Random Relationship Babbling Thread (alias Relationship Rant Thread #2)

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Yeah, and long time singles have sort of a special understanding, so perhaps you'll find someone who knows this kind of feelings. And avoid the "le roi est mort vive le roi" effect (The king is dead, long live the king.). You know, there always being an undying boyfriend with just the guys changing. It's not a good thing to end up in such a situation.

 

I always forget you speak french, Chev.

Yeah, things do not look so bad, but it's still a ****ing bull**** mess.

Whatever happens, happens. I've grown beyond worrying. Everything that begins has an end, be it now, or later. So I cross my heart and watch things unfold.

Even if we end up parting ways, it'll just be another long stretch of singledom, and honestly, I couldn't care less. What kind of woman could possibly find something likeable in me?

Negativity, eh? Yeah. It's my nature.

 

A little update...

I had my first date with the girl I was confused about earlier, but not because either of us asked the other out. It was more of a casual promise about 2 months ago as friends that was fulfilled, but who cares? It WAS a date.

And I don't know whether she likes me or not. I'm kinda like DotW, I guess. I don't have a very good eye for this kind of thing. I have a gut feeling she likes me, but then my rational mind steps in and places all kinds of evidence before my gut that contradicts the feeling. She did invite one of our friends(a girl) with us, but she got caught up in something and didn't make it.

It's been almost a week or two since the date, and I feel a bit awkward now. She won't meet my eyes in the corridors, etc. but we really haven't had a chance to talk about it so it's probably nothing.

 

Talk to her. Thats my advice, I've had my fair share of girlfriends and learned that a major key is communication.

Anyways, Laurie laughed at me the other day, and said that she's noticed I flirt less now, But thats what love does to a guy. Thats right I said love and for thats not a big step, it's a giant leap.

 

Erm. After a successful meeting, if you want a continuation, drop her a line within three days and after asking how she is and maybe throwing in some humour, ask if she'd like to meet you (if you make it general and she agrees, it means she likes you in some way, but if you name place and time, she's more likely to accept or name a different one). Some girls would be intimidated, but face to face contact would be preferrable if possible and maybe a phone call rather than a message. If you don't, she will probably think you aren't interested (and will most probably also feel bad for being judged unworthy). If it takes more than free days, the impression will be that you are considering different options at the same time or simply don't care enough.

If she invited a friend with you, I'm pretty sure she didn't want a date. It's always at least a little questionnable to bring anyone along with you if you're meeting someone 1 on 1, but if it's a date, taking people along is a dead no-no. If you managed to turn it into something more than a friendly meeting, good for you, but you still can't be sure she wants anything more -- it wasn't arranged, she didn't have the time to think and all. Besides, there's a number of "happy" girls around who will date you but aren't interested in relationships. Some will also date other guys at the same time, get a couple of beers and kisses with each one and switch to another one, and see nothing wrong in that.

So, communication.

Side comment: That's why I don't like the dating concept. First, it's ambiguous. You can't always say what's a date and what's not and you don't always have the same understanding of date. However, most people understand it as something more than just a friendly meeting and expect romantic or sexual moves if it goes well. This gets complicated when someone dates multiple people because good or bad news arrive with delay. Besides, some (many) people actually believe that there's nothing wrong dating multiple people and getting a little mushy (hugs, kisses etc) with all of them if it goes well, and that's quite a troublesome philosophy for whose who don't share it but end up on the receiving end of it. Hence my dislike.

[ January 08, 2006, 15:26: Message edited by: chevalier ]

 

Well, this is it, she's leaving tonight.

We talked things over last night, and we agreed to give long-distance a try, and see what happens. Can't say I'm bouncing with joy, but we'll see what happens.

 

This is my opinion and no one elses, but I think that the long distance thing is garbage. I need the closeness though. I need to be able to see my girlfriend everyday.

But still I wish you good luck. At least your trying something and thats positive. If it was me though, I don't think I could do it.

 

I used to think that too, Benan. And I still maintain that chatroom flirts aren't a good thing. Well, not any better than any pointless flirting and those chatroom flirts are by definition pointless in most cases. But sometimes you don't get to see the person more often than once a week even if you live in the same city. Phoning and sending messages... it's the same in short distance and long.

I don't believe in seeking chatroom romance and I think it's a bad idea to look for something long-distance. It's also a bad idea to get into anything with a person you have only just met, let alone online and not even in person. But some cases are exceptional... like when you have known someone for a long time or have had real life contact. Or something like that.

The standard thing with long-distance relationships is that people lie or cheat or treat it like a hobby... don't know, like a computer program you can turn on and off, switch to background, uninstall in a minute or upgrade to a newer version. But sometimes it works out.

Another factor is that it's easier to lie, hide a double life on the one hand, and it's easier to let your guard down, forget yourself, overcome inhibitions, when you're in a chatroom environment where you don't face people the normal way. I've known or heard of way too many incurable chatroom flirts who can't stick to one person or turn the sexy mode off. Whoever gets involved in such a relationship had better know quite well the person with whom it is.

To use a native example, the Boards O'Magick would be a better place than #sorcerers, which still doesn't mean the BoM are sure and #sorcerers can't be helped. But in a chatroom, you get a roomful of people who are chilling out and socialising in an atmosphere of coprocrastination and general slacking. On boards, you can check a profile, find out about a person's opinions on important subjects (vide the Alleys), hobbies and everyday life (vide the Whatnots, the Booktalk, the Sensorium, the Colosseum) or even some demographics (the SS). If we consider regular, frequent posters, it's a boatload of information. You don't get that when you meet someone on the beach or in a club, for instance. Of course, you don't get to know everything and people can still be in denial or massive delusion about themselves, perhaps even a planned scheme, but that's way more difficult than putting up a quick facade.

[ January 08, 2006, 21:05: Message edited by: chevalier ]

 

Chev, I need to get off that off my chest. You give such slices is wisdom I often wonder why you're not a freakin psychologist. Did you ever considered that as a career? If you didn't, you should, buddy. You certainly possess the type for it.

But then again, that's just my opinion, for what it's worth.

Anyhoo, back to the topic, that's it, she left nearly an hour ago. I feel like smoking a giant cuban cigar. I am bittersweet to a long-distance relationship, but we'll how it turns out. If we end up parting ways, remember that we've been lovers for just a month now. And even if I lose her as a lover, I promised her we would remain friends - even though I loathe the very concept of staying friends with an ex - she has been my friend forever, after all. Only time will tell what will happen.

 

So does that mean you were lying to her, or does it mean that you have changed your tune on this issue?

 

I think he's pretty clear on making an exception here... Good. That's the kind of situation I mentioned back then. Not "staying" friends with someone who's never been a friend in the very first place, but rather continuing friendship with a friend who didn't last as a lover.

 

Exactly. I've known this girl forever, and that's the only reason I am willing to make an exception - I hold her in high esteem, and I know that regardless of what happens, we'll remain friends.

 

Erm. Regardless? Various things happen in life and blows come from surprising directions. Most things can be forgiven, but would it really be friendship with someone who cheated on you or lied to you? I'm not saying that girl will or would, but I don't really agree with people who believe in staying friends after that kind of break-up. My friendship could be regained but it would also have to be. The kind of forgiveness that makes things the same as they were before is still beyond my reach, which is said because it's the kind of forgiveness I pray for for myself every day.

 

Hmm, yes, I should have specified. We'll remain friends as long as respect is shared, and there is no dirty tricks, or things like that.

 

Silly me, wen't and gave that woman of my latest dreams the one single rose...and of course I had to go and tell her about my feelings..

And that was it, nothing happened, which was nice. We did have a lengthy conversation about it, she was flattered and I made a promise to myself to take her out on a date as soon as it'll be possible. This might be never, but for now the situation's in control, I'm happy about it and I still have warm feelings for he, but now I'm totally ok with the possibility that we'll never be an item.

The future's still wide open, and she just might be part of it. If not, I've at least learned my lesson from the incident.

 

Its easier to get a girl/boyfriend from another country, rather than a local I think, and its good to get a change of scenery also.

 

No one is a prophet in his own land, hehe.

And good for you, Ichor.

I sort of like the situation where everyone knows what's going on but no one feels pressured to do anything. I can even imagine a situation where a feeling exists but isn't acted on (e.g. waiting to see if it's more than a crush while staying just friends until it clears out or something). It's probably good you didn't make any promises but it can suck when one of you wants more than the other can give. Especially if the one that wants more is not the one that started the talking. I remember a friend of mine with whom we had crushes on each other sort of interchangeably. Sometimes there was something in both directions but nothing too strong and never for too long, thus there was no acting on it that wouldn't go between friends. She found a guy some time later and got engaged a couple of years afterwards.

 

Good on ya, Ichor!

I'm with Cúchulainn on what he said. And just like I said to Saber, variety is the spice of life. Not just in the sexual way, you horndogs. The different cultures are always interesting to learn about. My own gf is half-chinese, and it's more than interesting to learn tidbits of their culture, and I must say that chinese food is pretty tasty too!

Agreed. That's the best.

 

Erm. Right. Variety. Different countries. Hehe.

 

Righty, I'm back, and with another situation... not really all that bad, but I'd like to type it out to people I've never met

Confusing times with the ladies... so, my best friend in school is female, and I believe that I am attracted to her. I'm not sure of how she feels, but I don't want to do anything because I am not sure of my feelings (as in, I am not certain if I like her or not, and if she is the sole recipiant of my affection), especially since she is my best friend (inside school, my best friend doesn't go to my school), and I wouldn't want to screw that up.


Yes, it sounds teenage drama-like, but hey, I'm a teenager. Not really asking advice, just typing, although, I love hearing your input...