Random Relationship Babbling Thread (alias Relationship Rant Thread #2)

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I think my situation is kinda similar to Saber's. That girl and I have been pretty close friends, since we're both part of the student government(she's the vice president, actually) and we swap a lot of SMSs and studied together for a while. It could be that I'm mixing up friendship with romance. But then again, the maxim "Know thyself" was created for a reason ; specifically, that it's dang hard.

 

@Daie: I could, a couple. But what you said meant, "I'm very rich," so no wonder she didn't like that.

@ywpark89: No one says you can't mix friendship with romance. It's quite a good blend, actually. Well, I guess you could save yourself the worry and just ask her out and see how she behaves when she's alone with you in a pub or a park or something. Just no cinemas for a first meeting, that's bad.

 

Chev, I know what I said....Hehe.

Can you tell me some stuff then?

 

Well the reason I didn't have any guys in high school was because everyone thought I was a lesbian
No, seriously. Someone spread a rumour and it never disappeared

 

Friendship and romance eh? I'm begening to think I'm confused about it also. Don't want to loose my friend Catherine as a friend, but don't want to loose my chance as romance either... Bah life is complicated... Why can't I just say

'' Hey Catherine you're a preety cool girl and quite cute also, why don't we try being together and if it doesn't work forget it and just stay the friends we were? ''

One can dream eh?

 

@chev : Dang, the date-like meeting we had before *was* at the movies. We *did* go to a juice shop afterwards. Wonder if that counts

The problem here in Korea is that the society doesn't look too kindly on dating before college. While there are plenty of people who date in middle or high school, the *nice* boys and girls - the ones who plan on going to good colleges - are expected to not have relationships, for fear that they interfere with their studies. And I have seen cases where this happened. She is, like just about nearly every high school student in this country, studying to go to a good college. That's about all there is to students' lives here until college, at which point they don't study that much, having been cut free of the burden of college entrance. (I'm not really a part of this, since I'm planning to go to college in the States)

So, the conclusion is, I can't ask her out until the college entrance exams, which is sometime in November.

 

If only that could happen, Ofelix, if only it could happen...

That would be nice.

No updates yet, Its been a long weekend (4 day to be exact), and we've been talking, but nothing new to the forward progression of my clarity of feelings.

 

@Chev. Come on Chev, teach me some flirting in Polski....
It'll really impress her, and get me brownie points.

Think of it as karma...

 

@Shell: Yeah, I know what it's like. Rumors persist for a looooooong time. Bloody bastards...

/me hugs Shell

@Saber: Dude, if it is true love you have for this girl, don't wait an eternity, because you'll miss your chance, and then curse like a drunken sailor knowing you missed what could have been a wonderful love story. I am speaking of personal experiences. I missed many opportunities, and I still curse at myself for missing the said opportunities... I'm suck a ****ing fool.

Seems I use this smiley pretty often, those last days...

 

I know, I hate waiting, for that reason. But, I don't want to screw up our bestfriendshipness if I am mistaken. Although, I do believe she likes me. I was made aware from a friend (although, I didn't ask, it just, came up). I just want to make sure my feelings are sorted out, because I don't know if I am attracted to her and other people, or just her. I know the majority of my attraction is on her, but I don't want to go in 80% sure.

And true love is quite a ways off, methinks.

 

Saber... you *DID* parted ways in a pacific way with your ex, didn't you? A breakup doesen't automatically mean *we hate each other* (while it is often so for me, but that's another story)

But whatever you do, do it before she loses interest in your and seeks another appropriate male.

 

@ywpark89: Nah, don't worry at all. I was just saying there were better ideas for a first meeting but if it went all right, then good for you. Besides, seeing a film with you was more than having a quick lunch or something. More in the right direction, I mean.

Social customs are there for a reason, so you should never neglect them. But customs and traditions are for people and not the other way round, so don't give up on the girl just because some people would frown on it. I too believe it isn't a good idea to have relationships at a young age unless it's something really serious. I believe people are meant to have a family, not relationships. So if you think she might be the right one, you hope she is and you want to find out if you aren't mistaken, then you're right. But if you just want to see the girl, have a little fun and a little bit of a thrill, then friendly meeting is enough and the other people are right. So... I suggest you think for a while and decide which one it is.

I oppose the dating custom in the "oh damn, I must be seeing someone or my life is so dull and I'm uncool and oh my..." shape. I oppose the idea of having a little fun without obligations (the borders of no obligations is a dance, a hug and a little peck on the cheek ). In some American highschools and colleges, especially in films ( ), people just keep dating because they can't think of anything else to do with their time. So everyone is always dating and there is a ranking and an experience counter. Blah. And the biggest abomination is the so called "non-exclusive dating" in which people have several sort-of-girlfriends or sort-of-boyfriends, being romantic and/or sexual with each. I hate that.

Personally, I've always preferred to meet as friends unless I've been serious about a girl. Note that meeting as friends doesn't preclude being a gentleman or being friendly or being honest with the girl. But when it goes too far, it should be exclusive, of course.

The problem with dating, to sum it all up, is that people almost inevitably end up having done it with a lot of people, often with several people at the same time, so they are a tad bit "worn out" when they meet the right one. They often consider themselves and/or are considered damaged goods by other people.

As you seem to be serious about the girl and you don't look like the type who likes to swing around a lot, I really suggest you shouldn't weep for the dating thing. Just talk to your girl the natural way, meet her, spend time with her. If and when you feel like telling her you love her, do that. You don't have to repeat any dating schemes. That's soap opera crap, not real life.

If you're concerned with your studies, I can tell you that falling in love can interfere with studying a lot. I was a better student before I sort of noticed girls. I was a geek who was a bit too fat, listened to classical music, knew everything except the newest fashion and celebrity gossip, let alone sports. In order to get a girl, I had to become cool. Essentially, becoming cool means dumbing yourself down. I wasn't trying to get worse grades on purpose but I felt bad for being smarter than the other kids and especially the girls (no, I'm not a mysoginist; in my primary school class girls were much worse students than boys, while normally it was the other way round), especially the one I was after. Then starts the whole freaking "who gets the girl" rat race, which is more about getting than about a girl. When you're out of that, and smart boys finally are after some time, you're behind in your studies, you have lost the incentive to study and you have discovered a lot of other things.

You see... I didn't really like studying before, anyway, except maybe doing homework, which was actually sort of fun. Listening in class was enough, especially having already read all the course books in the summer for the coming year. But then I stopped thinking about the class in class, so things started getting fishy. Lost the warm feeling for homework and occasional studying, didn't pay enough attention in class, started reading less... Guess the result. I still ended up in a good secondary school but things weren't the same. I was no longer the top guy. At the moment, it isn't bad, either, some people still think I'm a genius (they were sort of sure when I was younger ), but looking back, I wish I had studied more and read more (and I have read tons... computer games went up when books became more expensive, the library was acquiring less books than I was able to read and I became too lazy to walk to other libraries) instead of chasing girls or wasting my time on computer games.

I'm not saying girls are bad. Or that it's going to turn out the bad way. But teenage relationships are unlikely to work out and experience is overrated (while hurts and scars are quite real). Plus, it's studying what gets you a job and allows you to support a family later on. So don't let girls drag you away from your books too much.

@Daie:

"Jestem pod wielkim wrażeniem Twej osobowości, intelektu i dobrego charakteru" ("I'm greatly impressed by your personality, intellect and kind character")

@Saber, DotW: It's good to find out, actually. DotW is right that you shouldn't wait the whole eternity, but Saber is right when he doesn't want to bother the girl without knowing he really means it.

@DotW: Maybe you've missed a lot of opportunities, but you can't possibly know for sure if they would have worked out for you or not. Besides, you did meet one wonderful girl that sort of taught you only serious things matter, plus you've just discovered a mutual romantic feeling with a good friend and someone you can actually respect, so what more do you want? If you really wanted any of those girls, you would be chasing her relentlessly, despite all other things and guys, and not be in a demanding long distance relationship.

[/essay]

[ January 16, 2006, 02:23: Message edited by: chevalier ]

 

/me looks confusedly at DotW

Wait, what is this about my ex? I don't hate her, but that is irrelevant - I'm talking about my best friend...

 

@Saber: I just used the matter of your ex as a reference that even if you DO have something with your best friend, and it wasn't what you expected, you can still part ways and remain friends. That's is very possible. (Although I should definitively NEED to work on that...)

You're right again, Master Chev, except for one point. Those feelings weren't "discovered" as you state, they had already been there for a long time. Both of us just listened and acted on them. Also, I consider long-distance to be the ultimate test. If our relation passes this test... then I know for sure it is very solid. If not... I lose a lover but keep a friend.

 

OKay Chev, and how do I say that? How do I pronounce that?

Exclusive? What either be a gentleman, be friendly or be honest?

 

@DotW: Something has already to be there to be discovered. Like an island or a specific gene or a historical fact. So searching your feelings and noticing that something romantic is there would be discovering it. Perhaps realising would be a nicer description but maybe less accurate, I think...

@Daie: You don't. No, really, Polish is very hard to pronounce without hearing it a lot and being able to fake it. With a lot (and I mean a lot) of practice, maybe you could make yourself understood. That line contains some sounds that don't exist in English, too.

Nah, doesn't preclude this or that or that means it doesn't preclude any. If I had used "ands" instead of "ors" it would have meant all three in one and I didn't want to say that. Heheh, it's possible to be both honest and a gentleman, isn't it?

 

Saber. I went into my current relationship about 10% sure. When I finally got around to asking her out. I need 5 rums to ge the courage. She said yes, and now we're in love.

If you're 80% sure, go for it.

 

@Chev- Don't worry, I know all too well how hard Polish is. I hear it lots.

I get a lot of 'kurwa's thrown at me(jokingly, I think). I know what it means, but I can't even pronounce it. I can't roll my r's.

Anyway, back on topic, I've almost had enough here. Grumpy girls are trying my patience too much.

 

You could always write it down, Daie and give a little romantic note to the girl

 

Y'know, Shell makes a good point, here. If you don't have the guts to say it, write it.

Warning: Here comes another of my anecdots!!

That's what my bro did when he wanted to proclame his love for his now-ex, he sat down, wrote her a letter, and he included a dried red rose with the said-letter. He gave it to her - and that's how it began.