Jokey Posties

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Is that even a joke?

 

A Newton is a unit of force.
A Pascal is a unit of pressure and is given by the force (in Newtons) in a square meter. Thus one Newton of force in one square meter is equal to one Pascal. 1 Pascal is equal to 6890psi (pounds per square inch).

A man has 6 items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

 

It was a good one Ara I liked it very much

 

I was happy. My girlfriend and I were dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!

There was only one thing bothering me, quite a lot indeed, and that was my mother-in-law to be. She was a career woman, smart, but most of all beautiful and sexy, who sometimes flirted me, quite obviously too, and made me feel uncomfortable. One day, she called me and asked me to come over, to check the invitations.

So I went. She was alone, and when I arrived, she whispered to me, that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she can't overcome. So before I get married and commit my life to her daughter, she wants to make love to me just once..

What could I say? I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. So, she said, I'll go to the bedroom, and if you are up for it, just come and get me. I just watched her delicious behind as she went up the stairs.

I stood there for a moment, and then turned around and went to the front door... I opened it, and stepped out of the house. Her husband was standing outside, and with tears in his eyes, hugged me and said, "We are very happy and pleased, you have passed our little test. We couldn't have asked for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family!"

The moral of the story...?


Always keep your condoms in your car.....

 

Heheh. Good one, Cúchulainn!

 

Nice Cúchulainn!

 

LOL

 

Good stuff Cuchie

 

This may sound rude to start off with, but bare with me:

A man is driving down a highway and he sees a sign that says "sisters of mercy, prostitution house, 2 miles."

He thinks his eyes are playing tricks on him, so he ignores it. Further up the road, he sees a sign that says "sisters of mercy, prostitution house, 1 mile."

He thinks "what the hell" and drives off at the exit indicated. He arived at the house, and knocked on the door, which was opend by a nun who said to him "put $25 in this cup and follow me". He did this, and followed the nun around in a mase of corridors that look exacly alike.
She stops at a very large door and says "put $25 in this cup and you may enter. He did this and went through the door, only to find that he was back outside. He heard the click of a lock as the door was shut behind him.

He yelled at them to open up for a while, but gave up and got back in his car.

Whill driving back to the highway, he saw that there was writing on the back of the exit sign.

It said "you have just been F***** by the sisters of Mercy.

 

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his belt buckle. The bartender asks: doesn't that steering wheel bother you? The pirate replies: aaarrrrrrrr, it drives me nuts.

 

Haha. Nice one.

 

nunsbane, that's remarkably like the joke posted on page 11 by deepfae.

 

Its been posted so many times on these boards over the years, its just not funny anymore. And beofre anyone flames, im not criticisng for posting it, but merley making an observation

 

I went the docs yesterday

"Doc, can you have a look at my cock"

So the doc examines it for a couple of minutes and says " I'm sorry I can't find anything wrong with it"

I said "I know, its a ****in beauty isnt it"

 

Cuchie, ****ing brilliant mate!

 

@T2Bruno - Hmm, so it is. deepfae relayed the joke much better. Way to keep an eye out for redundant posts.

 

Old one...

Dead guy one to dead guy two: "What a coincidence! My last words were 'hey everybody, watch this' too!"

 

Bit from an overweight comic:

"I don't do ups. Ups defy gravity, gravity is a law, I obey the law. Sit-ups, push-ups, pull-ups... I do downs. Sit down, lay down, in blackjack I'll double down; give me a cheeseburger, I'll wolf it down; put on some music, I'll boogie down."