Of dates, gifts and cash

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I am with Abomination all the way here. If a woman would go out with me I would hope she would go out with me and not my wallet. Heck, here in Sweden it is customary for the male to not pay for anything in the first few dates, doing so being deemed highly rude and deragotory of the woman. If things move along you can take her to places but for the first "get to know" dates separate tabs are used by most people.

The only time I have bought a woman I didnt know a drink was when I accidently knocked over her drink. The funny thing was that she was shocked and extremely grateful that I bought her a new one. I thought that was common courtesy.

 

I don't have to at all, Chev (or is it 'chev' without the capital 'c'? What do you prefer?). I said 'many a woman', not all women.

Besides, I hardly drink anyway. I hardly attempt to get drunk, and when I do it's for my friends because I happen to be a 'very' entertaining drunk

 

Me and my g/f's relationship is totally celebration-free. No valentine's day, no christmas, no easter, no anneversies(sp?), no nothing. Why force the other part to pay for stuff s/he doesn't want to give away in the first place? If it doesn't fit you, if you find gifts to be such an important thing, this lad is not your tip.

However, we, now and then, give eachother gifts, can it be a copied CD, a t-shirt with one of our favourite bands, or some thing like that, we don't care, as long as we don't take the gifts too seriously. I can honestly say that the only time I am certain that I will give her a gift when it is "proper" if I ask her to marry me and if so, the ring on the wedding day.

Once again, this is my opinion of holidays and other forced gift-giving days of the year: SCREW THEM!!

 

@Abomination: Errr... "have to open own wallet" referred to the thirsty woman. It's only natural that if someone is thirsty, he or she gets something to drink or buys it if necessary. However, it depends if in a given country it isn't considered bad for a woman to buy alcohol. Again, if people are so conservative that they don't like women buying alcohol, they probably don't like women taking alcohol from strangers (and here I mean buying a drink, not inviting her and paying for it), either... I think. Let alone implying favours or using charm to get that alcohol. And when no favours are given or implied, it doesn't actually bother me any more than the phrase "... buy you a drink?" being rude and it being somewhat odd to buy someone a drink rather than invite for a round.

 

So what do you^ do then when you see some girl at the bar showing you some positive eye contact? Ask her if she would like to go on a picnic? Play a quake deathmatch?

 

How about start an intelligent conversation? Which, of course, if prolonged, includes a round on me, offer not repeated and framed along the lines of "what would you like?" (at table or bar) or "what should I get you?" (going to bar without her), without a proud but not so bright face expression and inflated voice tone typically associated with the phrase "can I buy you a drink?". If I knew her from somewhere or if the atmosphere were outstandingly friendly, I might say something like "care for a drink?". There's a certain subtle distinction between getting her something or bringing her something and buying her something, and I never do the latter. That I pay for what she drinks while having a conversation with me doesn't mean that I'm buying her anything or that she owes me anything and, frankly, the world doesn't revolve around that drink, so to say.

[ October 20, 2004, 15:31: Message edited by: chevalier ]

 

chevalier I just don't understand you sometimes. Buy the drink, talk the talk, sex, why beat around the bush about it a?

 

Because his standars are higher and he doesn't view woman as objects? Personal integrity. What's more if she'll jump in the sack with someone just after drink and talk imagine how many times she's done it with other men...

 

Well put. Not all guys are just "looking for something" when they offer to buy a woman a drink. Although I must admit that I tend to ask, "Could I get you something?" rather than asking, "Can I buy you a drink."

There's another thing that Stef points out that is really true as well. You're much better off starting a conversation with someone and asking if they would like a drink after talking with them for a few minutes, rather than just walking up and asking them if you could buy them a drink.

DHB also brings up an excellent point. You would never, ever, EVER go up to a woman and hand her a drink if you didn't know her, and she didn't ask you to get her a drink. She'd have to be one of the stupidest women on the planet to accept that drink. With all of the possible things you could have slipped into that drink (with date-rape drugs possibly not being your greatest concern at this point), there's no way someone of even a shred of intelligence or common sense would accept.

 

I wish some woman would give me a drink with some date-rape drug in it...hmm. I guess they dont need to, I stuff myself full of the best date-rape drug there is: Beer! Makes any woman attractive!

 

Do you think its possible for a woman to aproach a man and say the words "can I buy you a drink?" LMBFAOBTROTF... like that would happen...

 

Actually, it does happen, Slayer. Not often, I must say...

 

It was a guy in drag wasn't it? Come on, were all friends here...

 

virgins

 

Buying women drinks can also be kindof the free-market / volunteer / entrepreneurial version of the "men pay a cover but women get in free" scheme. It's all about getting women to go to bars, so the men don't feel like losers sitting around drinking with other men. And often, I think, this is more for atmosphere than it is about creating a meat market. One ex-gf of mine, who always went to bars with one of her female friends (they were kindof a team), had almost no idea how expensive it was to go out in manhattan because random guys would always send them drinks. Not to ask them out, or chat them up, but just as a kind of appreciation of their presence. Of course, there's still probably something sexist going on here, but hey, who's getting the free drinks?

 

Well no one, but its not the same over here, the socialistic ideals match but the clubs aint sexist (apart from searching for weapons/drugs on the lads), so there must be somthing wrong with the UK big time...

 

Honestly, chev, I pay more attention to his behavior and tone of voice than the actual words.
But then again, I live in the Southeast, and according to the rest of the US, we don't know how to talk anyways...

 

@ Stef - unless you live on the Florida panhandle, most people in the country who are familiar with the different areas, do not consider Florida part of the southeast. I don't know why, because it is as far south and east as one can get in the U.S., but the people you meet are very different from most other people in the southeast. For example, the people from Florida are much different from people in the Carolinas, even with the way they talk. If you live on the panhandle, then you're in the bible belt with Mississippi, Alabama, etc., and that's much more similar to the traditional southeasterner.

@ Everyone - Actually, one of my best friends got married to a girl that he met at a bar, and is was she that offered to buy the drink for him - in fact that's how they started talking - so it does happen at times!

The funniest part of the story was my friend wasn't all that interested at first. She came over to talk to him after buying him the drink (via the bartender) and the following conversation took place:

Her: Hi there!
Him: (no response)
Her: Do you mind if I sit here? (indicating the seat next to him)
Him: It's a free country. Sit wherever the hell you want.

And yes, these two got married about a year later. Also of interest they did go home together, but did NOT have sex that night. They ended up staying up all night talking to each other and then watching the sun rise.

Lesson here? It is possible to buy someone a drink, get to know them, not have sex with them that night even if they come home with you, and eventually get married. I'll admit that this is the exception and not the rule, but it CAN happen.

 

I suppose the FACT THAT 1) he got in her house or got her in his house the first night after meeting her; in conjunction with 2) that although he actually got in her house the first night after meeting or got her in his house the first night after meeting her; HAD a major EFFECT on them coupling up for something more than just a fling. Aren't I right?

 

I'm a little confused as to what you mean. I don't see the difference between points 1 and 2, other than point 2 restating in slightly different words point 1. Both state person A going to person B's house. What did I miss here?

That aside, I think the answer is obviously, yes. That's like saying the fact that I enjoyed my first date with my wife probably had a major effect of my wanting to see her again, which in turn had a major effect on us eventually getting married.

However, being as intelligent as you are chev, I imagine that you're implying something without directly saying it, as that statement alone is so ridiculously obvious that you wouldn't bring it up without an underlying meaning. Of course the fact that they got along well the first night at the bar - well enough to stay up talking all night and watch the sunrise - played a major part in them staying together and eventually getting married. If they hadn't got along very well, they probably wouldn't have got married.

As I've already said no sex was involved that night, so you can't be implying a sexual reference. Maybe it just stems from the fact that I see no major difference between point 1 and 2. (By the way, while not intrinsic to this discussion itself, she went to his house. I'm just trying to save you time by not having to type out both possibilities.)