Relationship Rant Thread #3

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Yeah, you should start with this

 

Ara, I'm considering buying that for myself!

 

@Cúchulainn: you can be certain about this
@Ara: omg! I must have this!

 

Less chanting, more ranting.

I miss my girlfriend, we haven't seen each other in a while... and to make matters worse, I have developed a slight crush on the actress Sarah Carter

 

Uytuun, Chev, and Harby, I realized you were right, and I took a leap of faith with the woman I love with all my soul and sent her a message telling her how I felt for her.

I am waiting for her answer, and I'm hoping she feels the same for me. If she doesen't... I have a fine and true friend in her. If she does, then I'm sure our union will be a long and prosper one.

Uytuun, I barely know you, but thank you for your advice. I for one would be glad to know you better.

Chev, despite our differences, you have been a fine friend. Despite our moral differences, I for one am glad to call you a friend.

Harby, we don't especially get along, and I truly enjoy poking fun of you, but your input is always appreciated, although I can't help but think you're mocking me in the SP IWD2 adventure thread.

Thank you all for your input.

And Undertaker, a drink to your health. Becoming a father is a big event. Had the incident involving my fiancee didn't happened, I would be father of a four years old daughter.

[ August 05, 2006, 04:57: Message edited by: Disciple of The Watch ]

 

Thanks DotW, cheers!

 

My pleasure, DotW. Crossing my fingers for a positive outcome.

 

I stumbled upon one of my exes today (that's the not too bad part), she recently moved and now lives 30 seconds away from where I live. So I likely will stumble upon her EVERY day.

F***.

I am everything but glad to see her again.

Oh well. I'm visiting a few appartments tomorrow in prevision of my bro moving out with his soon-to-be-fiancee. It'll be strange to once again be in my very own little space. I think it's a good thing - I mean, I get along with my bro great, but I need my own space.

 

Odd, I have fine relationships with my exes and if we were to cross one another in the street there would be no fangs out or sneering going on. How could you possibly dislike her so much to dislike even having contact with her, DotW?

 

I catch up with one of my exes for lunch twice a year (on her birthday and my birthday).

 

Some of my exes or could have beens are still friends or would be treated as such if we were to meet, some would have to be treated as friends for social reasons but wouldn't be as much internally welcome as a real friend, so to say. Feuding is not my cup of tea, I wish them all the best and I hope they (will) have all found the guy they need, but I totally can't understand the idea of giving exes some kind of special positive status, either, as in a special category with additional right above those of a (good) friend. If I ever want to see any, it's because of friendship reasons plus maybe a surviving soft spot (in some cases it may remain a close person), but that would be it.

 

She was my first serious love after my fiancee, and was the first in a serie of three to cheat on me. We had a nice relationship going on, which was smooth sailing, and her cheating on me was an act of sheer malice. I had just gotten back from a trip through emotional hell, and she just pushed me back in.

Some time after, she came back to me begging for my forgiveness, which incensed me even more. She was seeking forgiveness for an act of sheer malice. Worst ever, last time we met (excluding tonight) she offered to be my **** buddy.

This gal is truly bad news. And I totally loathe the concept of staying friends with an ex. I have no desire to remain friends with exes because 99.9% of the time the relationship ends badly and grimly. We each move on separate ways, and hope to never meet again.

I also don't like remaining in contact with my past.

 

DotW,

I have been through relationship hell in the past. I almost lost my fiance, now wife, a few years ago because of an X. One thing I learned from all of this is the past should stay in the past, especially if it failed. There is a reason why that person is no longer with you any more. I for one almost learned that the hard way. If I would have lost my fiance, now wife, a few years ago I would not have the home I now sit in and a the little girl who sleeping so quitely a few rooms down. These are things I would hate to not have because of something stupid I could have done.

Any one who is or thinking about an x, stop. They will only cause you trouble and make your life worst than what it is now. Xs are your past, learn from it and move on.

 

I can't agree with the idea that you should lose all contact with exes. Often the reason they became your emotional partner is because you met on some common ground and had similar interests and so forth. Sure, there are cases such as DotW has described where the breakup wasn't the best of things, in fact I've had a similar situation with one of my exes yet she's still my friend despite cheating on me - frankly I got over it, frankly I thank her for doing it to me since now I'm far emotionally "tougher" than before.

Some of my exes I have no contact with and I assure you most of the time it isn't by my choice, but I don't like the mentality that you shouldn't have contact with your exes BECAUSE they're your exes. Many of them are female friends I can trust and we don't hide anything from each other because, well, we've seen it all before anyway so if I'm ever having trouble in a relationship I know I can get an honest, female response that I can trust... and I offer them the same except it's a male response.

However I will suggest it's best to have a partner if you're in contact with an ex, otherwise there could be some sexual tension and a longing for companionship, if only to fill the void. Some people won't be bothered by that but most people I know are bothered and I've only recently been able to get out of that situation without requiring my own girlfriend.

Simply put, exes can be good friends, like all people there is no universal rule with them. Don't judge them by what they are but by who they are.

 

You make good points, Abomination, however, the topic of keeping exes as friends is something I will never buy. I guess I have seen so many bad endings that the idea is forever crossed out. I am not exactly good friend material either. I had tons of friends throughout my entire life, but so far 99.8% of them have been expandable.

Back to exes as friends, another point I made earlier in this topic, or the #2, I cannot remember, is that staying friends with an ex is some kind of conscious and willingly imposed emotional rapture. You see the person who once shared your life, flooded with memories of what have been, and that never will be again... I may be a crazy ****er, but I'm not a masochist to willingly suffer emotional torture. Of course the wounds heal - but a scar never totally disappears.

Let me end this with a citation from my brother: "Staying in contact with the past prevents you from moving on to what the future has to offer."

 

So having friends holds you back? Perhaps the future is brighter and better because you have exes as friends? An ex-girlfriend can become a FEMALE friend and I fail to see how having a friend of the opposite gender can be a bad thing. Perhaps you hold on to the whole partner aspect too strongly whereas I've learned to just let it go and never think about it when I see them. Think of them as a new person and you will no longer be 'staying in contact with the past' and rather you'll be keeping them in the present.

 

Point taken.

We don't see eye to eye on the point of exes as friends, and that's just fine with me - everyone is entitled to their own opinion - be it agree or disagree.

Life hasn't taught us the same lessons. Staying friends with an ex is something that always sounded dissonant to my ears, and add 99.8% of my relationships ending badly, and you've got what I have become, what I am today.

Is it truly possible to remain friends with an ex? Perhaps. But I, for one, do not believe in the concept.

 

Agreed. But if someone knows he can't prevent going back emotionally and possibly cheating on the current partner, I think it's reasonable to avoid exes in that case. However, not because they are exes but because meeting them leads to temptation.

And I don't like the mentality that exes should be some special category of friends. I've noticed that many people consider it very important that the new partner shouldn't mind the exes, talking to exes, going out with exes, spending time alone with exes and so on and so forth. It looks like some people just can't let go of the last straws.

Exactly.

Indeed. However, as you will often see, some people cling to the idea of seeing those friends still as exes rather than friends who used to be partners. The whole "ex" thing is confusing and I can understand why some people may have a problem with it.

Good point. Full reconciliation would normally lead to getting back together as romantic partners. Unless the history of a failed relationship becomes old stuff and there is no wishing that one could be back together, it won't really be just friends. I suppose it also matters who it was before. If it was a friend before, you will have some incentive and some reason to stay friends. But if it was some attractive stranger who charmed you one day and your acquaintance was a romance from the beginning until the point where she cheated on you or something, then it sounds like a crazy idea to stay friends.

 

*EDIT* Damn my emotional overreaction.

[ August 19, 2006, 06:24: Message edited by: Disciple of The Watch ]

 

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.