POLL: Is it weird or normal to tell a girl you like her on the phone?

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Yeah, it's not exactly weird to ask on the phone but, as everyone else seems to feel as well, it's definitely much better in person. It CAN be taken as 'cowardly' to use the phone as any rejection can be handled simply by haging up rather than having to deal with the person face to face. Also, a possible non-rejection may make it difficult over the phone to hug or whatever.

As for dating a friend's ex, maybe not weird so to speak either, but depending on your friend and how both he and his ex feel about the new situation, it can definitely make for difficult relationships either way. So I guess, best to chat to your friend about it first.

Mind you, he may say it's okay at first but later on he may have doubts.

 

Sounds like it's normal, but asking a bunch of strangers online probably isn't.

 

I have always found that smoke signals, carrier pigeons and notes written in personal blood do the trick.

Especially the notes in blood...

Maybe I go after the wrong sort of girl...

 

What do you plan to say on the phone?

Its not weird to ask a girl out over the phone, but rather precarious.

Try not to come across as emotional and clingy. If you sound like you are "totally in love" with her already, she will reject you since you sound weak.

Some people speak of "love at first sight", but the reality is that it simply does not exist. When you see someone, you evaluate them on many criteria. Attractiveness is one, but don't forget clothing (which speak to the person's position and character) and how the person carries themselves with others.

Portray yourself using factors that she would find interesting. Although there is no such thing as "love at first sight", there is infatuation.

 

Are you a man or a mouse? Tell her personally, you fool! It may sound a little creepy on the phone, anyway. Don't go through life regretting what may have been. Don't just tell her that you like her either - ask her out on a date, since I'm assuming that's what you want to do. The worst that can happen is that she says "no" and you end up feeling like you want to die. But what's the best thing that can happen? You end up with the girl of your dreams, that's what.

She walks home with you from school? Where better to tell her your feelings? It will take some courage to open up and the adrenalin will make you feel rotten but you need to pick a landmark on your way home from school and say to yourself that you will tell her when you pass it and do it.

Remember, no girl is impressed by someone who stumbles over his words (unless they're infatuated too) and they don't like people who are cocky either. They like to be romanced a little. Say something like,

"I know that we're good friends but you're beautiful, charming and funny as well. I think about you all the time and I look forward to the times when we're together. I don't want to go through the rest of my teenage years regretting not asking you out so please may I take you out to dinner / take you out bowling / take you out doing whatever it is teenagers like doing these days."

Assuming she says yes, try taking her flowers when you go to pick her up, a small, tasteful bouquet or some red roses. Women love that sort of thing. Or give her a small gift - a pair of pretty earrings or something similar. Do NOT expect her to put out. There is nothing more sure to kill a romance than sticking your tongue down her throat when she hasn't invited it. If she is willing to go further than a chaste kiss on the lips then two thumbs up, but don't force yourself on her. You can be more amorous on later dates (in fact you have to be, otherwise she'll think you're not interested) - just be sure not to be too forceful.

And let us know how you get on!

BTW, what is a "hommie hopper"? Is it some sort of teenage vernacular?

 

@Bluin:

I don't know how it's called even in my native language. I'm not proficient with teen jargon.

By the way, I've devoted some moments of meditation to the possibility of not starting relationship with someone interested but without making it turning someone. With enough goodwill, respect and kindness, that's quite achieveable - especially if the affection is unilateral. That's the way I try to solve it and it has happened to me once. After all, it's not your fault you don't share someone's feelings and neither is it the other person's fault he or she has them. Right? With some maturity and level-headedness on both parts it comes as obvious and helps avoid many unpleasant situations.

If you handle it properly, Kovalis, you won't get slapped in face or kicked in the groin (metaphorically), even if she sees you as just a friend. Anyway, I've already said enough in my previous post.

 

You gotta go face to face. In order to see the person's reaction. Phone confessionals are never good!

As for dating a good friend's ex. It's okay, but you have to let your friend know about it beforehand. It's an honor thing. At least, that's how I'd do it.

 

I find it difficult to believe that anything I can say will tip the scales in your favor (and you've already gotten a lot of good advice), so my words for you: "Godspeed!"

 

I don't understand why you make an honour thing of dating or not someone's ex.

If it's over, it's over.

Sure, not if those people split a few days ago and they have a habit of splitting and getting back together.

I've been getting my ass kicked by life for honour reasons since almost birth and I don't see any necessity of informing the girl's ex beforehand. Sure, putting any effort in hiding the fact from him puts your intentions in question, but so long as you're acting openly, nothing seems wrong to me. You need not ask permission and the ex has no current rights or authority. I suppose it's sort of US college custom, isn't it? Like asking permission from a guy to talk to his girlfriend is or used to be?

Perhaps you mean a very close friend of yours to whom the relationship meant much when it still lasted, not just a classmate who had a crush, or something. In that case, you should have a talk and it is an honourable thing to do, but I think I wouldn't hold it against anyone who didn't. But that's still only because of the friend's feelings, not any rights of any sort.

 

Perhaps we should ask Tal to start up a new forum...........Ask Sorcerers!

 

Sorcerers get all the girls

 

Lets go straight to the point. It is weird to tell her that you like her on the phone. Especially if you aren't dating. And if you are and you do so, you won't be for long. Look, just ask her out one day when you're walking home from school or something. Nothing huge, just a movie on the weekend.

Chances are she told her friends she wasn't interested because she didn't want to be rejected from them for saying she does. No one I have ever heard of has defined hopping hommies (what the hell does that mean anyway) as hanging out with someone for over a month and is still waiting for the movie.

Short answer, damn weird. Ask her out and stop procrastinating. You don't need to profess undying love, say "I like you" or even make a compliment on her mammaries, just bloody ask if she'll see a movie with you.

 

I'm not sure what "hopping hommies" means. I'm from California as well, but have never heard the slang.

It might be a L.A. term - which probably means it is drug or crime related. j/k

If I had to make a guess...

"Homies" is a hip-hop slang term for "friend". It it generally used to refer to those a person spends time with. The term is almost exclusively used to refer to african-americans.

"Hopping" probably refers to sex.

Just my guess.

[ December 14, 2003, 10:12: Message edited by: Blackhawk ]

 

Me being shy, I'm nto good at saying that I like a particualr person when they are actually in my presence. Consequently, I can't compliment very well either. But saying that, I do find it easier to express my feelings easier on the phone or on good old trusty msn messenger

About the dating best friends ex thing... I'd say its ok, btu you really do need to speak to your mate about this so as to minimize as best you can the chance of your Best mates Ex, getting to him, and consequently straining relations between him and you.

*Thinks back when he first joined Sorcerers and some of the 'relationship' topics he brought up ... (Some of the Older members will know what I'm talking about ) Thats a point, I might have a girlfriend again soon

 

You can tell her you like her... But it dezerves face to face to make it. You may act as stupid moorhuhn and tell her on the phone but it's nothing much. I knew a guy, who told his girlfriend on the phone that he want to sleep with her... Well, they broke the same night. Whatever, better do it face to face.

 

OK, I wasn't going to say this, but on the phone it's one bloody hell. Personal experience. I had no choice, though, and I was doing that for conscience's sake. Would do that again, if had to. You don't want to get through that, ever.

 

Come, now. If you can't ask her face-to-face and face acceptance or rejection face-to-face, then do you think you can possibly interact with her on a date? Just my two cents, I guess.