Random Relationship Babbling Thread (alias Relationship Rant Thread #2)

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Wow - I agree with Chevalier......

 

Your opinion has value, and you present many solid arguments, Chev, but I still disagree. Most of my relationships ended pretty badly - but there's one who didn't ended so badly, and we TRIED remaining friends, but realized that wouldn't work, and we ended up parting ways.

Being flooded under memories is a normal part of a break-up, yes, and while hard, it is bearable. But remaining in contact? You're in her presence, feeling the knife being twisted in the wound, flooded with the memories of things that were, and that will never be again... that's just torture to me.

I might be weird, but I am no masochist.

 

Sometimes it's a pain, I know. I remember one girl I was able to talk normally to only after half a year or something and we didn't ever come back to the same level as before I asked her "the question". Another one I'm good friends with but it took some time to start talking again. Long months.

 

I guess you understand my point now, Chev. You did talked to them again, even after a long time: I didn't. For me it's "Best of luck for your life, if we never meet again ". Rude, perhaps, but I don't like to remain in contact with my past. If we meet again, so be it, if we don't, I won't cry in my beer. A friend, a lover, a memory. That's the cycle. Maybe not the best thing... but that's how I am.

 

I hope that doesn't happen with us, DotW (well, the lover part, mostly ).


Erg, the snow here has delayed my actions, which means I have to wait until Monday - something I don't want to do. It's going to be a long and tough weekend emotionwise for me...

 

Heh, no worries! The "friend, lover, memory" part was regarding to woman I've dated.

"Friend, memory", however, applies to the unbelievable number of "friends" I've had through my life... friendships have great beginnings, but sour up because of my unbelievable independence, and being somewhat "The Respected but Distrustful one"

But as for the BoM... I won't turn my back on our motley bunch... I'm not dating any of the woman of SP, so that cannot possibly sour up. Plus, there's mutual respect shared, and that's good enough for me.

 

Hmm, we are more similar than expected, I guess. I too need independence from my friends (some times they get so obnoxious, and well, I don't need to be around them every day), and I am generally distrustful. I am, however, trying to break that habit, and be neutral towards everyone until they prove to me that they deserve my trust or prove that there is no way in hell they should get it.

Hah, and apparently my friends think I PMS, although, last time I checked, I was male... but still, sometimes I do flip out at them for things I probably shouldn't have. Doesn't matter, because I usually recognize those things and correct them, and focus on not making those mistakes.


/me stops talking about self

 

Trust. The thing in this world I have the most trouble with. Not on the verge of paranoia, but I am seriously distrustful. Hell, there's a friend of mine which I've known for eight years - and I am just barely beginning to trust him.

When someone says "trust me", I just laugh in their face.

 

I have a pretty good eye (or so I think) for people I can trust, however. So far, with really important things, I trust my best friend (although, for more sensitive things, not so much), my best female friend inside of school, and maybe one or two other people inside my school. Other than that, not really.

Trust is huge in any relationship, though, and I think that inter-friends, it is nearly necessary. I don't mean trust as in 'spill your heart out' trust, but someone you can trust to help you out of a tight situation. I trust all of my friends that way, I suppose. Hell, I even trust some of BoM guys, even though I don't know you completely. For example, I'll bet in real life, I could trust you DotW, even though I am 7 years younger than you, and I've never met you. Eh, who knows...

 

Looks like you've been hurt. Trust is even more complicated, though. Sometimes you can trust people to help you out of a tight situation but you can't trust them in mundane matters. Some people can be trusted in day to day matters but big things and big trials will overgrow them. Other people can be trusted in big things but won't put effort in little things. Or some people can be trusted with secrets but not with anything that involves risk. Others will make sacrifices for you but won't keep their mouths shut. There are also conflicts of loyalties, hidden fears, plain human weakness (sometimes you can trust someone's good intentions but dependability is low). I think trust needs to come with some tolerance or you won't be able to trust anyone (plus you may need to update your self-perception if you too fail someone once or twice).

Right. There's always a reason why people need trust and why they need to ask for it.

[ December 12, 2005, 02:41: Message edited by: chevalier ]

 

Hmm, maybe saying that laughing in the face of someone who tells me "trust me" was extreme, but it nontheless reflects that I have a problem with trust. I usually rely on myself to get out of a tight situation, but if someone helps me along the way, all the better, but I don't rely on that. You've got to save your own skin, in life.

On another note, I just had some unexpected visit - a longtime friend of mine which I had lost contact with seven years ago (she was in Venezuela). I actually had a youth crush on her, but it never went much further, though I was definitively attracted to her (and I still am).

Fate is ironic... just half an hour ago, she knocks on my door... At first, I didn't recognized her... but when I did, I was overwhelmed by a wave of emotions... I realized how much I missed her in my life... How much I missed her presence, her warmth... we've chatted a bit, and guess what, I have a date with her tomorrow evening!

This disciple is in love, fellas.

 

Freakin' Sweet, man! I wish you good luck, Disciple!

...

/me thinks for a second

Wait, why the hell would she move from Venezuela to Canada?

 

Well, my girlfriend and I are no longer. It was a mutual break-up in the sense that when I asked if we should break up, she responded that she was unsure, and then when I tentatively floated the statement that we should break-up, she quickly agreed. Her agreement had an enthusiasm which almost, but not quite, caused our break-up to leave the guiltless realm of "mutual". Woman: Passively controlling the world ever since Adam asked Eve, "What is this great tasting cider made from?"

Since that night I have had an increasingly desperate and mean-spirited relationship with her voicemail box. It is strange too: It is not like I want to reinstigate our failed endeavor, but rather, I am looking to her for emotional support with my difficulties in leaving her. Surprisingly enough, she has other concerns.

Can there be any other event which makes one's flaws so glaringly obvious to the owner than that of a break-up? I am considering going to church; seriously people, church. She said things like, "...in competition with everyone...", "...make everyone aware you think you are better than they are...", and "...jerk!...". I am trying to make light of the situation, but in all reality, my personality flaws deserve nothing other than abhorrence from all good people.

And I am still fighting the irrational belief that I will never find another woman again. It is just that, and this is probably not a surprise to anyone who has the spare time to read the drunken ramblings I sometimes deposit on this unsuspecting board, I can be quite a handful. It is a woman of a certain sort than is not only willing to tolerate my varying flavors of nuttyness, but can enjoy my abortive manners of showing affection.

On one hand, I know that I will one day meet another woman, and on the other, I am doomed. Like join a f*cking book club doomed. This sucks.

 

That sucks, LNT. My sympathies, man. I'll drink to your health, man.

@Saber: Well, she didn't actually moved... she's in visit here (Xmas is aproaching, after all), and I think she wants to settle here once again... she says she misses winter (ahh, winter, ain't it the most beautiful season?), and that she missed me too. We'll probably discuss that deeper tonight. I'm kinda nervous, but, hey, everything should go smooth.

 

Well, if she showed so much enthusiasm, then I suppose there isn't much to regret... Looks like it wasn't working out for both of you. Shouldn't expect your freshly ex-girlfriend to be your agony auntie, though. The fact you want her support now and she was so enthusiastic before, suggests you may be right about manipulation. Oh, and good luck with your meditations.

 

OK---This just in...!

I'm fairly certain that she tried to call me, but unfortunately, the phone line was tied up as I was leaving a message on her cell phone. I'll keep ya'll informed when I recieve confirmation.

Also, I am considering buying a metal detector.

 

A metal detector?!? You're weird, LNT.

Well, you certainly won't hear me ranting for an undetermined timespan, as things are going pretty well with my date... we'll see what the future holds.

 

Damn you with your luck!

*grumbles*

 

I could introduce one of her friends to you, Saber, no need for that flaming smilie.

BTW, how have things turned out with your gf, or ex-gf (dunno how I should call her)?

 

Well, I broke up with her today, and it went very well. In fact, she knew what I was going to say before I finished, and just asked if we could stay friends, which I heartily agreed to. She understood the reasoning, and said that the feeling (or lack of) is mutual. So, everything's fine between us, which is great!