Relationship Rant Thread #3

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Yes, I agree. We complain alot about nice guys not getting the girl, even when they complain in front of us, but I have to say: Being nice isn't all, there has to be something there... something emotional, besides the feeling of friendship. To be more blunt, she has to like you romantically to want to date you, being nice, or 'perfect boyfriend material' ( I've had that one a few times...) is not enough.

Not sure what that had to do with anything...

 

...And this self-destructive game keeps going on.

Just today, a short time after she and her bf arrived, they came to join us outside school. We were in a corner where there is no sunlight, and it was a sunny day today, so they moved to somewhere sunny. A few minutes later, she shouts "Bring your pretty face over here!"

I just shrugged, and got out to take a bit of sun, it won't kill me, after all I'm always living like a vampire. Then I ask her "What's with my pretty face?", to which she simply answers "Why, I am just saying the truth. You're cute."

Most interesting part is that her bf was standing RIGHT BESIDE her, and no doubts he heard that. So either he's blind, stupid, or doesen't give a ****.

Try thinking of something else when THOSE kind of things happen. I can't wait until next saturday, where we'll sort things out. The only difficulty I foresee is to be honest without being too blunt.

Now that I think of it, I haven't heard anything from her friend, the one I met briefly at school, who was supposed to join our motley bunch next september. Either she's not interested, or maybe she IS interested, but that my "friend" keeps it covered to have me completly for her.

Oh ****, look at me, I am overanalyzing again.

BTW, chev (as ever) and DJ, I appreciate your valuable input. It's been of trememdous help. But the hardest part is to get her out of me. A battle against my own desires and instincts. It will not be easy.

 

They want their boyfriend to treat them the same way a girlfriend would treat them, that's why they have you as a friend, but at the same time, they don't want you to treat the rest of the world that way. Cuddly to them, but cool (aw in calm and collected) and more powerful to the rest of the world. The "less nice guy" fills the need of the traditional masculine figure, the one they're genetically programmed to pick (much like how as men are programmed to chase a certain set of physical features). Modern society no longer allows those genetic selections to result in good relationships (most of the time) because of the amount of luxury we have (we're forced to be much more intimate then we would naturally be). Hence they want a guy who can provide a relationship, but at the same time they must contend with genetic hardwiring.

 

@Saber: Yeah, it typically means the thing Ilmater described, but sometimes they just simply don't fall for you. It may be perfect-on-all-accounts boyfriend material without things simply clicking right. Or the perfect material may still be flawed somehow. Or not even flawed but equipped with some qualities the girl doesn't like.

@DotW: The pretty face isn't really so extreme of itself, that is the words only, unless it's for context. But I guess the context was at least ambiguous. If you really have a pretty face and my girlfriend said that, I probably wouldn't be bothered. Much different with a new crush, though. I guess he's got used to her and has grown to trust her. A woman can appreciate your good looks and attractiveness on other levels without being into you (the acknowledged perfect boyfriend material of a friend example), or she could even say she'd be into you if she weren't taken. This is a tad bit less easy for guys. In her case, though, I think her fascination with you is quite sexual and she's likely aiming for a relationship on the side, or at least some compensational heavy flirting to make up for what she isn't getting from her boyfriend.

 

...which is ironic, because I had my star chart done recently, and while I don't believe in those things, he did mentioned there would be a woman in my life pretty soon - not on the love, but the sexual plan, which is even more ironic, because I am a firm believer that sex is something special and should be shared ONLY with someone just as special.

Maybe, but add that to the other little pieces of the puzzle collected so far, and it's forming a consistant pattern, wouldn't you say?

I'm quite looking foward to next saturday's little chat with her. Whatever the outcome, it MUST come to an end.

 

The star thing is coincidence. Those people make it up all the time, so they are bound to get it right once or twice.

Yeah, it's called spouse.

Some crushes are harmless, if perhaps sometimes a lesson in humility for the stable man or woman who finds out, but that's rare and only if the crush is mild and the person can control his urges. In this case, I think she's been consistent in not only having a crush but even making moves on you. Up until the recent years, I had some friends who would call me sweet names or dance a lot with me or stick close or hug affectionately, that kind of stuff. Until they had wedding dates scheduled or some such, then it stopped even if it had been all just friendly anyway. That kind of thing looked different from what the girl you're talking about has served you so far.

 

You know I don't believe in marriage.

If I want to get ****ed of half of what I have, I'll go to the casino.

Indeed. I am eagerly waiting for next saturday's little head-to-head chat to clear things up. Battling against my desires is unbelievably difficult and it's definitively taking it's toll on my mood - I'm definitively darker, and taking my distances just about everyone. My bro was among the first to notice it.

While we're talking about my brother, his dark beauty didn't gave any sign of life. They were suppose to have a little candlelit dinner tonight, but she never manifested. Not surprisingly, he's brooding and moping. I'm staying on my neutral grounds as ever. Their relationship sure had a bad start.

 

*insert Bonnie Tyler's "Holding out for a Hero" here*

'nuff said. All thge good men seem to have disappeared off the face of the earth.

 

Hey hey hey, I'm still here!

 

Little brothers were created to get in the way of potential romance, weren't they?

Try to have a quiet chat with someone, and they're there, jumping and distracting attention from important things, like me

 

Reminds of me of the talk our military pastor gave us about the greatness of marriage. I didn't know that it was the army's responsibility these days to teach us about familiy values.

Otherwise I just finished the dreaded 75km barett march on wednesday. I'm quite proud of myself having completed it, and my legs are slowly starting to feel alive once again. The last two month period known as the troop training period just began for the six month men, me being a nine month man have not even reached the halfway of my military service. Atleast it should physically get a lot easier now, from what I've heard the barett march is the climax of the physically very demanding part of the service and from there on it should steadily be getting easier.

EDIT: Doh, I mistook this thread for the RB thread. Oh well I suppose the first paragraph had something to do with relationships.

[ May 06, 2006, 16:29: Message edited by: Morgoroth ]

 

Standing someone up is bad, very bad. Maybe he should first listen to his voice messages and read text messages, mail, unconnected calls etc carefully to see if she hadn't been trying to tell him. Otherwise, I say, poof she goes. Someone who doesn't respect you enough to save you several hours by spending two minutes calling or texting you, doesn't respect you enough to be a good girlfriend.

 

Absolutely. No sex without love.

And you don't have to be married to be in love

 

True enough, but see, he's using my Samsung T809, with my Rogers account, which doesen't have voice mail. He kept the phone holstered all evening, from what he told me (I can't confirm since I arrived only at 11PM), and it remained silent until I went to bed, which was around 3 or 4AM. I told him about the bad feeling I had regarding that woman, and he nodded sadly, saying he knew I had some kind of bad feeling, and that he should have listened to the brotherly wisdom. At least this is over with.

My point exactly. I have no problem with engagement (her becoming your fiancee), but marriage... hell no.

On a different note, I am still going at my friend's country cottage later that day. It certainly will be a refreshing change.

 

Loving and being in love is two different things and in many cases of lasting harm, at least one of the persons is in love or thinks he or she is.

Good! Wonder when the woman is going to chime in and want a special position in his life all of a sudden.

Engagement is a promise of marriage, so what point promising if you don't intend ever to deliver?

Hehe.

 

What has been, has been, and never will be again. She is just a *friend*, and I have *no* intentions.

Chime in? That's the beauty of Robbers. He dropped 20$ in the phone and swapped phone numbers in the process. To quote him: "Fcuk you, bitch."

Bah! You and your rhetorical questions! Does engagement absolutly has to mean promise of marriage? The day I'll find the *right* woman for me, maybe I'll change my views on marriage. But until that day...

So, if I understood you correctly, married people truly are in love, while unmarried ones are just loving?

 

I don't think marriage is necessary to prove that you are in love with someone. Feeling it in your heart is good enough.

 

See how you are giving in? Bit by bit and it's not like I'm putting you through the meat grinder yet. I haven't even started.

And yes, engagement absolutely means a promise of marriage. In fact, if you engage with someone, the person already agrees to marry you. You don't even ask, "Shall we engage?" You ask, "Will you marry me? [cheese][cheese]" And she replies, "Yes, I will. [oooh][squeal]" In some cultures, engagement has been enough of a vow to make marriage if the couple slept together afterwards (ancient Israel, Germanic tribes; traces of that you have in Catholicism, where marriage not consummated is already contracted but can be dissolved, while after consummation there's no authority to dissolve it anymore).

Besides, if you're opposed to marriage but not to engagement, which is already a formal relationship, and you're intending to live together and have sex, then what do you have a problem with? Changing names, wearing rings, paying taxes together? Don't need to do any of those.

Never said that. They may well be in love. But what kind of love is it when people are afraid to commit? There's no such thing as love until we're tired or love until we find a better one or love until you cheat. There's love (not necessarily in a cheese romantic or otherwise mushy sense) till death. If one claims that's what one wants, then what problem does one have with marriage? I'll tell you. One wants to have an emergency door. And that's what all those arguments against marriage come down to: to a lesser bonding together than marriage is, so that one can always leave at some point. Perhaps one won't use the door ever, but think what if another romance started or if the other person cheated or if careers stopped coinciding. Tadaaa, "We weren't married," from the same person who so ardently didn't believe marriage made any difference when it came to getting laid. Pwned!

Perhaps you feel that in your heart and I grant you it's long way from casual sex, which in turn is different from shameless putting out. But what guarantee do you have that what you feel is real and that the other person feels the same and isn't trying to get laid? Or that your feelings or the other person's won't change? Some people have sex "out of love" with a couple of people per year.

Besides, in some of those love-based views, there's simply wanting to have sex and feeling something on the emotional side is used as an excuse to class it as something better than the other person is doing, who puts out at parties or has **** buddies.

If you guys want to continue disagreeing with me, it might be wise to jump into the fire in the Alley, though.

 

Bah! I'm through arguing with ya, chev. This isn't the friggin Alleys, and I don't intend to pursue that topic there, either. We obviously have views that are worlds apart.

 

DotW: If it makes you feel better, my fiancee and I became engaged about a year ago, and have no real intention of getting married. We live together, have a daughter, and have no desire to NOT be together... but we don't see the point of going through an elaborate and expensive ceremony just to prove that we're the perfect match.
So THERE.