Relationship Rant Thread #3

Remove all ads!

@Enagonios: Nothing wrong with having a friend, but it's always a problem to talk with someone just because he or she is unreturnedly into you. Having a girlfriend or not.

Where your friends are right, however, is that the fact you have a girlfriend doesn't mean you should stop talking to any other female for longer than 15 minutes once a week.

 

a bit too much here I think. She's INTO me, not IN LOVE with me

hehe, point.

Anyway, the "problem" solved itself. During one of the messages, she was describing a restaurant in her area and said "you should take your girlfriend there."

Now, for those of you that don't know, this is a "test the waters" kind of line and the issuer's next move will depend on the type of answer they recieve. While not exactly an expert, I'm no novice either, so I gave the only safe answer there was: "you make it sound pretty good, maybe i will"

A denial of having a gf at all would totally screw me, and the "oh, you know i have a gf/know her" answer would definitely spread and screw me eventually

 

I really ****ed things up with my girlfriend. Really badly. I don't know how it will turn out, and I hope not too negatively (right now 'well' is out of the question, I think), because I love her and I don't think I can handle the idea of her leaving me.

I have an inability to talk, essentially, and I almost talked myself out of our relationship. It sounded like I was accusing her of cheating and that I don't trust her, when all I wanted her to tell me is how she feels about me (because I think in a relationshipe, the two people in it should know what is going on with the other). So when I went to apologize to her about sounding accusative (I didn't mean to), I think I made things worse. I don't feel like going into too much detail other than saying I love her (I am serious, not what most of you will assume because I am 16 years old), and losing her would be absolutely terrible (I don't know how to describe it... awful, horrendous, and mindblowingly unbearable don't seem to quite cover it).

Lovely.

 

Maybe tell her this little part.

Honesty rules all. And don't dramatise...easier said than done, I know. But still. Good luck.

 

Yeah, listen to Uytuun. A couple tips from my old cynical self to go with it. Don't let her extrapolate what you said into something more serious or wider or otherwise bigger and guilt-trip you. In other words, don't let her reactions make you feel worse (or more guilty) than you really should. And don't let the fear of losing her prevent you from speaking what you really think when you speak it at all. Good luck.

 

I think I should give her time... she feels attacked, and I don't want to push it even furthur, because if I have confidence in one thing, it is my lack of articulation when it comes to important matters. Plus I haven't told her that I love her, I'm not sure how she'll react, especially now.

If after a while, I'm still in this chasm I threw myself into, I'll tell her what you two suggested. But for now, I think giving her time is my best option for not ****ing things up even more that I have.

 

*hands Saber a shovel*

Have fun.

And oh, Murphy's law.

On describing the feeling, let me help. Like someone's slowly, over several days, ripping your heart off while sticking needles into it, like someone's bashing your head with a two-by-four while sticking knives in your back, like you're going to die to sheer physical pain alone, nevermind the mental pain, and dying to the physical pain would be considered preferable.

The more you hope and fear, the harder the fall. Take it easy.

 

Emo alert! Emo Alert!

For the first time in a while, mine is going fine. All quiet on the western front, but I'm okay with it. For now

 

Taza is right here. It is a feeling I know too well. That doesen't automatically label us as emos. If so... then [censored].

 

DoTW, that was a joke. I fully understand what he said. I believe I've posted a few pages of it here myself.

 

You know, guys, if an alien came across this board and based his knowledge of the sexes on what you write, he'd think you're enslaved and tortured by a demonic race also known as womankind.

I promise we're only as bad as you are.

 

@Utyuun: What? No! I'm innocent! Innocent!

In any case, I just watched an episode of Six Feet Under and boy did that ever take me back down the memory lane. I used to watch that show with my ex and now on hindsight, watching that with my ex was extremely ironic, since because of the last couple of years I can relate to some of the plot twists really well, what with my ex cheating on me and her dad dying and all that...

In any case, I'
m just wondering...how long does it actually take to get over your past relationship. This is getting really old already and it's hasn't been even a full year yet. I'm sick of every little thing reminding me of her and I'm tired of being alone, but I'm also tired of wanting to be in a relationship so badly. I've been falling in and out of love for several times this autumn and that's getting really tiresome as well.

I want to feel numb. I want it to be like I don't care about the next pretty girl who comes along my way. I want to be oblivious to this primal urge that drives men and women together and makes them do foolish things in the name of love. For instance, I have to go to every single possible party before christmas so that I'd meet this one girl with whom we might have a mutual interest towards each other. I almost called her last night, but we're not that close, so it was a good thing that I didn't. If I don't see her this year, I know where to reach her in the spring. It's just so hard to wait until spring so that I might have only a possibility of knowing what's going on between the two of us. Damn.

@Taza: You're speaking my language. That feeling I got to know only too well. About two weeks before we finally decided to separate with my ex it was like that. Every single day. Reminding myself what that was like is quite efficient if I start to miss my ex too much.

 

Depends. Also on the aspect you're considering. I remember making moves on someone else one day after being turned down, but on the other hand, there are things that I still don't quite feel like talking about too much.

Poor you. I sort of know the feeling. But it's destructive. I think it would be better to contact her and ask if she would go with you... or even just ask if she's going to be there - because otherwise you won't go (which is true) or because you hope you'll meet her there. You could always offer to meet up in a cafe and talk a bit or go somewhere else. Chances are she feels the same and wouldn't mind an opportunity to get to know you a bit (before making any decisions or moves) or even just some company.

 

I just met someone new, and I'm absolutely terrified of the "Oh, my God, am I more into them than they're into me?" syndrome. Just how many texts or phonecalls a day is acceptable? I've never been too good at telling the difference. All I know is that after long periods of estrangement (Meaning over 20 minutes) I have the overwhelming urge to text and phone and email over the top until I've successfully scared away the likely candidate.

So do you wait for them to text/call/email you first every time, or do you send the occasional message just to make sure they're still alive?

I've been known to scare peeps away in the past by being too 'into' someone and I'm anxious not to make the same mistake again, as I really really like this one.

By the way, I'm rubbish at this as you can tell, so any help would be well appreciated

@Iko, supposedly it takes 3 months to get over someone for every year you were together. This is (Obviously) a generalisation, but where love's concerned, isn't everything?

 

The golden rule is to put yourself in their shoes and try and think about how your behaviour would look in through their eyes (sorry about the mixed metaphor there).

 

I've always found the line from Better then Ezra's "Hung the Moon" "Always remember don't let the words you held leave your head" worked best when relating with women.

I understand what is typically considered to female communication style in theory, but always fail miserably when it is put into practice. Unfortunately society puts such a premium in assertive communication. As much as being assertive is suppose to respect the feelings of others, it fails to take the desires of others into account. Studies show that women communicate in such a way that takes others feelings into account and does not push their own desires, but that sure as hell doesn't stop them from getting mad when you think their communication style is that of them asking you want to do with out returning the favor.

I swear, life would be infinitely easier if the two sexes spoke the same language.

 

@ Jan - All I can say is don't over do it. How long have you known each other? Does she ever call / text you? And lastly how does she react when you call her? Does she seem keen to talk or are the conversations short? If its the latter then maybe you need to slow things down and build up a relationship. If she is keen when you call her then still dont "suffocate" her, if she has the same feelings for you than she'll look foward to you calling, so leave her wanting more of you! In my opinion though 20 minutes is far too shorter time to be contacting her, again it depends on how advanced the relationship, if it's quite a new one then I'd say once a day or every few days, give her a call and see how she reacts. If she starts calling you out of the blue then thats a good sign and you can keep in touch with her more often. Hope that makes some sort of sense.

 

I guess you can avoid double-sending and take some time to reply to the longer stuff. The shorter stuff you can reply as it arrives. "I'll phone you," kind of thing means around 3 days, but 2 will be good as well. Don't specifically ask her to reply (...but be a smart boy and ask a question or two that doesn't look overly rhetorical). Don't pull her tongue if she doesn't want to talk about something. And this is probably all.

 

Slight exaggeration on my part We've been texting each other a few times each day so far (As much on her part as mine) so I think I've managed to find a happy medium.

Got a date tonight so it seems to be going well! Wish me luck!

 

So.... the guy I am in love with, posts a rant on his blog about how he abso****ingluflutely never wants to fall in love again... you can imagine how confused this makes me feel. *sigh*