gig. My boss, who is a neighbor and family friend, busted my balls up until the day I left. Of course, he looks just like the "Brawny Man", from the paper towel ads a few years back and was just as big as him, so I had to bite my tongue and take it.... but that was ok, little did he know my friends and I would sneak onto his porch, he had a beer tap on his back porch, and fill a few pitchers up and tip-toe out of there. It more that made up for the ribbings he gave me...

 

Back in the high school days -- the best of 'em, that is -- we were at a house party at my then gf's house, one of my "friends" arrived with an 1.18L of basically 10% alcohol piss for the evening. I was downing shooters of Jack, and that idiot challenged me saying he could down his beer before I could down a 26oz of spirits.

My ex, clever as she was, went to fetch an empty bottle of Sauza white Tequila we had downed just days ago, and filled the bottle with water, and gave it to me. I then accepted the drinking challenge... of course, this was not truly fair since I was downing 26oz of water, but the arrogant prick was in need of a good humility lesson.

He downed his entire 1.18L, and I was absolutely done with the 26 of water by the time he did so. Later, he was spotted in the bushes puking his guts out, and remained there for the rest of the evening. I went to see for myself, laughed my ass off, got a few pictures, and went back in. The rest of the people couldn't believe I actually downed the 26oz with no visible effects, then I told 'em the 26 was actually filled with water since this was a deliberate attempt to teach that [expletive] a lesson.

I continued chugging JD, and ended up using my ex's of course clean belly button as shotglass. Ahh, the memories.

 

you could put an ounce of Jack in your ex's belly button?!?

In a party, I once bent down to give my then girlfriend a kiss on the lips, but being way too drunk, I lost my blanced and fell on her. She then fell on the wall and hit her head and got a concussion (albeit a small one)... At least she was drunk enough to not feel all the pain, but we're lucky it wasn't worse because I sure wasn't in any shape to figure out what to do or drive her to the hospital...

Ahh, memories...

 

2oz for a shot, right? Big belly button, haha.

 

Are you kidding There is nothing so quintessentially horrifying as a late middle aged woman with pencil marks where her eyebrows should be.

 

I agree with you 200% LKD!! Be it man, woman, young, old : eyebrows drawn on is really ugly...

 

Nope, took a hell of a lot of small shots, it also warmed her up for the trip down south. Win-win situation in my book.

 

Tomorrow, all the men in wy mife's family, about 20 of them, are picking me up and taking me down to a local watering hole in celebration of our new child to be born tomorrow. It's a tradition, they are a bunch of German farmers from Wisconsin. For some reason, they drink Rum on these occassions. And they drink it like beer. Full pints for everyone. I gonna have a big headache friday morning.... The 1st time I went thru this, I was useless for the next two days. Amazingly the women are ok with this!

 

Oh God, I went to a bar last night, and people kept ordering round of shooters... I had one too many... I had to take the bus home, and I got out before my stop because I felt I was going to be sick. I ended up walking for 45-60 minutes.

 

Haha, I just heard a funny drunk moment!

A friend of mine was at a party in a bar. They were many and most from out of town, so they rented a few motel rooms nearby. After the bar closed, they went back the the rooms and continued to party as hell. Since they were making so much noise, the motel's owner called the police. My friend felt bad so he went to apologize to the owner. Only, the motel main office is connected to the owner's house, and as my friend was drunk, he tried the wrong door and didn't understand why it was locked and continued to try to open it. It was in fact the door to the house. And a very scared motel owner called 9-1-1 because he thought people were trying to break in... LOL

 

NEVER DRINK IN THE DARK!

I found out the hard way.

Dear gods was I ill that night

 

... just blame the mistake on alcohol and everything's good.