Random Relationship Babbling Thread (alias Relationship Rant Thread #2)

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Yeah, the fastfood thing is crappy. People lose the big picture and don't think about the future. They just want something here and now. When a better specimen shows up, it's time for upgrade. While I don't believe that people should stick with each other when they don't feel like it, I'm not a fan of the upgrading scheme. It's no longer about persons, it's Boyfriend 1.1, Girlfriend 3.5... there's always boyfriend or girlfriend but only the holder of the office changes. I don't really like that. This doesn't mean I don't believe in going out with a friend if you feel like talking to a girl (guy) or dancing a little, but jumping from one relationship into the other (sometimes before the previous one really ends) gives me a bad vibe.

I suppose it's people's expectation what makes relationships work with few people out of the pool. What's cheating and what's not, what's the acceptable level of hygiene, is clinginess bad or welcome, is a lot of alone time needed or just a little. And, of course, all the physical stuff. Perhaps in smaller communities (and communities were a lot smaller at the time when the only one person legends and ethos originated), the effect is that those are indeed met by only one person, maybe two. Or perhaps they aren't met, so the person closest to meeting them is the one.

[ January 02, 2006, 22:00: Message edited by: chevalier ]

 

Bringing some positive vibes back. I still have nothing to complain about. Except maybe not being able to spend enough time together.

That and the bruises on my neck/shoulders from New Years. But thats an adult story.

 

Bruises, is it, Benan? Geez, you certaintly play ruff.

Agreed. I wouldn't have said it better, Chev.

 

Chev&DotW: You're so right.

But since I have serious doubts that I'll ever meet this woman I'm infatuated with after January, I'd rather tell her about my feelings and leave it at that.

Should she feel the same, she can do something about it when or if she ever feels like it. My biggest bet is that I'll be turned down and nothing will come out of it, which might be a good thing.

Mulling over things I didn't do and things I didn't say is too familiar to me. I've decided that I'll break that routine and not be terrified of every single possible consequence.

 

Hmm... what about reading books, watching movies, playing games and hanging out with friends for a week or two before telling her? On one hand, this should clear your head and prevent you from acting on weird impulses. On the other hand, you could loose quite a lot of the time remaining. Then again, it's not like you would like to start a relationship just before someone leaves. Besides, who knows how long the longing will be after she does. If I were in your shoes, I would probably let her know I'm interested without speaking it out and in such a way that doesn't absolutely require a reaction or oblige to return the favour, so that she could act on it if she's interested, accept if she doesn't mind, get you back if she doesn't like it. Red roses work like charm in such circumstances... Women always know what they mean but they can always conveniently ignore the meaning.

 

Maybe a single red rose might do..Anything else might be pressing the matter.

And if nothing else, I'll have the memory of giving a rose to the person I care for. Nothing to lose, but a delightful little memory to gain.

Thank you again, Chevalier.

 

Hope it works for you. If I were you, I'd also make sure I've made up my mind in case the girl actually takes it well and wants a relationship with you. Especially if she's leaving soon, the feeling of (potential) loss may be turning on and blurring things a bit. I think it would be a good idea to make a little check for no-no's (e.g. I don't take inconsistencies, many secrets or poor hygiene or rude manners well and I won't have sex before marriage, someone else wants only people with a certain income, IQ, weight/height or something, or only roleplayers or no roleplayers or hates children or has a pet snake longer than all your computer cables put together... others will want you to convert to their religion or something, you get the idea ) before jumping in.

 

Chev, your title should be "Official counselor of SP"

My gf and I will soon celebrate our first month together soon. Not much, you'll probably say, but as I can't remember who said, "Even the longest journey begins with small steps."

 

Where did that come from? I wonder how many people here would see that as a 'no-no' or whether it would just make her seem even more exotic and enticing.

 

What's wrong with exotic pets? I own two Emperors (scorpion, that is) and while my gf is a bit scared of them, I agree with HB, that's not a "no-no".

 

Did I say it was my no-no? But I can imagine it being so for someone, although perhaps women are more inclined to dislike reptiles than men. Who are reptiles, after all.

Erm. Right. Calling someone a reptile in Polish is like calling him a bastard in English but more vile and more fun. There's no way you could have known, but it's still fun.

And I own a tortoise.

BTW, no-no's can be absolutely bizarre and what's a yes-yes for one person is a no-no for another. Just think of bodily hair as an example.

[ January 06, 2006, 02:59: Message edited by: chevalier ]

 

Tortoise? Blech. Boooooooooooooring. You can't scare the hell out of someone with a freakin tortoise!

end of

 

"*scream* Your pet rock MOVED!"

Didn't happen to me, tho

 

You certainly can't be worst than I am.

Well, I just had a call from my gf... they're heading back to Venezuela. Can't say I blame them. Why live in an appartment in a cold country when you can live in a tropical paradise in a fully paid house?

It's not that worst, however. She did offered me to go with them... but I cannot leave so long as I am not completly done with school.

That sucks. Now the choice is in my hands: either try to work this relationship in long distance, or put it on ice for the time being. Meh. Fate is a bitch.

 

Good luck. If you're calling her the love of your life, it would suck to cut the relationship. If she offers to take you along, I suppose it means a lot to her and, well, it looks like it's her senior family members who make the decision, not she, so it's not like she's choosing between going back and you... I would try long-distance.

I'm not a big fan of paused relationships because people who are in those inevitably end up meeting other people and perhaps having relationships, which means that someone will be hurt when the big come back finally happens. Plus, it's difficult to be alone sometimes but it's pointless to have relationships that aren't supposed to last. And it's a strange situation when someone has obligations of that kind towards more than just one person. One big mess, if you want my opinion. It would suck for you to end up there.

 

Yeah, one hell of a ****ing mess, that's for sure. Would it not be for the fact that I still have two years of school to do, I'd go with them without a single after-thought, as I have no ties here, but for the time being it's just not possible.

*sigh* I am willing to give a try to long-distance, but those relationships are kind of hard. I know that all too well.

She's not leaving until next week, which gives me time to ponder on what happens now, and to talk it over with her.

 

Two years sound like an awful lot of time, but it won't be so when those two years have passed and, hypothetically, you're single and she has a boyfriend there. On the other hand, perspectives change. Does she have a computer with internet access over there or can both of you afford prolonged international calls on a frequent basis? If not, it's really going to be hard.

 

Yeah, she has internet and I have it too, and I also have a CrackBerry for email and calls, so not much problems as for communication, here.

But she did promised to visit me whenever she can... and I can visit her too during holidays and during summer, so it won't be two complete years without seeing her. That's a small consolation.

 

Looks good. Some people don't get as much when they both live in the same city.

 

Feh, thought my situation over and came to my senses. Goes to show how someone's judgement is impaired when that someone's has the flu...too much snot...can't...think..

But now I'm back in shape and looking forward in upgrading myself into m.e 2.0, the faster, more sociable, possibly funnier, more agile version of my old self. Just wait 'til I get into the market by the end of this year, grrowr.

edit: So yes, being single doesn't frighten me anymore, and I'm slowly getting used to it. Not having a significant other as a crutch all the time will help me grow as an individual. A good thing all in all, such is life. Ho hum..