Random Relationship Babbling Thread (alias Relationship Rant Thread #2)

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@Chevalier: It's been in the kind of situation that LNT experienced for at least a year now, and a little worse. She's got some issues and I think that she's trying to make herself feel better by longing for that feeling you have when you fall in love.

We've disccussed about separating already; us getting apart seems now a real possibility and this improved the situation for a while when we realized we still do love each other, or at least we're not that willing to let each other go.

But that was only for a while. It didn't improve her feeling down and it didn't make me a less irritating person. I'm really fedding her up and driving her up the walls and it's not just her, I'm one of the most annoying people I know. I'm surprised that this stagnant pool of a relationship has lasted this long.

She can't, or possibly don't know how to fall in love with me anymore and I'm not actually helping either. It's just that no matter how hard I try, I can't change myself fast enough to please her better. I'm terrible at flirting and sweet-talking and she probably deserves someone who's better at those. I might be a romantic, but it's hardly showing. I'm clumsy to evoke other feelings than irritation, boredom and anger, but she's also prone to get bored easily and probably wonders that I've lasted this long not boring her out of her mind.

We're drifting apart and we can't even start discussing about improving the situation without ending up in a heated argument, or at least in giving each other the silent treatment. So yes, it is inconvenient to drag on. She wants a taste of something new and I'm getting really tired of even the idea of having any romantic realtionship at all, if it's going to be like this.

 

I would say that girls enjoy the sweet talk and perhaps a bit of flirtation (some much, some next to none), but they should be much more after your romantic interior than a flirtacious exterior that you don't seem to have... or want to have.

From what I've seen or experienced, being good at flirts makes people flirt with you to boost their egos or pass the time nicely, but this doesn't mean you "get anything". Or rather you could even "get something" but it's not really something you're looking for. If you're good at sweet talk, the opposite gender, especially friends, will come to you for it when it needs some and potential for confusion is huge. So there are downsides both where you are and where you aren't.

Don't know what you understand, or what she understands, by being unable to fall in love with you but the highly hormonal, enthusiastic state lasts only a year. After that year, effects resembling psychosis pass. For some people it's more or less than a year and it may well return between the same two persons, but it normally lasts one year, anyway. If passion fades, doesn't mean there's no love in the more serene, lasting sense. People who have been married for a longer time seem to have the same level of hormones and other such, as bachelors and spinsters from what I know.

Well, it doesn't look like you're the only guilty one. It's difficult to have a relationship with people who have issues, especially if they expect the relationship to remedy their problems. If she wants a taste of something new... that's nothing you could possibly be faulted for. Perhaps she needs a lot of stimulation, perhaps some living large, perhaps some extreme experience. No wonder you don't feel like being in any relationship with all that. You don't seem to be an aggressive or boring type and you aren't bad at words, especially considering you're speaking a foreign language that's far from being related to your own, so perhaps you're just feeling like that. You seem to be a modest guy and most women (well, maybe not girls but women) should definitely appreciate that. Maybe this one is a little different, has some different needs (well, each one is different and has specificc needs but you catch my drift), so it doesn't work out. But don't blame yourself more than needed.

 

...thanks...

About that falling in love bit, I think that what we're both after is the rekindling of the emotion...which happens ever so rarely, and not the head-over-heels kind. Sadly it might be that we haven't actually even had that kind of falling in love with each other. (at this point the audience winces, and asks themselves 'How did you expect it would turn out?')I could be wrong on her part however, but then she'd have to get seriously disillusioned, since an ongoing quest to find such love will only end up in discontent. But that might be only my opinion about it.

I don't think that I'm able to continue this relationship running hot and cold all the time. So for the mental health, or for the piece of mind we both have to move on, however painful that might be. The time for severing our paths will come next year, if no improvement happens.

The future is somewhat frightening...I don't think that I will be able to trust anyone as much as I trusted her, but that time will hopefully come some day. She did betray my trust already, although it could've been worse...she didn't go "too far" with another person, but man was I boiling with rage nevertheless. Infatuation, or even falling in love might be excusable in my books, but this went a little further and a little too far for my liking.

Good luck that neither of us is not hanging on to this relationship for our lives. It might be difficult to move on, but I think that we'll survive without each other...

Thanks for letting me rant about this...and special thanks to Chevalier for the feedback...

 

Why kidding? It's a valid choise when the other option is a lecherous, cold european. A woman that has grown in the poverty is humble and definitely more active in the pairing if it means that she can live in comfort for the rest of her life (perhaps even send some money to support her relatives too). And if you don't like her, you can always keep it in the pay-per-visit level.

 

@Chev: Well, I just feel it. It's kinda hard to explain, but I just know it. Time will tell whenever I am right, or not, to put such faith in a relationship.

@Wirhe: Hehe, well, if you look at this way... but I don't think love can be purchased.

 

Hmmm... so there was this girl. I was kind of planning on asking her if she wanted to make our agreed meeting of the going-to-the-movies typpe a date rather than just a movie night. Only, she tells me that the guy she has been crushin on likes her back, and there's now much boyfriend/girlfriend type of happiness.

So yeah. I'm happy for her and allt hat, but.... yeah.

 

pay low, yeah nut theyy pet vis of... ****ing horoscpoe, thou other vusy thould eat my crap amd die

 

Well a bit of an update for those interested:

I have done much thinking about what happened between myself and my ex-girlfriend. The truth is that she had the courage to leave a failed relationship, and I did not. The real me wanted our relationship to end a long time ago, but the rationalizing portion of me convinced my decision making that it was more beneficial to stay in the relationship. A friend of mine said it perfectly, "You can't fake a good relationship. And you can't make excuses for one." If she had not had the courage to leave, we may have lived on to become quite miserable old people, alone each in our togetherness.

The fact that I must now live with Dave, and Dave only, has forced me to start to work with Dave. I am starting to realize that I am quite "fractured". I have this inner core, whom I would call the "real me", and then a rationalizing layer covers that, and then outermost is the person other people get to see. Well, the disconnect between all three is just killing the real me. The outermost layer of Dave is (or was) just a marionette of the rationalizing layer, and not whom I actually am. I think most of this is due to pride and fear. But the real me can no longer stand this arrangement. So I am changing.

Just some advice to all of you: start a journal. It is an unbelievably valuable resource.

 

@Ichor: I've had that one lie and you are out policy for some time. Cheating... cheating depends. I believe that people can control themselves and they don't just forget that they are in a relationship when they go to bed with someone else. Things like getting a bit too mushy and cuddly to call it pure friendly contact can happen without people realising. Much depends on people's mood, hormones, loneliness and the like. When it comes to kissing other than the friendly pecks on the cheek (or hand kissing if it's still done), or groping or the kind of flirting that resembles sexual roleplaying more than an elaborate exchange of compliments, that's when things get bad. I remember forgiving such things but it does make the relationship harder to maintain. As for attraction/loneliness struggles that take a person too far but are marked by a victory in the end, I wouldn't even want to hear about those. It's pretty normal if there's more struggling than indulging in it. After all, people don't magically become ugly, stupid and boring when you get into a relationship with someone. Besides, friendship can be quite affectionate at times (especially for people who have physically expressed affection a lot with parents and siblings -- they won't automatically understand certain signs of affection as sexual and intended only for the romantic partner, even if other people might). Sometimes people will need appreciation and it can take them too far in showing off to get it, too. What's worrying is when the small things stop being the way the organism works but starts being a hobby or when the moderate things happen too often or when big things start to happen (kissing on the lips or groping privates, horny messages, perhaps a couple of other things). Perhaps what she did isn't even worth thinking about...

And I think it's good you were able to talk and you neither want to preserve the relationship at all costs, nor to get your freedom back ASAP. Hope it works out for both of you, whichever way it goes.

Hmm, on second thought, don't you feel manipulated sometimes? It looks a bit as if you underrate yourself, feel guilty a lot and all... while she's the one who has violated your trust and her issues get less publicity than your anger and attention span problems. Plus, the feeling you aren't good enough at flirting and sweet-talking, while she deserves someone who is -- isn't that some kind of reasoning that serves to justify her getting mushy with that guy and perhaps make your feel guilty for leading to it (and having a problem with it)?

@DotW: Good luck again.

@LNT: Same to you. Best of luck on your journey.

 

Seems you have gained much insight, LNT. Good on ya, buddy. Isn't life a long learning experience?

And best of luck to you, Ichor. Better to realize it now (although painful as it must be), than too late.

And thanks again, Chev. You'll be the first invited if I ever marry her.

 

A little update on my part...

The matter's settled, for now at least. I'm sitting in an internet cafe right now, waiting for the moving van to arrive and the radio plays 'All by my self' (- can't remember who's the singer on that one), and that's exactly how it is.

I'm not regretting anything and I don't feel like I've rushed into anything I'd regret later on. For me to move now already was a better thing since living together was starting to be too difficult.

I really tried to forgive and forget, but her last years little fling was really eating me up. Ever since that happened we started permanently drifting apart each other and now, in the end we were more like good friends or siblings, no matter how I hate the cliche of saying that.

So now the future's really open, since our relationship's no longer holding me back anymore. If we wouldn't have broken up, then I would've had to make serious compromises on what I'm going to do with my life. So now I consider myself free, for better or for worse. And if I ever plan to start a romantic relationship again (not anytime soon), I do realise that I have to make compromises in some cases eventually.

But now's the van coming, so I have to go.

 

I haven't nothing to rant about. My girlfriend and I are incredibly happy.

 

Hah, at least SP has one or two good stories about relationship! I hope it continues going well, Benan.

 

Oh no. I have my fair share of negative stories about past relationships. But I sensed alot of negativity and sadness in this thread and figured "Hey lets post something good."


I was also in a good mood from the night before from meeting her parents and haveing that go well. And spending the next 7 hours with her.

 

Well, I too, lack something negative to rant about right now. Things are going smooth with my love... but hey, who knows what the future holds. (At least the in-laws like me...) we'll see what happens. We're taking things things on a daily basis. That doesen't mean we won't make any plans... but as for now, it's totally out of consideration. Time will tell.

 

Looks like some Christmas spirit.

 

Aah... love... I have given this feeling but have never recieved it... *sigh*

Despite my sexiness It seems I have a -20 to all social checks against females.. . Even my friends agree...

 

Me and Mrs. Palm are doing great.

 

Ok then, to continue the trend in this thread - I am still happily married! Yay!

 

Mrs Palm?

@JiggaJay: Been there, been on the other side. It doesn't get much better when you get +20 to checks... There have been quite a lot of attractive people dying single. What you get with +20 is people who fall for your high roll and not for your character itself, if you know what I mean. Besides, with love, I guess, you always have to think about receiving, not about getting. Besides, you're a guy and guys seem to be more involved in relationships in the sense of making first steps, efforts and whatever such, don't they? I've known quite a number of great guys who never seem to be able to find a woman who gives of herself as much as they do. Don't get me wrong, I also have known good girls hurt by bad guys but what I'm describing is what guys typically get. I suppose this may be connected with the fact that we are more open, more inclined to tackle things head on and put ourselves into it, and we change less. As a rule. I've known a couple of sorry exceptions.

@HB: Something must be wrong, I'm telling you.