Relationship Rant Thread #3

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My wife and I were together for 5 years before we got married so I guess I have been on both sides of this discussion.

 

Marriage doesn't presuppose a big wedding party as a prerequisite. And just admit the pwnage, DotW.

 

Bah, if I feel love, thats enough. If my love changes, so be it. I don't need a ceremony or a ring to show my love, or to guarantee (sp) it. You may believe people who don't like marriage are cop-outs, but I don't.

 

Hey, but you've just said that if your love changes, then be it. So you are only affirming that yes, you don't believe in marriage because you want the emergency door.

 

HA! Here is a living proof of my point. Thanks, DJ, I feel like giving you a big hug.

Chev, I used to be in the very same situation. I guess I don't need to elaborate it for you, hmm? Suffice to say that I think exactly like DJ. Besides, engagement doesen't HAVE to be a promise of marriage - it can simply be a symbol of love, and I think both DJ and I have proved that.

I agree with Saber, here. And no, I don't admit to anything. I don't believe in marriage, and that's it. In your book, engagement is a promise of marriage, in MY book, it's a symbol of love. I don't need to have an official paper to confirm that the woman I am with is the one I have chosen to share my life (or a part of) with. Enough said.

 

Kinda like divorce.

Where do you get the ego?

Erm...and with that I'm gone. I don't know what I'm doing in the RRT anyway.

 

Susi!!! What are you doing here!!! Get out of here!!!

Just kidding. Glad you decided to join the fun.

I'm looking foward to saturday for the little head-to-head chat. I can't help but to have a doubt in the back of my mind, she's been giving me some pretty hungry looks. I'll just have to carry a bucket of ice and shove a scoop in my boxers. But on a more serious note, even though she's tempting, it's just not worth it. Besides, there is a special little someone of whom I have grown fond of.

 

And who would that be?

 

Wouldn't you like to know?

I've been in a foul, and pretty erratic behavior those last days, fed up and tired of everything, and it seems that taking my distances from my so-called "friends" works like a charm. The chasm is slowly an steadily growing. That's good. Better that if it happens now than later.

"I came to this world as an alien, an outcast, I never belonged and I never will."

 

Ah, the ol' 'Ice in the pants' trick. Works every time


Eh, for my rant now:
A while back (1.5-2 years), I kind of had a falling out with a really good friend. I screwed things up majorly (One of the two things I regret in my life), and although we made up, things weren't really the same ever. We go to the same school now, but I haven't really hung out with her very much. I would like to become friends again with her, because I miss her friendship (and my current friends are getting old ). I don't really know how to approach her about it.

And Note: I'm not attracted to her, I just want to be friends. I would in no way jeopardize my relationship with my girlfriend either.

 

Well, things are patched up with Mrs Brallrock and me. Kicked the kids to a sitter and had a evening to our selves, and talked it all out. Nothing like making up.

You keep that ice handy DoTW.

@Saber, try honesty, tell her how you feel, that you are sorry you messed things up, and that you would like to be friends. That's what I would do.

 

Will do, will do. Like I said, she's pretty damn tempting, but it's just not worth it, even though her bf has a tendency not to appreciate her to her true value.

Glad to hear that.

 

@DotW: Not to appraise her net value as if she were a commodity, but what about her making moves on you all time and ones of a definitely sexual kind, not merely just vaguely romantic? Perhaps you aren't an isolated case and perhaps her boyfriend sees her for the flirtacious girlfriend she is and can't be comfortable with her because of her attitude?

@Brallrock: Congrats, that's great to hear.

@Saber: No games, no pretence, just talk. And perhaps try to avoid idealising her too much, so that you don't expect too much of her, aren't disappointed if it works or depressed if it doesn't.

 

Maybe. Don't ask me to think too hard at 2AM, before my going to work. But that's a likely possibility. At any rate, I'll just grit my teeth, and think of my special little one - I don't think the ice will be needed. I won't be a pawn in her game, regardless of how tempting she can be.

Besides, it would be against my "no love, no sex" moral principle. Yes, I am chaotic and unpredictible, BUT I have my own moral golden rules to which I will forever stick to.

 

Quick question, to those lucky enough to have experienced it. How do you know you are in love? Is it just a gut feeling that you get? And what if you cant actually tell the person you love them, is being able to say it in your head enough?

 

I can't tell you what is love (as I often think I'm in it, only to find I'm not), but leaving the feeling in your head is utterly worthless unless you like suffering. I find I often can't talk through words, so I resort to letters. It's much easier to act when anxiety created by her proximity isn't acting on your brain.

Then again I suppose it depends on how important love is to. I've been almost a year on my own and love isn't a high priority so keeping any feeling I think is love to myself doesn't overwhelm me. About a year ago however, I was so overwhelmed with feelings it was eating me up inside not to tell her... though I now wish I hadn't and not because she was a horrible person; she was a nice girl and all, but all those feelings I thought I felt were not anywhere near as strong as I though they were.

Funny thing feelings are; in my finite wisdom feelings have taught me that unless they instruction to act in some sort of socially destructive way or such, they're better off acted upon as a few moments of akwardness are better then reflection of what could have. A feeling you keep solely to yourself, you might as well not have.

 

Love...is a very funny thing. It's different for every person, so I can't tell you what it'd be like for you, but I can tell you what it's like for me. In middle school, I started getting crushes. They happened in the winter, coincidentally around the time the "dance" part of gym class started (I always knew who I wanted to pick ). Come summer, I'd wouldn't think about them again.

But she was different. I could practically sense her presence at times, and every time I turned around to look for her she was right where I thought she'd be. I'd think of her away from school, and even when the summer came I didn't forget her. Every time I thought of her, my heart would swell. Even the dread of going to a new school (high school) the next year was eased by the thought I'd see her again.

For what you're probably wondering right now, no I never told her. I have ... issues with anger on occasion, and I would rather shoot off my nuts and bleed to death than risk ever raising a hand to her, so I kept her at a safe distance. As high school neared its end, I was blissfully ignorant, and still cherished what little time we spent together.

At high school graduation, when we said our goodbyes (she went to a college out-of-state while I stayed here), it finally hit me that I might not ever see her again and I had what felt like a heart attack. The pain was indescribable; I was 100% sure I was going to die right then and there, and I have to tell you, I didn't mind one bit.

Somehow my legs carried me through the crowd and back out to the lobby of the Kohls Center, my diploma still clutched in my hand. My family ushered me off and I spent the rest of the day playing along numbly. What I remember most was getting into the car, and as we drove off, hearing "Bye Bye Miss American Pie" (the tribute song to some musicians who died in a plane crash) playing on the radio, and being so very...disappointed as I realized I probably wasn't going to die after all.

I still think of her every day, get that swelling in my heart, now tinged with sadness, and wish her well with whatever person she finds that isn't me. And so help me God, if I ever find out about anyone doing anything to hurt her, they will die. Painfully. (I'm not kidding. Remember the anger issues?)

 

That was quite the nice resumé, Fel.

What you described is something I now feel for a little someone who has grown to become a part of my life.

I don't hear from her exactly often, but every time I do, it brightens up my day like a ray of sun. Her overwhelming cheerfullness puts a smile on my face even when I'm in the darkest of moods, and after putting a smile on my face, I just want to give her a big hug.

A part of my thoughts remain with her always, for she is my angel.

 

Nice similies and metaphors DotW

While I can't define love, I can tell you that it takes a few relationships to be able to tell you are in love. You won't be in love with the first person you date because you have nothing to compare those feelings to. Perhaps the next person will make you feel even better, and so on. After a few relationships, you will be able to judge how greatly you feel for someone.